WASHINGTON - The Obama Administration will be attempting a bold new plan in its effort to pass health care reform, an administration official said.

"Having spent significant time researching polls from around the nation, we believe we have found the perfect plan to get this passed," said the official. "We got caught on our heels, but no more."

The administration official said the new plan involves the use of loud noises, flaming torches, and shiny objects. The "scary noises" and "bright lights" should send the vast majority of health care reform opponents scurrying back to their homes to clutch their rosaries and crucifixes, said the official. Also, the Administration have negotiated a deal with ACORN, in which ACORN members will walk around the streets of major cities saying "boo!" to random people.

"Once we saw that nearly 20 percent of people thought Obama was the Anti-Christ, we figured we'd just run with it," said the official. "We're calling it the 'Chase Them Back Into the Cave' Program. This is one of those 12th-dimensional chess maneuver dealies we're so fond of."

Opponents of health care reform have reacted to this new plan to come out of the White House.

"Arggggghhhhh, Fire burn!!!" said tobacco lobbyist Betsy McCaughey, who then fled into a nearby wooded area.

While there has been minor dissension in the White House regarding the plan, most feel this is the most pragmatic approach.

"Oh sure, we could be like Republicans and blast our legislation through using reconciliation if we wanted," said the Administration official. "But that would be harmful to this nation. Better to frighten off the tea baggers with loud noises and ACORN members."

-WKW