Barack Obama rips off mask, unveils alien lizard head, forces kids to become heroin addicts, blah, blah, blah
WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama stunned the Washington press corps today, as he ripped of his mask, unveiling his true self - a giant alien communist lizard. Obama then announced he had addicted all American children to heroin and create a super army of Obama-bots that will rove the Earth like in "War of the Worlds." Still, the press corp seemed to ignore this entire episode, and continued to quiz Obama on health care reform.
"Won't a public option drive this nation even further into debt while creating a Canadian-like socialist hellhole for health care?" asked Jake Tapper.
The President then stormed out the White House, demanding immediate legislation to ban all guns and take away everyone's private property. Finally, he announced that - from now on - all pictures of Jesus must depict him as dark-skinned, because, let's face it, he was.
"Graaaaargghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Obama.
On Fox News, a drunk and naked Glenn Beck laid prone on the floor repeating "I told you, I told you." Sean Hannity and Bill O'Reilly were forced to take the day off, as they suffered the rare "simultaneous conniption fit."
Later in the day, as Obama-bots forced kids to have sex with magpies and ....
... Ok, seriously, this is getting impossible. How in the hell do you satire people who are now convinced that an Obama pep-talk to students is, in all actuality - a shrewd move meant to turn your children into an elite Obama fighting force? I mean, what the fuck?
Do you folks realize how hard it is to write satire about people that are clinically stupid? Because, let's face it, about 25 percent of the U.S. are blindingly dumb. They scream for government to get out of Medicaid. They'll claim America has the best health care system in the world. They'll rail against taxes when the taxes they currently pay are near historic lows. These stupid people are in most need of help, and are fighting it every step of the way.
All I can say is this: Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
I'm sorry to be so blunt, but we are far past niceties here.So if I may speak to 1 of every 4 Americans here: You're an idiot. And we really need you to recognize that and stop it.
Seriously, people, this political-satire thing is a pretty good niche for me. And it's being ruined by a 25 percent block that keeps making reality stupider and stupider. Smarten up.
-WKW
Thirteen is an unlucky number so I'll add one more---STOP IT!!!!!!!
September 3, 2009 12:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey man,
You got any smart pills? Maybe we could redesign them as pure sugar candy and cure the whole lot.
September 3, 2009 1:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
@Wolfrum. You are entitled to believe that, just don't impose your belief system on us.
September 3, 2009 1:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
So, now "the Clique" has people watching me? It's like you can't have privacy while chatting up Gay De-Gayed Straight Omni-Sexual deposed reality-impaired preachers.
September 3, 2009 2:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
You now that 1 in 4 stat? well smart guy, your the 4forth comenter. ha! burnd! A lot of peeple were waiting to see who it wood be.
Whose the stupider now.
September 3, 2009 2:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
We, the clique watch you constantly. We particularly analyze your words, as you like to call them, within the context of THE PATRIOT ACT.
Are you a patriot? In order to become part of THE CLIQUE, you must meet certain criteria.
Have you ever tuned into a 'porn site'.
Have you ever ingested food while 'doing it'?
Have you ever voted for a repub because he told you, well really, I am a reasonable guy?
Have you ever, I mean ever, had sexual relations with a marsupial?
These are just a few questions that the CLIQUE needs answers to.
I'LL BE BACK!!!!!!!
September 3, 2009 7:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
The problem with this satire is that its not much of a satire. Seriously, I'm beginning to think that Omaba may actually be crazy given the choices that he has made. He is so fixated on being Mr. popular that he is out of touch with what is needed for America. He's not frothing like a teabagger yet, but its already difficult distinguishing him from a republican.
September 3, 2009 2:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
That's the dumbest thing I've ever read. Just sayin.
September 3, 2009 2:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
No way. I can write dumber than that.
Besides, I'm beginning to think that Omaba may actually be crazy too. I mean, what kind of name is Omaba?
September 3, 2009 2:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh you say you can but I'll believe it when I see it.
I mean, what kind of name is Omaba?
It translates roughly as "let me sleep on it and I'll get back to you" in his dad's native dialect as opposed to Obama which is "big swingin dick".
September 3, 2009 3:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
No way. "Quinn" means "big swinging dick" in EVERY language, including programming languages Basic, Fortran, COBOL, SNOBOL, BLOBOL, LOBOL, Take Your Base and SmackLatte.
See? I can be dumber than you EVER thought possible.
Now if you'll excuse me, surf's up. FORRRRRRRE!
September 3, 2009 4:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
LOL When you're right, you're write. I sit corrected.
September 3, 2009 5:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think this fits right in WKW. It came from Chicago:
http://thismodernworld.com/4881
September 3, 2009 2:50 PM | Reply | Permalink