New Element in Periodic Table: Bushcronium
A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcronium." Bushcronium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
The symbol for Bushcronium is "W"; Tungsten will receive a new symbol after a sufficient study has been completed.
Bushcronium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons in a Bushcronium molecule, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcronium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."
When catalyzed with money, Bushcronium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since it has 1/2 as many peons but twice as many morons.
Note: I cannot claim authorship of this, but thought it deserved to be circulated as more than just an email forward.
If it's any help, Element 99 was originally discovered by Los Alamos researchers analyzing the radioactive by-products of the first H-bomb test, in an effort called Project Panda. They wanted to name it Pandamonium, but Einsteinium won out.
Did you see my comment that if the al-Qaeda conspiracy theorists and Mossad conspiracy theorists with alternate theories of 9/11 were brought together, there would be the equivalent of a matter-antimatter explosion. If the resulting intense release of semiticons could be harnessed, it would result in energy independence for America, and certain regions of the world could return to their proper role as cat boxes (or so I am advised on their role by Mr. Clark and Rhonda).
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Howard
*equal opportunity offense to both extremes*
February 1, 2007 5:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
I hear the richest deposits are to be found near Crawford, TX and 1600 Pennsylvania Ave and that we are the major exporter in the world. However, after an initial positive response to its discovery, the market is rapidly drying up because the world at large has reached the saturation point and now can't figure out how to make anything useful out of Bushcronium. Regrettably, there is still nearly two years left before the current supply runs out.
Glenn (aka ges)
All that is gold does not glitter, not all those who wander are lost; the old that is strong does not wither, deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, a light from the shadows shall spring;—J.R.R. Tolkien
February 1, 2007 6:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
So we find Bushcronium because we were looking for Unobtanium.
The measured behavior suggests W should not be considered an element, but a Bush-Cheney condensate, whose mass is not determined but is proportional to its inherent authority. It is stable at a temperature low enough to prevent thermal agitation caused by unwanted thought. Previously found only in undisclosed locations, it has been exposed to daylight for the first time. Observations are underway to determine its half-life.
February 1, 2007 6:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
If I am not mistaken, further research has revealed that it is not actually stable at any temperature, but it can be rendered temporarily inert for seven minutes when school children read "The Pet Goat" nearby.
February 2, 2007 9:38 AM | Reply | Permalink