Bush to Name Corruption Czar
WASHINGTON, April 13 - Admitting that corruption is "not going as smoothly as we'd like", White House spokesman Scott Stanzel announced today that Bush plans to name a high-powered 'corruption czar' to oversee all aspects of corruption in the executive branch. Stanzel acknowledged public disapprovel of the administration's corruption efforts, and said the new post is the centerpiece of a plan to "get corruption back on track."
Stanzel tried to emphasize the positive aspects of creating the post, noting the growing importance of corruption under the Bush administration. The federal corruption budget has expanded by 17,000% since early 2001, and insiders estimate that at least 47% of the executive branch payroll currently works full-time on corruption.
Still, in response to reporter's questions, Stanzel admitted that all is not well, a rare admission of fallibility by this administration.
"We have, what, 30 or 40 separate scandals, with essentially no coordination between them," Stanzel said. "That's the kind of situation where people make mistakes."
Asked for examples of mistakes, Stanzel cited White House staffers' use of Republican National Committee e-mail accounts for official business. "That should never have happened," Stanzel said. "The press never should have learned about it, and if we had the right systems in place, they wouldn't have."
Stanzel also emphasized that the corruption czar would help to resolve inter-departmental tensions in the administration.
"We'd like to avoid another Carol Lam situation," Stanzel said. "We've got people like Dusty Foggo over here, and we've got people in the DOJ over there, and if you think about it they're all working on corruption, but the problem is they're not working together. That's the kind of situation we're trying to avoid."
"Corruption is just too important for us to have a divided team," he added.
Asked about the adiminstration's difficulty finding a 'war czar', Stanzel said they expected no such problem with the 'corruption czar' post. "Applicants are literally lining up around the block," he added. He refused to name any possible candidates; early speculation revolves around former Representative Tom DeLay and former lobbyist Jack Abramoff.
Stanzel refused to comment when asked if Bush planned to pardon Abramoff to make him eligible for the job.
[Cross-posted at If I Ran the Zoo]
Funny stuff! Thanks for the smile. Most of the time spent thinking about these monsters create tears or shivers of fear. A smile is a welcome change even if only for a moment.
April 14, 2007 9:47 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. And yeah, it really is a laugh or cry situation. I prefer to laugh...at least, I try to...
April 14, 2007 11:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
I trust that a czar with little power would be a czardine?
--
Howard
*equal opportunity offense to both extremes*
April 14, 2007 1:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ouch.
;-)
April 14, 2007 4:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
Should be a great job since corruption has increased 17,000% under W's administration (and that may not be a joke).
Tom
April 14, 2007 2:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yeah, just imagine the perks, the benefits, the whole...um...compensation package.
(And I used a lower figure in an earlier draft, but decided I had to boost it to make it outrageous enough for satire--as opposed to a realistic figure. And even so, I'm not sure it's that far off...)
April 14, 2007 4:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
Maybe P-Cred Wolfowitz would take the job, he might be available sooner than he wants. He might even refuse compensation in order to reclaim his tarnished reputation. No, wait... that would only demand another transfer for the poor, beleaguered Ms. Riza and a subsequent raise for her troubles. I think that would bring her salary up to $3,584,988,832 - a small price to pay to get the fraternity back together.
April 16, 2007 12:42 AM | Reply | Permalink
Great story!
This is a non-satirical posting regarding the Abramoff Visa by Gene A. Nelson, Ph.D.
These leaders associated directly or indirectly with lobbyist Jack Abramoff will not be a part of the 110th Congress: Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX), Rep. Bob Ney (R-OH), Rep. Richard W. Pombo (R-CA), Rep. J.D. Hayworth (R-AZ), Rep. John E. Sweeney (R-NY), Sen. Conrad Burns (R-MT), and Sen. Mike DeWine (R-OH).
For details, use "Abramoff" as a search term in the CQPolitics website. Unfortunately, some leaders apparently did not learn this lesson.
First, as a bit of background, here is how TPM Cafe readers may confirm that Microsoft lobbyist Jack Abramoff lobbied for expansion of the harmful H-1B visa program in 1998.
In 1998, Microsoft lobbyist Jack Abramoff lobbied former U.S. Representative - and Majority Whip Tom DeLay's office for expansion of this controversial visa program as shown in disclosures posted at the U.S. Senate Office of Public Records. Here is the process to see them...
Go to http://sopr.senate.gov/.
Select the link to view lobbyist disclosure records. Use "Abramoff" as the lobbyist name. Select "Jack Abramoff" as the lobbyist name. Then view line 22, which is the 1998 mid-year report for Microsoft Corporation. Page one of this report shows that Microsoft paid Abramoff $360,000 for six months (or $60K/month). Then, go to page six of 11. The reader will learn that DeLay's office was lobbied by Abramoff regarding "H.R. 3736, The Workforce program and S.1723 American Competitiveness Act (sic), all provisions relating to the H-1B visa program." William Jarrell, Rep. DeLay's former Deputy Chief of Staff was lobbyist.
Nonpartisan site http://www.PublicIntegrity.org provides documentation of the $46,020,000 that Microsoft Corporation has spent on lobbying between 1998 and 2004. Add the $15,420,453 in campaign donations at http://www.OpenSecrets.org since about 1998. In exchange for these funds, Microsoft has been able to save billions annually in salary and benefit avoidances. http://www.H1b.info shows over 4,327 H-1Bs directly employed by Microsoft between 2001 and 2003. (Many more are hired via contractors such as Tata, Infosys, Satyam, etc.)
Thus, there were "Things of Value" provided in exchange for "Official Acts." However, 18 U. S. C. §201(c)(1)(A), prohibits giving "anything of value" to a present, past, or future public official "for or because of any official act performed or to be performed by such public official."
Sen. John Cornyn (R-TX) attempted to push through a version of his S.2611 in the last days of the lame duck session of the 109th Congress. The House counterpart was HR.5744. S.2611 could caused the largest (and open-ended) expansion of the H-1B visa program in its 16 year history. This "under the radar" action is extremely controversial!
Bill Gates, III was the sole witness at a March 7, 2007 H-1B hearing called by Sen. Edward Kennedy (D-MA.) No rebuttal witnesses were allowed to testify in response to Bill Gates, III's calls for "infinite" H-1B visas. See: http://www.coxwashington.com/hp/content/reporters/stories/2007/03/08/BC_GATES_COMPETE08_COX.html
A version of S.2611 has already been introduced by Senator Cornyn in the 110th Congress, so U.S. technology professionals are again endangered by this "government subsidy" program.
Lobbyist (and convict) Jack Abramoff's role in the destruction of the American science and engineering enterprise is under-appreciated.
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About The Author
Gene A. Nelson, Ph.D. has been active in high-tech workforce issues for over two decades. His 1984 Ph.D. thesis involved the interactions of alpha particles from Polonium-210 with a model biological system. This research was very obscure and resulted in only a few abstracts and talks, including one at Los Alamos National Laboratories. Suddenly, his thesis work has become much more relevant as a consequence of the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko with Polonium-210. His thesis work could have resulted in improvements to radiation therapy against cancer. He has been passionately involved in workforce issues, including giving testimony in the U.S. House of Representatives in 1999. He has learned that there are two men who have been architects for the destruction of the American science and engineering enterprise. One is a name that you have probably not encountered: Joshua Eilberg, a former U.S. Representative from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The second, widely known, is Microsoft Corporation lobbyist Jack Abramoff. For background, see his 2005 article "Career Destruction Sites - What U.S. colleges have become" http://www.thesocialcontract.com/pdf/fifteen-three/xv-3-207.pdf. The table for this article is available at: http://www.jobdestruction.com/library/brainsavers/h%2D1bvisausage%5Fnih%5F2003.pdf. Contact the author at c0030180-at-airmail-dot-net for more details.
April 15, 2007 10:02 AM | Reply | Permalink