Breaking News About Hannity's Waterboarding, From PNS.com
This just in from senior psychic correspondent Ben Ostradamus with PNS, the Prescient News Service.......
(audio only, video not available)
4:20 PM, Wed. 5/27/2009
Good afternoon fellow Americans, I have just been told that our Futurelink®™ video feed is down so I will describe the future afternoon's activities while our Best Team in Time®™ technicians work to get the feed.
On the future eve of Fox news personality Sean Hannity's waterboarding for charity, with at least $47,000,000,000 [forty seven billion dollars] pledged to charity on the condition that Mr. Hannity's waterboarding be filmed independently by both Michael Moore and Glen Greenwald , we are told that there will soon be an announcement regarding the event.
While we wait for that announcement, a few interesting facts. So far more than 234,000,000 Americans have pledged $47,000,000,000 to charity to see Mr. Hannity not tortured. [Update: now more than $53,000,000,000 as of 5:13 PM]
Both Mr. Moore and Mr. Greenwald have also promised that all receipts from their respective documentaries will be donated to charity. The two primary charities are Planned Parenthood and the ACLU. [Update: now more than $67,000,000,000 as of 5:33 PM]
With less than an hour to go until the non-torture event, we still have no word from Mr. Hannity or his people.
The suspense is building, the crowd is getting restless. I am told that the total of pledges is now $73,000,000,000. Only minutes to go and still no Mr. Hannity. There are some who say that he will not show. I can only report and let you decide.
There seems to be some movement in front of the facility. My producer tells me that we are still without our Futurelink®™ video feed. I wish you could see the scene here. There must be at least 100,000 people waiting to see the event on the Bozotron®™ on the front of the building and who knows how many millions watching at home. Now we are seeing a rather nervous looking man who looks like a doctor stepping up to the microphone.
I will let you listen to what he is saying,
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am Dr. Bogost, Mr. Hannity's personal physician. Just hours ago I diagnosed Mr. Hannity with a dangerous medical condition that precludes Mr. Hannity from participating in this charity event. It is a very rare condition for which Mr. Hannity and his colleagues seem to have a propensity. It is an intestinal condition known medically as Fortitudinus abandonalus.
Needless to say, Mr. Hannity is devastated that he can not participate and prove that waterboarding is not torture. His condition precludes him from making this statement himself. There will be no questions. Thank you."
Well, there you have it. More later in the future. This is Ben Ostradamus signing off.
(audio only, video not available)
4:20 PM, Wed. 5/27/2009
Good afternoon fellow Americans, I have just been told that our Futurelink®™ video feed is down so I will describe the future afternoon's activities while our Best Team in Time®™ technicians work to get the feed.
On the future eve of Fox news personality Sean Hannity's waterboarding for charity, with at least $47,000,000,000 [forty seven billion dollars] pledged to charity on the condition that Mr. Hannity's waterboarding be filmed independently by both Michael Moore and Glen Greenwald , we are told that there will soon be an announcement regarding the event.
While we wait for that announcement, a few interesting facts. So far more than 234,000,000 Americans have pledged $47,000,000,000 to charity to see Mr. Hannity not tortured. [Update: now more than $53,000,000,000 as of 5:13 PM]
Both Mr. Moore and Mr. Greenwald have also promised that all receipts from their respective documentaries will be donated to charity. The two primary charities are Planned Parenthood and the ACLU. [Update: now more than $67,000,000,000 as of 5:33 PM]
With less than an hour to go until the non-torture event, we still have no word from Mr. Hannity or his people.
The suspense is building, the crowd is getting restless. I am told that the total of pledges is now $73,000,000,000. Only minutes to go and still no Mr. Hannity. There are some who say that he will not show. I can only report and let you decide.
There seems to be some movement in front of the facility. My producer tells me that we are still without our Futurelink®™ video feed. I wish you could see the scene here. There must be at least 100,000 people waiting to see the event on the Bozotron®™ on the front of the building and who knows how many millions watching at home. Now we are seeing a rather nervous looking man who looks like a doctor stepping up to the microphone.
I will let you listen to what he is saying,
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am Dr. Bogost, Mr. Hannity's personal physician. Just hours ago I diagnosed Mr. Hannity with a dangerous medical condition that precludes Mr. Hannity from participating in this charity event. It is a very rare condition for which Mr. Hannity and his colleagues seem to have a propensity. It is an intestinal condition known medically as Fortitudinus abandonalus.
Needless to say, Mr. Hannity is devastated that he can not participate and prove that waterboarding is not torture. His condition precludes him from making this statement himself. There will be no questions. Thank you."
Well, there you have it. More later in the future. This is Ben Ostradamus signing off.
