There is a theory about doing business in China that says—surrender first, then hope to win later. But virtuous intentions and signs of good faith here are taken as admissions of weakness. By forcing foreign investors to surrender, China keeps the advantage in its hands. The furore about Google and other internet companies is just the latest high-profile example.

I recently listened to the audio edition of J.M. Roberts' excellent book The Triumph of the West.  In it he points out that the Chinese are the only people on this planet never to have fallen under the domination of a Western power.  So, it is foolish for us to continue to deal with them as though economic engagement can serve as a proxy for colonial control.  We will change them superficially with our "techniques," but they will remain Chinese in essence.  And, we will come to regret that we surrendered first in a naive hope that we could win later.  I spent some serious time with a few Chinese exchange students in college.  While I was able to appreciate them as individuals, I would never let my guard down with them as a society--certainly not to the extent that we already have.

I've found that rewriting them in any significant way doesn't work.  That just turns them into jokes that they won't find any funnier than I did.  I've settled on adding an "Reality-Based Ending" to the jokes and leaving the original untouched.  I guess brevity really is the soul of wit.  I hope this gets your Friday off to a good start.  Feel free to share this or any you might have.

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Left and Right

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut.   After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week"

The florist is pleased and leaves the shop.   Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."

The cop is happy and leaves the shop.   Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."

The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop.  Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week."

The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between left and right.
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[Reality-Based Ending]

The Republican is happy and leaves the shop.  He goes home and invests the money he saved from the haircut in a chain of low-paying MacBarbershops (that enjoys generous GOP-sponsored corporate tax-breaks) that eventually runs the local, community-minded barber out of business.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between left and right.

That conservative Christians have played a vital role in GOP politics cannot be doubted. That they believe they are socially engineering America in their own image can be confirmed by polling. However, the idea that they are actually achieving their goals in any significant way through their Republican Party activism can still be doubted. How anyone can argue that America is not becoming more secular (and, unfortunately, debauched) is beyond me. They can complain that the department stores are taking Christ out of Christmas (which, of course, they have been doing since at least the invention of Santa Claus), but it ain't us workaday Democrats who own all the stocks in those stores. Take your case to your buddies on Wall Street, folks!

Anyhow, I don't revel in or celebrate these facts. I merely point them out. If anyone can conclusively show that Christianity is actually more influential on American society today than it was in, say, 1970 (without falling back on mere statistics), please do so.

My other concern here is that too many liberals/progressives are prone to believe the enemy's propaganda. If the Democrats and Republicans were two armies arrayed on either side of a no-man's land and the GOP dropped leaflets into our trenches, how would we react? What if the leaflets said, "Lay down your arms! The Christians of America are against you! You cannot hope to prevail!"

I guess the first thing we could expect would be for footsolders like Bill Moyers, Thomas Frank, and Mr. Phillips to run up and down the line freaking out about it. "We're gonna lose! We're gonna lose!" I would hope that our C.O. would tell them to shut up an get back to their posts before he ordered a court marshal for spreading discontent in the ranks.

Of course I know that can't be done in a political movement. But, I think we'd be well served to quit being so credulous. A lot of the hype about Christian conservatives is just propaganda. A lot of Christians turned pessimistic during the Cold War. We don't need those gloomy types in our ranks any more than we need the gloomy types from PBS, NPR, and Harper's magazine. Let's focus on winning the hearts and minds of the greater number of Christian optimists who seek to build the Shining City on the Hill, not those who want to lay the groundwork for the End Times.

If we want to bring peace to Iraq and, eventually, democracy, we must split it into Kurdish, Sunni, and Shia states. Iraq is a creation of imperial Britain. It was cobbled together out of three Ottoman provinces that had existed as quasi-states for centuries prior. These peoples deserve the right to self-determination after centuries of alternating autocracies, not to be shoehorned into compliance with some sort of constitutional Rube Goldberg device built to accomodate defunct colonial boundaries. (Thanks to inimitable Michael Lind for introducing me to that fun analogy in one of his writings.) Hell, if their constitution includes a filibuster provision like ours, you'll know it's messed up!

As the situation now stands, the Shia and Kurds are ready to govern themselves, and they have been for quite some time. (If anything, our occupation has set them back.) They did so for nearly ten years while we protected them from Hussein with the No-Fly Zones after the first invasion of Iraq. All we would need to do is establish more natural boundaries, create some sort of buffer zone with Sunni Saudi Arabia or Kuwait, pay as many Kurds, Sunnis, or Shias as possible to relocate back to their homelands (with funds raised from oil tarrifs), and pay off Turkey to accomodate the new Kurdish nation.

Sure, there would be unpleasantness, but certainly no worse than we can expect from here on out. I believe we could keep a small international detachment in the new Kurdish state, an American airbase in the western desert of the Sunni state, and a naval base at Basra in the Shia state. The Kurdish and Shia nations could have strictly defensive forces. We should keep the Sunni state disarmed with a contingent of reliable pan-Arab forces to be stationed there until a trustworthy regime is in place.

Anyhow, it's a start. Here are the sponsors in the Senate: Mr. MENENDEZ (for himself, Mrs. CLINTON, Mr. LAUTENBERG, Mr. NELSON of Florida, and Mrs. BOXER). Here are the sponsors in the House: Ms. WASSERMAN SCHULTZ (for herself, Mr. POE, Mr. CLYBURN, Mr. PALLONE, Mr. NADLER, and Mr. MCNULTY).

Thanks to them! Maybe someday the Democrats will think a little bigger on this issue instead of offering up a token response by a group of Senators and Congressmen and Congresswomen who just happen to represent major port facilities. But, you can be sure of one thing, they probably won't do so unless we make them. If you are represented by a Democrat in the House or Senate, please take time to raise this point with him or her. It's not a small issue.

MYTH: Because DP World is a state-owned firm, a foreign country will own the ports of six major U.S. cities.

FACT: The ports will remain under the ownership and control of state and local authorities, not DP World. As a port operator, not owner, DP World will manage the physical equipment and movement of containers on and off of ships, not the security related to the shipped containers, which is the responsibility of U.S. Customs and Border Protection. As a result of the transaction, DP World will own and operate terminals at some U.S. ports, which means they will be responsible for physically operating the cranes that move cargo. Ports are publicly owned facilities, typically by State or local authorities. Like all port operators, foreign or domestic-owned, DP World will have to comply with Coast Guard and Customs security regulations. In addition to meeting all these standards, DP World has committed to additional security measures requested by the Department of Homeland Security and signed a letter of assurances making commitments to meet and maintain stringent security standards for the port terminals that they will operate in the United States.

If the Democratic Party and its elected members in Congress enjoyed a reputation for defending America's (more or less) free-market economic interests against foreign corporations that can raise capital through government levies, we wouldn't have to grab at every piece of homeland security driftwood that happens upon us as we thrash to keep our heads above water. Americans should have wondered why the President won't provide tax money to their employers so that they can purchase business opportunities in other countries. The next thought should have been that they could count on the Democrats to keep petro-Socialism off our shores. If this had been a Dutch national firm, there'd have been nary a peep.