Well, it's been a hell of a year.  All worked out pretty much the way I hoped.  I knew when I decided to run I had a pretty good shot, considering the competition.  When I got to the Senate in '04 and saw how little game all the Big Leaguers had, I figured I had to go for it.  The country's a big mess, somebody's got to fix it, and I didn't like the idea of leaving it to any of the others.  I try to stay humble, but it was hard to do that looking around at my Senate colleagues. 

And it went even better than I thought it would.  Hillary spent all her money on fancy hotels and didn't even bother to campaign in half the country, and McCain picked a VP that made Dan Quayle look like a Nobel Laureate and then couldn't stay on message for five minutes.  And all the others couldn't even beat those two.  Then Bush finally crashed the economy after years of trying, just in time for the election, and the close win I'd planned for turned into a rout.  Now I've got a mandate, but I'm really gonna need it to clean up all Bush's messes. 

The transition's going pretty well, too, except for this crazy Blagojevich business.  Boy, is that guy off his meds.  I came up clean through the cesspool of Chicago politics and made sure everybody knew it, and he tries to auction my seat to the highest bidder.  Then, pretty much everyone on Planet Earth tells him they won't accept anyone he appoints, so he goes and appoints someone.  Unbelievable.  Hope he enjoys his room in the Illinois Governors Wing of the federal pen. 

He won't be alone, though.  The big thing I have going for me right now is that the Republicans, instead of worrying about stopping my legislation, are too busy worrying about not going to jail.  The only Cabinet nominee they want to fight about is Holder in Justice, and that's just because they figure they won't look too good in ankle bracelets.  They want Barney Fife for AG, and any Democrat I name with a brain wave and a pulse is going to make half the Republican establishment lose bladder control.  Well, it's their own damn fault. 

I'm glad the public's finally getting fed up with corruption, really, it's about time.  When black voters start tossing out black guys for corruption, you know something is up.  Like that idiot Jefferson, boy, am I glad he's gone.  Ninety grand in his kitchen freezer.  Yeah, like if people come looking they'll definitely never find it there.  Even Charley Rangel, who's probably smart enough to have a storage locker somewhere, is starting to feel the heat now. 

What amazes me is, I'm the first black President, and still, Republicans haven't noticed how much blacks have changed.  Nowadays, most blacks go to work Monday through Friday, see a Tyler Perry movie on Saturday, and then go to bed early to get up for church on Sunday.  It's like "Leave it to Beaver" with melanin.  If the Republican ever stopped being racist, half the black vote would run right over to them.   But that'll never happen. 

But now it's up to me to fix everything.  Really, Bush just ran the whole damn country into a big giant ditch, and I'm not sure we've got enough horsepower to pull ourselves out.  The crisis really helps in a way, though, because I can toss half my agenda into a big stimulus plan and make the Republican look horrible if they say no. 

The big problem is that stupid filibuster rule in the Senate.  This would all be so much easier if it wasn't for that.  So now I have to play to the middle, because I need two-thirds of the country behind me to get to sixty in the Senate.  Looks like I've got it so far, in fact, even a lot of Republicans want me to succeed now, because they're so afraid of losing their money.  I can probably drive the stimulus plan through pretty quick, though I'll bet Mitch McConnell tries to stall and play for time, without doing a phone-book-reading type filibuster.  He knows if he tries that, the stock market will tank, and he'll have to cave. 

The problem is it might not be enough.  Even 800 billion might not do it, but if I start talking trillions people will freak.  I know what the Republican are hoping for.  That I get my package, the economy still sucks, they make a comeback in 2010 and block me until 2012.  If things are still horrible then, maybe they can take me out.  My best move is to accumulate every bit of political capital I can and spend it only on fixing the economy, until it bounces back.  If the economy rebounds, then I'm a hero, and I'll have enough political capital to push through everything else.  Until then a lot of other stuff may just have to wait.  

And foreign policy, that's gonna be trouble, too.  Bush said he was going to bring freedom and democracy to the Middle East.  So, what did he leave me?  War in Iraq, war in Afghanistan, the Taliban is back, so is Al Queda, Israel at war with Gaza, Iran building nukes, Pakistan terrorizing India, and to top it all off, we've even got fucking pirates there now.  Thanks a bunch, George.  Way to straighten everything out. 

But thank you, Jesus, that my middle name is Hussein.  That's going to come in handy.  I figure if I make a big, respectful speech to the Muslim world early on, I can move public opinion in some of those countries and put pressure on the extremists.  Those folks are all about honor and respect, if you give them some of that they love it.  Ahmedinejad in particular is just dying for me to pay some attention to him, and with no oil money coming in he needs a new friend.  If I can get him to play ball the whole region looks different. 

I think I can handle this.  I've played a lot of chess, and I've played a lot of poker.  If you can see a few moves ahead, and know when to bluff and when to call, then nothing's quite as hard as it looks.