Remember how in college, students trying to get out of assignments would say they'd lost their grandmother or some other elderly relative? (I never did--I was too superstitious.) Well, John McCain is clearly desperate, and running out of stunts and excuses. If I were his mother, I'd watch my back...

Who's more special than Sarah Palin? Thanks but no thanks, I can't think of a soul!

So why not honor her with a gift she'll really appreciate: something sure to make her squeal, in that infectious voice you simply can't drink off your mind, "No, really, you shouldn't have!"

All of the following organizations accept donations in the name of anyone you'd like to honor, or even just remember. Even if the only reason you're still remembering them is because you ran out of vodka and the liquor stores are closed. (All of them. Throughout the state. You checked.)

So click on one of these handy URLs, and honor away! Don't like any of these?  Just go to the websites of your favorite human/animal/planet welfare organizations and click the Donate tab; chances are you'll be able to donate in honor of Sarah, and -- bonus points -- it will almost certainly be the first time they've seen her name on that page!

When filling in the address portion, so she can be alerted about your special gift, it's probably best to use her Washington, DC office, since for now, she seems pretty determined to steer her snowmobile clear of Alaska, what with the subpeonas flying faster than bullets from wolf hunters' planes. That address is:

Governor Sarah Palin
444 North Capitol NW, Suite 336
Washington, DC 20001-1512

Defending the Environment/Wildlife:

World Wildlife Fund
https://secure.worldwildlife.org/forms/2.0/support_wwf.cfm?fm=H

Natural Resources Defense Council
https://secure.nrdconline.org/08/nrdc_inhonor

Defenders of Wildlife
https://secure.defenders.org/site/Ecommerce?VIEW_PRODUCT=true&product_id=2038&store_id=5381 (Adopt a wolf in Sarah Palin's name!)

The Fund For Animals
https://secure.hsus.org/01/ffa_memorial

Environmental Defense Fund
https://donate.edf.org/01/aaw00ag001

Pro-Choice:

Planned Parenthood Federation of America
https://secure.ga0.org/02/pp10000_inhonor

NARAL
https://secure.prochoiceamerica.org/site/Donation2?1901.donation=form1&amp%3bdf_id=1901

General Human Rights:

Amnesty International
https://takeaction.amnestyusa.org/site/c.jhKPIXPCIoE/b.3793955/k.9485/Honorary_and_Memorial_Gifts/apps/ka/mt/createCard.asp?c=jhKPIXPCIoE&b=3793955&en=6fJBLLOnH5KKKVPqG4JGLXNHJhKIJXPFKhLOL4OILtH

Witness
https://salsa.democracyinaction.org/o/600/t/5996/shop/custom.jsp?donate_page_KEY=3522

American Civil Liberties Union
https://secure.aclu.org/site/Donation2?df_id=1882&1882.donation=form1&s_src=UNH080001HON&s_subsrc=MVT_4sqCtl_0808

Gay/Lesbian/Transgender Rights:

Human Rights Campaign
https://secure.ga3.org/03/inhonorof1

Human Rights Watch
https://www.kintera.org/site/c.dhLOK6PGLoF/b.3512437/k.47B2/Give_a_Gift_in_Someones_Honor/apps/ka/mt/createCard.asp?c=dhLOK6PGLoF&b=3512437&en=epKDJMPuFfL