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Burning the Candle at Both Ends


My mother always used to say I burned the candle at both ends. I have been that way for as long I can remember, and I'm pretty sure it won't change for as long as there is breath in my body. I seem to have an inescapable need to cram enough into one lifetime for three (maybe five) people. And now that I'm pushing 60 pretty hard, I'm noticing an increased sense of urgency.

I want to experience as much of what life has to offer as is possible. Right now I want to spend 10 hours a day (okay, maybe 12) blogging here on TPM...arguing, cajoling, supporting, defending, explaining, questioning, and plain old visiting. I want to have enough time to read every blog, every link, every comment, with plenty of time to write lengthy responses to many of them, and still have time left over to banter and get silly. I want to take the time to study and really understand the subject matter, and form an educated viewpoint. Then I want enough time to write my elected officials and give 'em hell or tell them (infrequently) what a good job I think they are doing.

Additionally, I want to spend 10 hours a day watching my grandchildren so that their mothers can work, yet feel confident that their children will be safe, loved,  and well cared for. I want enough time to make each of the three of them feel important, and that I love each of them as if there is only one of them. I want to teach them their ABCs and 123s, and how to paint and make bugs out of play dough. I want to take them for walks and have time to stop and crawl around on the ground following roly poly bugs, or tracing the ant's tiny steps back to their anthill, and checking the low branches of trees for bird's nests (we actually found one yesterday, with a mama dove sitting on her eggs! What an exciting moment that was!) I want to read to them and teach them to read, and sing and dance, and make musical instruments out of mommy's pots and pans. I want to help them imagine they are fairies and teach them to search for buried treasure, and swing to high enough that they think they'll actually touch the clouds with the tips of their toes. I want to lay with them in the grass and find dragons and ducks hiding in the clouds.

I want to have enough time to keep my house clean (not the kind of clean that keeps the health department away, but the kind where no matter you look there are no dust bunnies scurrying around, no spiders weaving their webs in the untouched corners of the ceiling, no crumbs from last night's dinner waiting to be devoured by a baby who has just discovered that those delights can be found if you keep your eyes open as you crawl around.) I want to put a gourmet meal on the table at least 5 nights a week, not only for my husband, but for my kids, too, so that they have more time to spend with their babies when they get home from a hard day's work instead of spending another hour in the kitchen.

I want time to work in my garden, keep up on my scrapbooks, search out new recipes, have a luxurious hour long cup of coffee in the morning. I want to sit on my patio and listen to the birds chirp and watch them eat the seeds I leave out for them, and splash in their bird baths. I want to take walks in the neighborhood. I want to watch the sun set.

I want time to pray, then time to actually listen for the answers. I want to sort through 25 years worth of photos and momentos and get them into albums before I die, so my kids will have a record of their lives to look back on. I want to volunteer at a food bank and a homeless shelter and the hospital. I want to write a book about my crazy life.

I want to travel...one more trip to the UK, one to Alaska, one to Australia. I want to take a trip on a Russian ice breaker to Antartica to see the penguins while they still have ice to live on. I want to go around the country to meet you guys...

I want to finish the quilt I started two years ago, and paint the dresser for the guest bedroom that has been in the garage taunting me for over a year. I want to decorate for the seasons, indoors and out. I want to go to the gym. I want to lose the weight I've been pissy about for 20 years, and practice yoga, and read the 30 books that laugh at me from the bookcase (and the one a friend wrote that I got 10 chapters into and haven't been able to get back to, even though it's killing me to know what comes next!)

I want to learn how to do Irish dancing, and finish my geneology and once and for all get my scrapbook room looking like the ones in the magazines. I want to make up with my sister, and learn how to forgive my father for what he was unable to be for me. I want to make my husband so happy that he'll never even WANT to leave, let alone do it.

I want to learn how to speak Spanish, explore the Constitution, and write an article so moving that it will have conservatives asking what they can do to help the liberals move their agenda forward. And every once in awhile I'd like to take a nap...just a short one. And that's just off the top of my head...there's much , much more I want to do. You know, world peace, the end of hunger, health care for everyone...

I'd better get busy, I don't have a minute to waste.

 

 
 

39 Comments

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Still, you are one amazing lady. I bet you accomplish most of that and more.

A happy, Blessed Mothers Day to ya.

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Thanks, chicken...I'm sure going to try! HMD to you too...got anything goin' with lisD?

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I have heard I will get breakfast. Homemade, even. And I get her. That's the best part.

=D

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Ain't that the truth!

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Oh, Stilli.....you want so much....

And you deserve it all.

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Stilli - what great wishes you have- loved this blog so much and i have one wish right now - i wish i was one of your grandchildren!!

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What an uplifting ode to Mama's Day from Mama/Grandmama. Wonderful.

Happy Mama's Day. And I can award you the Knightly Blog of the Day Award for this here TPMC site, given to all of you from all of me.

ENERGY. ENERGY TO DO AND DREAM!!!

You got it all Lady.

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But...Enough About What I Want

by LisB

I want to hold you and protect you
from all the wrongdoings in your past
to go back in time and stop them from occurring

I want to be able, and rich enough,
to give you the future you've always dreamed of
and always known was yours

I want to present to you
the ultimate gift that you've always desired
but never named or dared to ask for

I want to be for you
the woman you imagined but never believed could walk this earth
let alone send a smile your way

I want you to be happy
I want you to know peace

I want to be the one who sees you at your best
and still loves you at your worst
and holds you when you doubt that you are capable

of being wanted

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Deeeeelitefull. Wonderful tribute there. What a pretty poem.

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Lis - that is beautiful and i want to hold it to me forever.............

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lis, that is BEAUTIFUL...I can imagine it written for a lover or good friend...You're good.

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Thanks for sharing that, I really felt it.

Blessings.

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Let me add my voice of joy for that beautiful poem.

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LisB, you paint beautiful pictures of things that cannot be seen. Your message is so very clear. Wonderful feelings.

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The puppy wants you to haz a cheezburger for that poem. Thanx, lisb.

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I can haz cheezburger???

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Yes, indeed, you can haz cheezburger. With Dijon mustard, too!

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Ah Stilli,

Sometimes our wants are what defeats us - doesn't let us enjoy the moment, as we are always looking to what else we want (to do, to have and to hold). And to oft we get wants confused with needs.

Only you can choose what to hold on to and what to let go - but might I suggest that your first priority be to take care of Stilli - because unless you do that well, nothing else on your wish list will ever be achieved.

You indeed embody the very persona of 'Mother'!

God Bless and Happy Mother's Day.

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Thanks, Sammie...It is beginning to hit me that I may need to start prioritizing!

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Being idealistic and desiring to act on things... I can relate to.

I am looking forward to spending MD with my daughter.

Have a great day!

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Have a great one yourself, dolphin girl!

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Given all you're doing, my dear, we're lucky we have you at all! Thanks for making us part of that candle!

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Thanks, Thera, couldn't possibly give you all up. I'm not around as much as I want to be right now, but there just aren't enough hours in the day...the whole premise of the post!

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Take care of those grandkids. Give em hugs from US!

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"....I want to take them for walks and have time to stop and crawl around on the ground following roly poly bugs, or tracing the ant's tiny steps back to their anthill, and checking the low branches of trees for bird's nests (we actually found one yesterday, with a mama dove sitting on her eggs! What an exciting moment that was!) I want to read to them and teach them to read, and sing and dance, and make musical instruments out of mommy's pots and pans. I want to help them imagine they are fairies and teach them to search for buried treasure, and swing to high enough that they think they'll actually touch the clouds with the tips of their toes. I want to lay with them in the grass and find dragons and ducks hiding in the clouds...."

And they will remember it all, if not in precise detail, then in the sense of believing that exploration, investigation and imagination are natural, good things.

Lucky, lucky children and grandchildren, Still, to have you. Happy Mother's Day!

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WW, I feel incredibly blessed to have the ability to be there for them. Early retirement and a husband who values what I contribute to their lives makes it possible. Thank you.

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Wonderful post and thread. You honor your ambitions just by writing them down. I hope your MD is lovely and all that you deserve. Peace.

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Thank you for stopping by, Carol, and for your nice comments...

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Sounds like you already have pretty much everything one could want.

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That is so true, Tom, and I hope I don't sound ungrateful, I just want more time to savor it all...(and, selfishly, to have more time here!)

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Still, I'm not a very sentimental guy but your post reminds me that the only thing in life that approaches the value of a good mother is that of a good grandmother.
Happy Mother's Day.

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I enjoyed(and still enjoy) being a mom, but there a deliousness about being a grandmother that is impossible to describe. You just have to experience it to really understand it. The closest I can come is to say it is like being a mom, but with the wisdom to understand what is important and what is best ignored, and the confidence to know that every little mistake you make is not going to screw them up for life so you can relax a little.

There are those here who think wanting to be a grandparent is self indulgent, but I think those children fortunate to have good grandparents have a leg up in life.

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every little mistake you make is not going to screw them up for life so you can relax a little.

Stilli,

This line means a lot. I am a parent of two teenagers who do not have the benefit of a wise grandparent like you. I constantly worry that if I don't do enough, or say the right things at the right time, they will be screwed up for life. LOL. So it was truly a comfort to learn from you that I can relax a little. Yay!

Great post Stilli!
Happy Mommies Day :) to you and all of our TPM Mothers and Grandmas.

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Stilli, however you decide to spend your time and energies, we are immeasurably graced just by your presence. Happy Mother's Day.

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Thanks, puppy...'preciate it! I think bloggers should just get an extra 10 hours in their days!

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Stilli, tell the grandkids we need help in the Fox aisle!

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Happy Mom's Day, still. Just home from spending the weekend with mine, and I am reminded of my blessings - of which you will always be one.

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This is a great post. You have poured yourself and your mind out like magic lanterns on a screen, like electric patterns, like so many moments that accumulate in a moment's time. The things we'd never assume about another person, because we tend not to know that side of them. Moving and interesting. I love this type of writing.

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Joe, thank you...As you can see, I revisit my posts from time to time and just saw your comment. I like knowing who my fellow TPMers are under all the political stuff, and I'm glad others feel the same.

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stillidealistic

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