I want to be absolutely clear from the very beginning that I favor complete and total marriage equality for all people.  Every human being on the planet ought to be able to have the law recognize his/her commitment to another person as being real, valid, valuable, and worthy of unique legal status.  I am telling this story just to remind us all that marriage, commitment, love and loyalty exist whether recognized by governments or churches or not.  The real reason that same sex marriage is inevitable is that it already exists all around us.  As more and more people open their eyes and look, they will see these marriages for what they are.  Total commitments to love, to honor, to be together in sickness and in health whether recognized and celebrated by anyone other than the two partners involved or not.

This is the story of my friend Carol.  Carol knew she was a lesbian as a teen.  She made the decision to put her real feelings and desires in the closet in order to fit in to the vision society prefers.  So she went to college, married a truly remarkable man named Tim, went to work, and started trying to get pregnant.  Infertility issues halted the pregnancy plans and as time went on, it become clear to both Carol and Tim that she was not happy.  Their mutual respect and affection led to a period of trying everything possible to make their relationship work.  They even went so far as to experiment with Carol having girlfriends to fill the sexual and emotional needs that were missing from her marriage.  There were nights when Tim slept in the guest room so that Carol and her girlfriend could sleep together.  It soon became clear that the marriage was unworkable for both of them.  They divorced.  Tim remarried, had a family and remained close friends with Carol for the remainder of her life. 

Carol went on to enjoy a series of monogamous lesbian relationships.  She and her partners bought houses together. Carol began looking at using a sperm donor to get pregnant.  She was supported through this period of infertility and continued disappointment by her girlfriends and by the gay and lesbian community in which they moved.

Finally, Carol met Diane.  They fell head over heals in love with each other.  They moved in together.  They had a formal commitment ceremony.  They tried to get pregnant.  They decided to adopt.  They brought home two beautiful little girls from China.  They were a family.  They had a marriage, whether the law recognized it or not.  They were totally committed, mutually supportive, co-parents to their girls.  They loved.  They honored.  They cherished.

Not long after bringing their second daughter home, Carol was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer.  Nothing test the bonds between people as much as a serious medical crisis.  Carol and Diane fought the cancer together for 2 years.  Diane did the research, found the experimental clinics in Mexico, the drug trials in Washington State, and spent money she had inherited to fund the entire ordeal.  When Carol decided enough was enough, that it was time to stop, face reality, and prepare herself and her children for her inevitable death, Diane supported that decision without hesitation.  When the pain became too much to bear, Diane found hospice care.  When Carol hated hospice and wanted to die at home, Diane moved her back home.  A week later Carol died in her sleep at home, in her own bed, in the arms of the woman who loved her more than anyone else in the whole world. 

I have been married to my husband for 22 years.  I will pray to whatever God you want that I never have to be as married as Carol and Diane.

Diane continues to raise their daughters alone.

It is past time for the law to acknowledge these marriages as being as legal, binding and valid as any other.  The people in them already do.