Sarah Palin it seems has successfully started the next phase in the “Mommy Wars”. Interestingly enough, though, the combatants have switched uniforms and I find myself watching in amusement as conservatives stand up and scream “sexism” as some progressives question her responsibilities to her family versus those of her career. I grew up expecting to have it all – career and a family – and to think that this was not possible was heresy. This whole discussion has caused me to reflect on my own choices and to question whether or not this issue is as black and white as I used to believe.
As a mother of three children and a professional with a Masters degree, I understand how difficult those choices are. After my first daughter was born, I returned to work for intellectual, professional, and financial reasons. I was lucky enough to have a pretty stress-free job with easy hours, an understanding boss, and my husband was equally involved in taking care of our little girl. Regardless, it was still a heart-wrenching decision to leave my daughter at 12 weeks because I knew that whether I stayed home or went to work, I was going to have regrets. As my career took off and I watched my daughter thrive and grow, however, my doubts began to subside and I believed I had made the right decision for both me and my family. When my twin sons were born 5 years later, I reversed course and made the difficult decision to stay at home: I had changed jobs, my hours were long and erratic, my husband had changed jobs and was travelling a lot, and the financial burden of having to provide childcare for two infants meant that there would be no net gain from my paycheck. On paper, the decision seemed like a no-brainer, but it was still painful because I knew that stepping away from work for a couple of years was going to effectively stomp out my long-term career goals. I don't regret my decision (though I will admit to yearning for a bit of intellectual stimulation after a long day of chasing two 20 month-olds around) and I often wonder how I could've possibly handled the pressures of the job and the responsibilities to my family, especially with my husband's travel schedule. The truth is that my co-workers would've had to cover for me at times - just as they did when I was pregnant and had to limit my job duties. Is that fair to those who have to take up the slack? I don't know...but I think that's a whole other discussion for another time.
Because of the anguish I experienced making these decisions myself, I'm a bit uncomfortable judging any other woman's decisions in this area and since these issues have arisen with Sarah Palin, I have struggled to wrap my head around how I feel and to try to remove those feelings from any political biases. I think that we as women can at least admit that these choices are not made in a vacuum. These choices have consequences and I don’t believe that the answer to the question “Can a woman have it all?” is the same for every woman and every situation. The environment in which I made the decision about working was far different with my daughter than it was when I made the decision with my twins. Sarah Palin is not being promoted to head teller at a bank. We're talking about the Vice Presidency and, possibly, the Presidency. We're talking about an incredibly heavy travel schedule, unfathomable responsibilities, and, realistically, a 24-hr a day job. Her situation is complicated by the fact that she will apparently have a steep learning curve and she has a 5 month-old with DS and a pregnant 17 year-old whom I'm assuming would like her mother to be around to help guide her through this. Can she juggle the responsibilities of having 5 children? Is any of this our business? Does she owe us a detailed explanation of how she intends to handle this? Are we morally obligated as mothers to provide those answers to those who hire us? Is it flat-out sexist to raise these questions or can there be mitigating factors? Should different questions be asked of mothers of young children vs. mothers of older children? Would we be asking these questions of a man? Do we believe that mothers and fathers are truly interchangeable? Are these questions allowed because of the nature of the job? Has she opened the door to these questions by her use of her family to shore up her image? Would we be asking these questions of a Democrat?
I think that each voter is going to have to answer each of these questions for themselves based on their own experiences. Personally, I feel that anyone with children, be they male or female, who plays an integral role as caregiver has a responsibility to themselves, their children, and those around them to decide what is going to take precedence when push comes to shove. From my experience, there are times when difficult choices will have to be made. For Sarah Palin, that could mean choosing between her family and the rest of the country. I believe that this is an extraordinary situation and I think that it is disingenuous of her to suggest that she can be president of the PTA and Vice President of the Country at the same time. Just like I expect and want my leaders to be the brightest and the best, I also expect and want my leaders to be the most dedicated. She may have her husband at home to help her, but unlike most mothers with careers, she won't have co-workers to step in and take up any slack.
