HI EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!! so i'm gonna write something now that maybe u won't like but its REALLY IMPORTANT like the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER except for prom AND for pursuing your dream of being a supermodel-political-commenter like tyra except not black unless u are black but i'm white!! soooooooo, u totally HAVE to help john mccain win tomorrow!! i know he's old and icky and he tells dad jokes and his face is kind of falling off a little bit but if he doesn't win then everybody says that he won't be the president!!!! and if he doesn't win the election then sarah probably won't be the vice president and i can't take ANOTHER 4 YEARS WITHOUT SARAH!! i might even have to move to alaska for college, and i know it's cool b/c sarah is the governor and everything and there's like 5000 guys for every chick but it's WAY too EFFING COLD so  u can't wear a miniskirt EVER even with your uggs and the governor of russia's head is like right next to it and that's WAY TOO SCARY FOR ME!!! OMG i think that i would totally die if i had to live there for real!!!!!!! but maybe if levi and bristol break up i might do it for levi even though he's gonna be a dad b/c when ur that hot its worth it even if he's a dad plus then sarah would totally be my mother-in-law sort of!!!!!!! and i know that sarah might try to ruin his career like she did with that other guy who got divorced with her sister but that guy was an asshole and when ur governor ur allowed to ruin people's careers if they're assholes. but i would make sure that everything was cool between levi and sarah b/c i totally do that with all my friends who hate each other.

ok. so remember how last time everyone totally did POSITIVE THINKING at sarah's debate and we helped her with the hard questions and thats how sarah won against the dude who looks like malfoy's dad? well that's totally what u have to do for john mccain so that he can win too. i know it totally sucks b/c everyone's brain is still tired from helping sarah. i cut my hard classes for like two weeks b/c my brain was completely fried worse than when i mixed X and peptobismol, but think about john mccain. he had to think superhard all year long and his brain is really, really old so it gets tired more than ours. pretend that ur old and u graduated from college 100 years ago but u have to go back to school to study economics but u totally just want to watch reruns on tv but u can't b/c then u don't get to be the president. i think i would die. that's why john knew that he had to pick sarah b/c she's totally the energizer bunny and whenever he's tired they just do a speech together and everyone who sees it is TOTALLY PSYCHED and its sort of like a pep rally except that u can yell about killing terrorists and arabs and stuff but u don't get sent to detention. my mom let me go to one and I TOTALLY SAW THE TOP OF SARAH'S HEAD and I almost fainted but then some guy next to me started screaming about how the acorns were giving everyone's houses to black people and he totally spit in my ear so i was like SAY IT DON'T SPRAY IT LOSER and then he called me a bitch and i would have kicked his balls but i think he was crazy b/c of all the shit about acorns so i pretended that i didn't hear him. it made me realize that there's like millions of crazy people in this country.

but anyway tomorrow john is all by himself even though sarah will watch and help him with positive energy thinking and so we have to help him too. first, everyone has to practice saying ahmadinejad - that's totally how u spell it, i googled it - b/c it's really hard to say and john isn't as good at saying it as sarah. so when he's trying to say it u have to think really hard how ur supposed to say it so that he doesn't eff it up like he did last time. and then if he gets a really hard question about the economy, u have to think the answer if you know it. and if you don't know you just have to think U CAN DO IT, U CAN DO IT, YES U CAN and john will hear u in his head and say the right answer. and if he gets mad u have to get mad too and shout at the tv but don't spit on it like the crazy acorn guy b/c thats totally GROSS. and if john says a joke u have to laugh really hard even if its not funny b/c he will hear u in his head. if i'm with a guy and he's not funny but if he's hot i can totally laugh like his jokes are the funniest evr but its harder with john mccain b/c he's like the NOT part of HOT OR NOT, but i will try for sarah. she's totally hot so when they're together its like they're HOT AND NOT. but if u totally can't think positive for john just think positive for sarah and she will channel ur energy to john. plus just remember, if john and sarah win then the only thing stopping her from being the president of the whole country is one really, really old guy.