Up is down, night is day, and there is a limit to human venali-tay.

Lately, as I revel in the tepid, dreary pleasure of my drive to and from work in the urban garden that is downtown L.A. - anonymously monolithic and reeking of poverty's urine - I've become annoyed at all the far-Right talk radio cluttering up the airwaves. ...So much so, in fact, that I've started punching the 'scan' button to find something less recklessly heartless.

Edging in amid static, and fading easily, are a few "Radio Free Los Angeles" stations hammering a political line from the far, far other end of the spectrum. Between badly recorded garage punk triumphalism, disembodied voices shout denunciation of all fearsome evils wracking our nation and time - racism, class warfare, counter-revolutionary activity, dogfighting, dog eating, the persecution of Mumia, Palestine, etc. If you're over the age of, maybe, 25, it's all stuff you've heard before. A lot. But a new scare issue has popped up in time for Hallowe'en:

The H1N1 vaccine.

Wendy Davis contributed a good post yesterday on this emerging conspiracy theory, using it as a jumping-off point for rumination about that recent tendency of our most paranoid fears to come true. The script goes something like this:

Big pharma, in league with... whoever... Tri-Lateral Commission... somebody, y'know... have cooked up a plot to release the deadly virus that caused the 1918 global flu pandemic as a eugenics weapon to thin world population. The vaccine will spare necessary breeders, who can look forward to a horrid Death Cheese existence as capitalist-zombie flu cultures.

Like most of these dystopic visions, the Flu Plot mixes just enough truth to make the hogwash plausible. That 1918 catastrophe was real enough, killing more than 600,000 Americans in a global outbeak with a still-indeterminate death toll, although it's been estimated as low as 20 million, high as 50 million.

But another side to this dark scenario is the billions that supposedly will be made off the H1N1 innoculations, once the vaccine becomes as rare as europium and expensive as a CEO's wastebasket.

That part of the story really scares me witless - the commercially viable aspect of this nefarious, shadowy (and, of course, supernaturally efficient) scheme. As we know from our experience living here on the big blue marble, and especially downwind of the first Bush II inauguration, quibbling details like right and wrong or good and evil are no obstacles to sound moneymaking opportunities:

If parts are being sold for profit, it's mostly because it's such an easy thing to do. Each year, up to 8,000 donors in the U.S. may leave their bodies to science, and while most people like to think of their mortal remains being gently dissected by respectful medical students, the fact is that cadavers might just as easily be sawed apart and scattered to pharmaceutical companies and biotech firms, or even used as flesh-and-blood crash-test dummies... A whole body might cost $1,400, but a harvested heart valve may go for $9,120, and knee cartilage for $14,000. "[Tissue brokers] claim they're only recovering costs," says Arthur Dalley, director of the anatomical gift program at Vanderbilt University. "But if you were trying to build a human being by buying those parts, you'd find it very expensive."

The radio swami spinning the H1N1 terror tale I heard is some doctor connected somehow to an Ivy League school - can't remember, traffic was actually moving at the time, so my concentration uncharacteristically shifted to driving - and, naturally, he's written a book about all this. And that got me to wondering about the Doomsday Industry itself: How big a goldmine is it? How deep does it go? And, sure, is there a way for me to bust off a chunk?

Most of the Armageddoneers take advantage of our contemporary American credence in rattle-brained conspiracy theories. Somebody out there is setting us up, somebody or something is gonna get us. Or they've already gotten someone just trying to do the right thing - be it battle for the freedom of his people or twist the night away with Jackie.

The History Channel, which takes some pretty specious approaches to the past, has made a cottage industry out of some Mayan prophecy of doom arriving the first day of winter, 2012. This seems to be yet another in the revolving "Y2K" End Times fiesta, but the network sells a lot of commericals during each airing and... I've... seen... just about every one of 'em.

Long ago, CBS "60 Minutes" filed a report on dangers of a commercial orchard insecticide which supposedly did everything to the human genome from cause birth defects to render normal people impervious to the powerful temptation of onion dip. Sales of apples fell through the floor, and although the durable commodities were soon back on the shelf, there was a sharp slump on the futures exchange. When the whole story turned out to be hooey and the insecticide, Alar, no more toxic than any other poison we pour on our food, it occured to me that an unscrupulous network could engineer such a market panic on the strength of a false report, buy up the apple futures, make a financial killing and stymie all lawsuits with the "freedom of press" prerogative. Later, there was another notorious, baseless food scare involving Oprah and hamburger.

I know - it's crazy. But, truth is, the H1N1 vaccine has been awfully lucrative for Glaxo, and the market at large:

GlaxoSmithKline Plc said third- quarter profit rose 30 percent after currency gains and orders for the Relenza flu drug boosted revenue. Vaccine sales declined because of a "phasing" of shipments including swine flu shots... "After 11 straight quarters of declining sales growth, it's good to see sales growth is positive," Royal Bank of Scotland analyst Michael Leacock said in an interview. "I'm a bit cautious though because of the one-off nature of swine flu products, and I recognize 2010 will be challenging because of the loss of Valtrex," an antiviral medicine that faces generic threats as soon as the fourth quarter, he said.

Moneymaking itself seemed going the way of the dinosaurs for the past year now, so anything booming is a bright spot, even a product designed to arrest mortal human fear as much as any potential pandemic. Things are down, and some sources see nothing ahead but... well... gloom and doom:

Trends Research Institute founder Gerald Celente's record of predictions is nearly flawless. His accurate forecasts include the 1987 stock market crash, the collapse of the Soviet Union, the 1997 Asian currency crash, the sub-prime mortgage scandal and the latest economic downturn caused by the breakdown of major corporate giants.

Dubbed as the world's greatest trends forecaster by CNN, USA Today and CNBC, Celente insists that despite the latest market bounce, and increase in consumer confidence, the economy's fundamentals are broken...."Washington is inflating the biggest bubble ever: the bailout bubble," Celente said. "This is much bigger than the dot-com and real estate bubbles. When the bailout bubble bursts, it should be understood that a major war could follow."

He had me going, right up until he makes a trendy, tea-baggie "Obamageddon" crack. And, of course, he has a book out.

Trick or treat!