Next time President Obama leaves home, he should turn off the lights, lock the doors and, for God's sake, make sure Joe Biden's mouth is shut.

While the President was out of town in Russia this weekend, as run-up to the upcoming G-8 summit, the Vice President dropped by ABC's "This Week" yesterday and beat to death with a verbose monkey wrench any sense of calm that may have pervaded the Administration's domestic and foreign policies.

In a welter of contradictory double-talk that at times verged on Sarah-Palinesque rambling, No. 2 managed to undercut a crucial element of public faith invested in Obama's tenure by blurting that the economic meltdown was much more severe than the Administration had anticipated.

"We misread how bad the economy was, but we are now only about 120 days into the recovery package," Biden said... "The truth of the matter was, no one anticipated, no one expected that that recovery package would in fact be in a position at this point of having distributed the bulk of the money." [Washington Post]

In this wash-out year, when our economy is struggling for life from day to day, the stock market may not take such news so well. When all efforts should be turned to soothing scaredy-cat old ladies on the trading floor - where buy-sell frenzies are set off by any bump in a perennially spooky night - Biden dumps this bauble on the table. "Hey... know what?... we didn't see how bad things were! Yuk-yuk!" Key move, Joe.  

Most attention on Biden's blabbery appearance was carjacked by his apparent seal of approval for an Israeli attack on Iran. With the Persian state quaking from internal strife over contested Presidential elections two weeks ago, that could be all we need to permanently cork up any chance of diplomatic rapproachement with Tehran. At least, that's one outcome of several dazed interpretations possible from Biden's opaque, car-salesman explanation of why Israel was free to bomb Iran's nuclear facilities...

Whether we agree or not. They're entitled to do that. Any sovereign nation is entitled to do that. But there is no pressure from any nation that's going to alter our behavior as to how to proceed. What we believe is in the national interest of the United States, which we, coincidentally, believe is also in the interest of Israel and the whole world. And so there are separate issues. If the Netanyahu government decides to take a course of action different than the one being pursued now, that is their sovereign right to do that. That is not our choice.

So, if Israel attacks - is that in our best interest? Or Israel's best interest? And if so, apparently, it's OK... because any boon to Israel is desirable, since it benefits... Israel. Thanks, Joe. At least we know who's first in line for perks at diplomatic soirees and international incidents.

This isn't a big surprise, since Biden has been a chronic "friend of Israel". On Capitol Hill, that means handing our trusty Mideast ally a Bic lighter and can of gas if the Israelis indicate they intend - respectfully, of course - to burn down our house.

But how much has really changed in the past few days? It would seem, to cooler heads, that all the passions aroused by Iran's roiling election aftermath amounted to an internal concern of the Persian state - and no one else. Here's our priority: We need to get together with Iran and talk about this nuke thing with no planes in the air, no missiles launched. There are powerful interests who want to scotch that approach; negotiation would accomplish de facto the same result as a nuclear Iran, namely, dissolution of Israel's domination of the region. Israel is, after all, the only nuclear power in the neighborhood, and very accustomed to getting its way without this silly peace-talk stuff.

Happier remarks from this relentless hack have the U.S. pulling out of Iraq, according to the deadline, come hell or high water, although his "Iraq's on its own" kiss-off was blunt.

Asked what happens "if the violence flares up again," the vice president replied, "Well, that's going to be a tragic outcome for the Iraqi people. We made a commitment." Stephanopoulos then asked, "are we going to put our lives on the line again," if violence flares back up in Iraq, and Biden flatly said "no."

Well, it's not as if anyone, at this point, expects American troop levels there to fall below 50,000; it'll be adventuresome, tropical duty in the new American Raj. Maybe someday Yankee gas-bags will sit around gentlemen's clubs, sipping gin and tonics, and baring old battle scars from legendary Fort Mesopotamia. Yes, the Iraqi people will be on their own. But if the dread terrorists - enemies of freedom, so threatening to our homeland - even THINK about f*ckin' with the oil fields, they're toast. There are guns, there's butter... and then there's the Petroleum Age, after all. 

But for all of us breathing air unrarified, the toughest news is on the economy. Even though words are parsed and language treads softly, it's not good: As your leaders, we don't know when the son-of-a-bitch will bottom out. 

Despite a $787 billion stimulus package approved earlier this year to rescue the failing American economy after an historic financial collapse late last summer, figures released last week showed that the national unemployment rate has reached 9.5 percent, and that the economy is sloughing nearly half a million jobs a month. 

Biden refused to indicate whether a second stimulus was in the works, saying such a move would be premature. Critics on the Left have advocated doing just that - to different degrees - as well as boosting government presence admininistering troubled private companies getting a turn at the federal tit. Meanwhile, the administration's rescue plans have been assailed by the Right, which offers little more than its favorite bag of magic beans - tax and spending cuts.

But the troubling nature of this endless plummet is especially grating given the fact that we're rescuing the very banks and credit firms responsible for the catastrophe. Betting the housing market would never drop in value, bad loans were made, foreclosed homes were resold at disgracefully inflated prices and everyone at the trough partied short-term... 'Till the bubble burst.

Joe's been one of our peerless leaders for three decades, and did his share to make sure business got a fair shake and the rest of us got the business. He is legendary as friend of lobbyists. Biden has a piece of the blame here, and that's another aggravation prick in his clueless chatter.

If he can't warn us about imminent train wrecks, he can at least refrain from triggering any.

Mr. Vice President: Can it!