The wall between satire and events having been breached so often, satire is in danger of being taken literally and the satirist is in danger of being dubbed journalist or philosopher, or of being accused of sedition or patriotism. Thus the present disclaimer:

I do not believe the "plausible theory" described below to be correct. The intention is satire. I believe that the people in charge, for the most part, are probably not as insane as conspiracy theorists might believe or a satirist's teasing might suggest. Not quite. Let us hope.

The Plausible Theory

The people in charge of the United States feel that they need constant wars and unnumbered military bases. But the required numbers of military personnel have not appeared, in spite of advertising and inspiring exhortations. Lamentably, civilians hired to fill part of the gap have often turned out to be unsatisfactory, even embarrassing.

Soldiers are needed!

But conscription is seen to be out of the question. The Vietnam experience reveals that if there were a draft, these wars would have to stop. Therefore there is no draft.

The armed forces are desperate for more people.

The people in charge foresaw the problem some time ago. They asked themselves how, without starting a kind of war that they could not control, they could get many, many more people to enlist of their own free will.

What occurred to several brilliant minds among them was this: If the only options were poverty, crime, and the armed forces, a lot of people would opt for the armed forces. A vast increase in joblessness would produce the required increase in enlistments (along with the unfortunate but inevitable increase in poverty and crime).

The answer, then, was to create a depression.

But there was a problem with this: how were the people in charge to stay rich?

The answer was simple and not too difficult to implement, although it took some patience. About twenty years were required to ruin most of the economy unconnected with the military. That accomplished, the remaining elements could be installed.

A few unsavory financial operators are being removed from the game with blazing publicity, creating the impression that manipulators of the economy are being placed under control. Numerous public servants have received detailed explanations regarding the products that campaign contributions purchase. Some public servants have also received communications concerning financial and romantic peccadilloes, as well as general foolishness not excluding criminal acts, that they would not wish to be made public. The peccadilloes of selected members of both Parties, but principally of the one now out of power, have been put emphatically before the public. With this balanced agenda of reminders, threats and publicity, control has been confirmed over key elements of the Party now ostensibly in power and support has been withdrawn from key elements of the other Party, while the latter is being manipulated so as to look every day more foolish. And the Press has been told what is expected of it.

With the problem thus basically solved and the final stages of the project in motion, things are progressing nicely. Military recruiters are busier every day. Wars can continue, bases can proliferate, military budgets can continue to rise. And the people in charge get to stay rich.

So far the depression is a great success.