Sanford Owes Hikers an Apology
He's apologized to his family. And to his staff, and to the people of his state.
Now he owes a big sorry to Appalachian Trail hikers. The 2,000-mile "AT" is America's pilgrimage. Few actually hike its length, but it's on the bucket list for so many American dreamers.
I do a section every year, and I'm just about on track to reach the peak of Mt, Katahdin when I'm 80 or so. You'll meet the greatest people in the world there (or see no one for days). And you'll encounter yourself. It's the only good, non-evil thing I do. (I work in public relations).
Now it's become a euphemism for sordid behavior. Sanford's done for hiking the trail what Larry Craig did for airport restrooms. He must be held accountable.
I'm supposed to ask for a week off for my annual hike, and all I'll get are snickers. Hikers will be making up cover stories, pretending they're going to the shore or something. You'll pass them on mountain paths, and they will avert their eyes. Scoutmasters will start taking kids to Vegas and Atlantic City. This must not stand.
Now he owes a big sorry to Appalachian Trail hikers. The 2,000-mile "AT" is America's pilgrimage. Few actually hike its length, but it's on the bucket list for so many American dreamers.
I do a section every year, and I'm just about on track to reach the peak of Mt, Katahdin when I'm 80 or so. You'll meet the greatest people in the world there (or see no one for days). And you'll encounter yourself. It's the only good, non-evil thing I do. (I work in public relations).
Now it's become a euphemism for sordid behavior. Sanford's done for hiking the trail what Larry Craig did for airport restrooms. He must be held accountable.
I'm supposed to ask for a week off for my annual hike, and all I'll get are snickers. Hikers will be making up cover stories, pretending they're going to the shore or something. You'll pass them on mountain paths, and they will avert their eyes. Scoutmasters will start taking kids to Vegas and Atlantic City. This must not stand.
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Dude. You're in PR?
REBRAND IT.
I mean... it's not as though "Appalachia" was the greatest name to begin with, right? Might as well have called it "Trail of the Toothless."
So why not sell the corporate naming rights to each section? Oooh, I like that! Besides, it's getting simpler with each corporate collapse. Could even jump the gun, and just call it Goldman-Sachs Way.
Nice, eh?
Any chance you guys got any job openings? I can turn out ideas this good all fricking day. Will work for bark.
June 25, 2009 9:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
No way. Sanford crapped on my trail and he's gonna clean it up. (By the way, I see that they are now extending the trail up into your woods - the land of my fathers - forever pushing the finish line beyond my reach).
June 25, 2009 10:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
See, now you're onto a good idea. Make it into a Trail of Penance for wayward husbands and wives. After the admissions and the apologies, they have to go clean up a 10 mile section. And take care of the kids for a 2 week period every year while the other, non-cheating, spouse gets to hike it.
See? Cleaner Trail. More hikers. Ne'erdowells punished. PR ju-jitsued back into place.
We could even have special rules, so the (still-enraged) cheated-upon spouses were permitted to kick the ass of any cheater they could catch.
Damn... this has potential.
June 26, 2009 12:02 AM | Reply | Permalink
I live in the Appalachian foothills and have all my teeth, thank you very much.
Okay, my orthodondist pulled a couple to straighten my teeth but it's not so you'd notice.
I think I will go look up some Canadian sterotypes and maybe a lawyer joke or two.
:)
June 26, 2009 11:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
As a member of the nowhere-near-close-to-having-all-my-teeth brethren, I feel a particular kinship with Appalachians.
As for stereotypes about Canadians, I don't think there are any. Well, there's the one that portrays us all as being Saintly. That was disproven though, by those guys who were merely Heroic.
June 26, 2009 8:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
Exactly. Call it NAFTA.
Nother
Afternoon
F
That
A
(hat tip-family guy)
June 26, 2009 11:30 AM | Reply | Permalink
Sorry, Rootman
If it helps, I don't think of it that way.
Remember Ben Hocking? His wife recently did the whole thing, he hung out in chat a lot when she was gone (lonely, poor guy) and joined her for the last leg.
We got to see lots of pics. It looked awesome. Remembering that, I understand your outrage. But, I think people likely to hike that trail. or people like me who wish they could?
....Well, we'd never put the two together. If you run into snickers, consider the source.
just sayin'
June 25, 2009 10:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks. The trail is special. There are probably more volunteers maintaining it than there are people hiking. And they all know that the point of it is that it's there in the American consciousness. Many people I've met there are in transition - just retired or divorced or between jobs or between high school and college. All pilgrims. No pretenses or social rank. And a million people who just have it in the back of their heads as a possibility, as an alternative to the rat race, a potential time-out, a reboot. It exists for that dream. Then Sanford takes its name in vain. It's like saying you're going to a baptism or a funeral and you're really sneaking out to a bar. No, it's worse than that. It's like getting time off to donate a kidney and you're really just on a meth binge.
June 25, 2009 11:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm lucky in that I've mapped it on a fairly detailed scale for travel book publishers.
I haven't been there, but I have been to Kings Canyon, in California, and, well,....
I expect that is how you fell about the trail. I can certainly respect that.
June 25, 2009 11:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
er, feel
June 25, 2009 11:36 PM | Reply | Permalink
Um, don't you guys think this is snark?
Hint:
Chill--
June 25, 2009 10:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
It's more in a post-snark style. I exaggerate a lot, but I have sincere feelings and I am honest when I write for free. You jest at scars, who never will have to call in sick with tick fever and tell your coworkers you got "a nasty bite on the Appalachian Trail." That'll leave a mark.
June 25, 2009 11:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Just dose up with Doxycycline and no need to call in!
June 25, 2009 11:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
You are such a rascal, hear from Ben lately?
=D
June 25, 2009 11:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
No, but he does occasionally drop by under another name. Been a while, though.
June 26, 2009 8:09 AM | Reply | Permalink
Who does Spitzer owe an apology to?
June 25, 2009 11:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
Spitzer apologized by resigning. I doubt Sanford will do the same, but perhaps. Trying to bring introduce a false equivalency into the thread doesn't help move things along.
June 26, 2009 12:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
As a staunch non-critic of Republicans, can you, MiddleClassBill provide some proof of courageous acts Mr. Sanford took to improve the lives of folks in South Carolina having hard times?
As a Bible thumping Christian I am sure Sanford must have helped a lot of people in his years as Congressman and governor. "Ye are judged by ye acts" (paraphrased) says the Bible.
The only things I have found out is Sanford voted against preservation of Civil War Underground Railroad sites, and on principle he voted against federal funds to improve Charleston harbor, which was in his district.
June 26, 2009 8:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
I was not defending Governor Sanford.
June 26, 2009 9:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
The TRUE abomination is that now the whole country knows when the "AT" T&A-in-the-woods event takes place.
The partcipants should sue.
June 26, 2009 12:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
See? Everybody thinks it's some kind of alpine Club Med now. If you ever want to meet people who smell so bad and so look like something the bear dragged in that you'd never lust after them if they were the last people on earth, take a hike on the AT.
June 26, 2009 5:56 AM | Reply | Permalink
I would be grateful for the celeb death publicity cover and not say anything about AT. Agreed, the pendejo soiled a national treasure, and any apology or excuses on his part would make it worse.
June 26, 2009 9:06 AM | Reply | Permalink
Shouldn't he also apologize to all Americans for having a foreign mistress?
As for the Appalachian Trail, should Sanford apologize for using it as a cover, or for inadvertently exposing Naked Hiking Day to the world?
June 26, 2009 9:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
I'm sure the hypocritical bastard would decry what is recognized as a perfectly normal and hygienic way to traverse the silvan vistas of Our Great Land.
June 26, 2009 10:04 AM | Reply | Permalink
Mi madre always told me to stay away from woody areas. Hiking freaks :oP
June 26, 2009 9:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
You are safe among the dwellers of the woods. The biggest killer on the AT is lightning. Also, tree limbs fall on people while they sleep.
June 26, 2009 11:37 AM | Reply | Permalink
You folks miss the real victim here. Just think what this is doing to Argentina. Can you imagine anyone wanting to admit to flying to Argentina? Add to that all of the denigrating posts about Buenos Aires that Josh posted - 2 miles of muddy river "beach", 10 million bad drivers on the roads all day, etc. Sanford (hey, I just noticed, this Sanford has sons, not son!) owes a lot of people a lot more apologies, even if King David didn't resign or apologize.
June 26, 2009 3:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm curious about this Naked Hiking. All I can see is scratch marks on my belly and legs, and other parts. And bites. Lots and lots of bites.
Oh, and to put it into a political/corporate perspective: A dramatic increase in Off! sales.
June 26, 2009 3:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
Bathsheba didn't wear much, either, which is another reason to KEEP SANFORD'S PAWS OFF OUR TRAIL!
June 26, 2009 5:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/lisb/2009/06/sorry-i-just-couldnt-resist.php
June 26, 2009 8:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
My biggest concern is for all the guys who really are out hiking the Trail. I expect they'll get a fairly frosty reception and plenty of questions from their wives when they return home in a week or two.
June 26, 2009 9:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
And it's not like they give you a receipt or anything that establishes what you were doing. Usually come home looking pretty rode hard.
June 26, 2009 10:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
Breaking news - Yet Another Governor 'Hiking the Appalachian Trail'
http://www.herald-mail.com/?cmd=displaystory&story_id=224867&format=print
When will it end?
June 27, 2009 9:20 AM | Reply | Permalink
Here's my problem. The Appalachian trail passes about 5 miles from my house as the crow flies. When my wife and kids are out of town...visiting the in-laws or whatever...I will sometimes take a day hike along the AT (with my pants on SWEAR TA GHAD!)...I never bothered to tell my wife about these little hikes, and i usually do not have a cell phone with me...After i did a few times I came up with this crazy idea...I know i'll never be in a position to do a thru-hike of the AT, but maybe i could set a more modest goal: To piecemeal hike the entire AT section that transects the major watershed (redacted) in which i reside, and to do it all without my wife knowing a thing about it...that represents about 110 miles of the AT and considering that my dayhikes usually involve a hike out from and back to my parked car, it will be more like 200 miles. After 3 years of these surreptitious hikes, I'm about 75% complete (i figure it will take 4 more full days on the trail to complete it. Until now, i've thought of it as "what my wife doesn't know won't hurt her"...but after this whole Sanford thing, I'm feeling guilty and wondering if i'm a weirdo too. What advice can you give me?
June 27, 2009 6:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
I fear it's only a matter of time before you get caught. You have to think about your marriage first, and what you have there is priceless compared to this fling you're having with a national resource. It's too bad Sanford has brought us to this point. You know those cute bar names like "The Office" and "The Library?" So guys can say, "Honey, I'm still at the Office?" How long before someone opens a strip club called "The Appalachian Trail?"
June 27, 2009 6:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ack!!!!
(Thunk!)
June 27, 2009 7:53 PM | Reply | Permalink