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Texas want to secede? Why not sell them first?
It looks like someone wants to get a jump on the Texas Secession Movement by selling them on eBay before they hightail it out of the union.
This actually strikes me as s fairly reasonable way to offset all that bailout money. And there shouldn't be a shortage of bidders - Mexico, China, Drug cartels, Right-wing militias...TX does have all that wide open space, perfect for people, military maneuvers or guerilla operations.
Unfortunately, bidding starts at $100,000 or I would have made an offer myself.
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We should probably keep the land mass of Texas in the US, perhaps as a national park and just let the people who want to secceed renounce their citizenship and find a new place to live. I hear Somalia has low taxes and a government so small it can be drowned in a bath tub. Sounds like a conservative Utopia to me.
April 17, 2009 5:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
What a hoot.
April 17, 2009 8:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
We wouldn;t have to put up with bigots like this anymore:
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/04/09/brown-asian-names/
April 17, 2009 10:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
Before I bid, I just want to make sure: I don't have to take any Texans with it, do I?
April 18, 2009 1:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
Please Zell, don't bash all Texans. We're gonna turn it blue by 2012 and have the extremist marginalized, not everyone agrees with Perry's sillyness.
April 18, 2009 1:33 AM | Reply | Permalink
Can he at least discard the one's he doesn't want?
April 18, 2009 2:08 AM | Reply | Permalink
Only the ones who wish to succeed will be included in the sale price. Consider them indentured servants and do with them as you wish.
April 18, 2009 3:08 AM | Reply | Permalink
Oh, boy! I'm going to make them hand letter fliers promoting universal health care in Spanish. Or maybe post comments about America's shortcomings on conservative blogs in French. And have them call law makers to voice support of marriage equality and embryonic stem cell research.
Texas? I'll take it!
April 18, 2009 10:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
(Assuming you meant secede... no room for overachievers when I own Texas.)
April 18, 2009 10:12 AM | Reply | Permalink
**Does Tom Delay get thrown into the deal?
April 18, 2009 2:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
I realize Texas is a large, diverse state with a variety of opinions on all the important matters of the day. I only wish that more Texans would give the rest of the country the same benefit of the doubt - Does anyplace exist on the planet with a more obnoxious, cartoonish public image?
I must confess that upon first hearing Gov. Perry's crackpot secession plan, my very first impulse was to ask where I might sign-on: This could be one of those rare win/win situations. After a while to think about it, my political correctness won out and I came back (slowly and reluctantly)to my first sentence. Still, maybe something could be worked-out?
April 18, 2009 8:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
Keep a good thought, Wilson.
April 18, 2009 10:51 AM | Reply | Permalink
Let's get all the progressive blogging sites to pool our money together and buy Texas. That way we can send the loonies to Mexico.
April 18, 2009 9:18 AM | Reply | Permalink
It is very much in America's best interest to support a strong and prosperous Mexico. Never mind the tourism and trade, national security alone dictates that we need to support Mexico in winning the current war on drug cartels (so odd to have a government wage a war against something that isn't an abstract concept...). While on the face of it, a mass of gun totin' vigilante Texans sounds like it would be a boon but what happens when Mexico wants to pass sweeping gun control laws? Or welfare support for their poor? Or aid to revive their ailing agricultural sector?
What we need to do is send the loons to China. Then they can finally make legitimate complaints about their rulers being communists, the Chinese can set them to work making t-shirts that say "Everything's bigger in Texas" and we don't have to deal with them. That sounds like a win for all parties involved.
April 18, 2009 10:28 AM | Reply | Permalink
Almost 6 billion people on this planet and only 12 bids? That can't be flattering.
April 18, 2009 10:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
Well, in the words of General Sherman, "if I owned Texas and hell, I'd rent out Texas and live in hell."
April 18, 2009 10:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
Cuba might be interested if the rent is low enough.
April 18, 2009 12:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think that was General Sheridan, not Sherman.
April 18, 2009 1:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Wow, it's still up there.
I thought EBay was pretty active in finding stuff like this and removing it.
April 18, 2009 1:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
I vote for keeping the land, and exporting those interested in secession to Nauru.
They can help mine bird poop.
While it's still left to mine.
April 18, 2009 1:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ebay has a policy against listing stolen items, right?
I am sure Mexico would love to get their gem back!
April 18, 2009 2:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
Damm...the Ebay bidding is locked up at $99,999,999.00. I tried adding $.99 to that amount, but system won't alow it!
Too bad - I was going to do a leverage buyout ala Michael Milken, whereby I buy that POS state with money I get from raiding its coffers, steal everything that's left over...and then just walk away and let it go to complete shit.
Curses. Foiled again.
April 18, 2009 8:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
Looks as though the Texas Legislature has effectively taken the state off the market. The state house, on a bipartisan voice vote, took away 96 percent of Perry's office budget and redistributed it to veterans' services and mental health centers.
Maybe we'll have to start a new eBay auction for Perry himself. Him and Blagojevich, actually. Two yo-yos for the price of one. They look enough alike you could plausibly swap them.
April 18, 2009 9:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
Be sure to include a NO RETURN policy.
April 19, 2009 10:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
If at First You Don’t Secede ….
See
http://notionscapital.wordpress.com/2009/04/18/if-at-first-you-dont-secede/
April 19, 2009 2:34 PM | Reply | Permalink