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How to Tell Whether You are in Real America
How do you know if you're living in phony America? It's a walk in the
park! That's right, just take a walk around your local park, and if you
can count more than two non-whites, you may be living in phony
America.
Recognize the ten warning signs:
1. Strange churches without steeples, attended by people wearing funny little round hats
2. Restaurants serving weird, funny-named food, served by brown people with funny voices
3. Movies at the multiplex where you have to read what the actor's are saying
4. Plays at the community theater where no one ever sings and dances(!?)
5. Sidewalks, and with people actually walking on them
6. Retail stores that have only one location, and no TV ads
7. Newspapers with more than sixteen pages, lacking exhaustive high school sports coverage
8. Weirdos who dress funny
9. Lawns which have plants other than grass on them
10. Strange bars where only guys hangout
Real America! Governor Palin won't settle for anything less, why should you?
Robert
Recognize the ten warning signs:
1. Strange churches without steeples, attended by people wearing funny little round hats
2. Restaurants serving weird, funny-named food, served by brown people with funny voices
3. Movies at the multiplex where you have to read what the actor's are saying
4. Plays at the community theater where no one ever sings and dances(!?)
5. Sidewalks, and with people actually walking on them
6. Retail stores that have only one location, and no TV ads
7. Newspapers with more than sixteen pages, lacking exhaustive high school sports coverage
8. Weirdos who dress funny
9. Lawns which have plants other than grass on them
10. Strange bars where only guys hangout
Real America! Governor Palin won't settle for anything less, why should you?
Robert
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"3. Movies at the multiplex where you have to read what the actor's are saying."
Do you think you folks that live in unreal America could export some of your movies to those of us who are real? I'm really freaking tired of superheroes and car chases, and, contrary to popular belief, a great majority of us can read.
October 19, 2008 8:36 AM | Reply | Permalink
Orlando,
You don't need me to export said movies, you just need Netflix. ;-)
Hey, I know that the great majority of you folks in real America can read. Why? Because I hail from there: born in Washington D.C. but raised from the age of two in Kansas. It was not until I reached adulthood and moved to NYC (I now live in Seattle) that I was able to realize my dream of becoming a Librul Illeetest.
Robert
October 19, 2008 12:59 PM | Reply | Permalink