Gay Marriage, Is it Wise?
I am fully aware that I am opening myself to a multitude of varying opinions by having the audacity to claim I have the qualifications to evaluate such a controversial and volatile subject as Gay marriage. But being smack dab in the thick of Gayness, the good, bad and ugly, for more than 50 years, I'm gonna be this audacious.
Being Gay gives one many unique perspectives. First and foremost, you don't wake up one day and realize you are Gay. It doesn't happen that way. It is a slowly evolving process. While I am certain being Gay is a human characteristic that is there from birth. A person is not conscious of what it is in infancy, of course. I would say not even in early childhood, say, from birth to perhaps ten to twelve years old. A gay person begins to have snippets of curious thought early in life. Different feelings that seem to randomly enter your processes from time to time, thoughts you instinctively know should not shared or revealed. You are not exactly certain why. But you do know they are not normal. At least not normal in the sphere you are accustomed to. The world you have been taught about. You have been raised, schooled and subjected to an exclusive heterosexual existence. The thoughts, feelings and perhaps desires that have been slowly manifesting within your psyche first start as a sociological taboo. This much you know. But this does not stop them from materializing within you. Gradually becoming more aware they are a part of what is you. You are somewhat confused about what it all means. You are cautious and apprehensive from the beginning.
At this point you become increasingly conscious of the fact you are different in a very basic way. You become aware that what you are experiencing within is not something most everyone else is. Through each individual's unique environment, circumstances and experiences, along with a variety of other factors the reality that one is Gay becomes established in the consciousness. Most will go with natures flow and grow accordingly. Some will refuse to accept this reality and fight their frightening, irreconcilable feelings. Often with varied but predictable results. Most which are not easy, pleasant or successful. To attempt to change basic human nature is generally a loosing exercise.
After acknowledging and accepting being Gay is a natural part of what and who you are, you are constantly confronted with a variety of vexing and extremely difficult choices. What do you do? Who do you tell? What will people think of you? What about your family? How will they react? How to live, in what can be a cruel and largely disapproving world. The challenges are immense and never ending. These are all huge issues that usually must be dealt with at a very young age. You have not matured. You do not yet have the learned faculties to make decisions, properly, with such complex and problematic but undeniable realities. You quickly become proficient at lying, manipulation and when necessary, altering or disguising your natural self to deal with whatever the situation requires to fit in or avoid detection. After years of honing chameleon like defenses it seems to become just another part of who and what you are. It is survival in a world that too often wants nothing to do with you. Often, even the people that profess to accept you, in reality wish you were not the way you are. This practical and necessary method of being included in the human race is understandably responsible for a wide variety and degree of neurosis, anxieties, insecurities and skewed development of personality. Every Gay person deals with their individual portion of these inflictions differently. Most are so strengthened by these experiences that we become intuitive, unusually creative, productive and "normal" adults with little to no difficulty. However, too often the result is immaturity, irrational and impulsive decision making. Many will lack the ability to make rational, consequential life decisions, but that does not mean you don't have to. And you can believe me when I say there are, sadly, disproportionate amounts of these people. A product of an unfair and unjust society. This is where the issue of Gay marriage becomes debatable.
I can personally attest to the fact that during my early adulthood and most everyone I knew, 16, 17 years of age, we were wild and reckless, to extremes. Having several long-term relationships and many more short term relationships was par. So impulsive and shortsighted were we that if legal marriage had been an option, we would have needed file cabinets to store our marriage licenses. Falling "in love" many, many times was as normal as having breakfast. Frankly, it was simply part of the culture. I am not convinced this has changed much. Especially for the younger Gay men. Many of who were either denied or actually disowned by their families. Shunned by lifelong friends. For myself, at least, it wasn't until I was well into my forties before I finally developed the mental and emotional maturity to grasp the idea of an enduring monogamous relationship. One that could be classified as secure enough to actually be legally married to another man.
In addition to the widespread, inherent characteristics I listed above, the Gay culture itself has not had enough time to mature. Only since the Stonewall Riots in 1969 have we been able to actually progress. The riots and subsequent exposure gave rise to the idea one could actually "come out of the closet", be public with our gayness. That perhaps being Gay wasn't some kind of cruel infliction to hide and be ashamed of. True, that was forty years ago. But I do not believe 40 years has been long enough for Gay men and the culture to evolve and mature to the point where way too many "impulsive" and knee-jerk, spur of the moment marriages would not still outweigh the serious, well thought out enjoinments. Thus making a mockery of the process and giving those that object for all the bigoted reasons Carte Blanche to cackle "I told ya so!"
Civil Unions with protected rights, without the legal ramifications that come with a failed legal, recognized marriage, I feel, would be a far more practical, initial approach. It is very important that committed Gay couples have many of the significant protections afforded heterosexual couples. But how are you going to separate the genuinely committed, deserving couples from the inevitable flighty, superficial and guaranteed to quickly fail marriages? And there would be MANY! The obvious answer is you can not. At this point and until it is widely acknowledged among ALL Gay people that legal marriage is serious stuff and not to be taken lightly, I do not in my heart feel full blown legal marriage is wise, just yet.
Being Gay gives one many unique perspectives. First and foremost, you don't wake up one day and realize you are Gay. It doesn't happen that way. It is a slowly evolving process. While I am certain being Gay is a human characteristic that is there from birth. A person is not conscious of what it is in infancy, of course. I would say not even in early childhood, say, from birth to perhaps ten to twelve years old. A gay person begins to have snippets of curious thought early in life. Different feelings that seem to randomly enter your processes from time to time, thoughts you instinctively know should not shared or revealed. You are not exactly certain why. But you do know they are not normal. At least not normal in the sphere you are accustomed to. The world you have been taught about. You have been raised, schooled and subjected to an exclusive heterosexual existence. The thoughts, feelings and perhaps desires that have been slowly manifesting within your psyche first start as a sociological taboo. This much you know. But this does not stop them from materializing within you. Gradually becoming more aware they are a part of what is you. You are somewhat confused about what it all means. You are cautious and apprehensive from the beginning.
At this point you become increasingly conscious of the fact you are different in a very basic way. You become aware that what you are experiencing within is not something most everyone else is. Through each individual's unique environment, circumstances and experiences, along with a variety of other factors the reality that one is Gay becomes established in the consciousness. Most will go with natures flow and grow accordingly. Some will refuse to accept this reality and fight their frightening, irreconcilable feelings. Often with varied but predictable results. Most which are not easy, pleasant or successful. To attempt to change basic human nature is generally a loosing exercise.
After acknowledging and accepting being Gay is a natural part of what and who you are, you are constantly confronted with a variety of vexing and extremely difficult choices. What do you do? Who do you tell? What will people think of you? What about your family? How will they react? How to live, in what can be a cruel and largely disapproving world. The challenges are immense and never ending. These are all huge issues that usually must be dealt with at a very young age. You have not matured. You do not yet have the learned faculties to make decisions, properly, with such complex and problematic but undeniable realities. You quickly become proficient at lying, manipulation and when necessary, altering or disguising your natural self to deal with whatever the situation requires to fit in or avoid detection. After years of honing chameleon like defenses it seems to become just another part of who and what you are. It is survival in a world that too often wants nothing to do with you. Often, even the people that profess to accept you, in reality wish you were not the way you are. This practical and necessary method of being included in the human race is understandably responsible for a wide variety and degree of neurosis, anxieties, insecurities and skewed development of personality. Every Gay person deals with their individual portion of these inflictions differently. Most are so strengthened by these experiences that we become intuitive, unusually creative, productive and "normal" adults with little to no difficulty. However, too often the result is immaturity, irrational and impulsive decision making. Many will lack the ability to make rational, consequential life decisions, but that does not mean you don't have to. And you can believe me when I say there are, sadly, disproportionate amounts of these people. A product of an unfair and unjust society. This is where the issue of Gay marriage becomes debatable.
I can personally attest to the fact that during my early adulthood and most everyone I knew, 16, 17 years of age, we were wild and reckless, to extremes. Having several long-term relationships and many more short term relationships was par. So impulsive and shortsighted were we that if legal marriage had been an option, we would have needed file cabinets to store our marriage licenses. Falling "in love" many, many times was as normal as having breakfast. Frankly, it was simply part of the culture. I am not convinced this has changed much. Especially for the younger Gay men. Many of who were either denied or actually disowned by their families. Shunned by lifelong friends. For myself, at least, it wasn't until I was well into my forties before I finally developed the mental and emotional maturity to grasp the idea of an enduring monogamous relationship. One that could be classified as secure enough to actually be legally married to another man.
In addition to the widespread, inherent characteristics I listed above, the Gay culture itself has not had enough time to mature. Only since the Stonewall Riots in 1969 have we been able to actually progress. The riots and subsequent exposure gave rise to the idea one could actually "come out of the closet", be public with our gayness. That perhaps being Gay wasn't some kind of cruel infliction to hide and be ashamed of. True, that was forty years ago. But I do not believe 40 years has been long enough for Gay men and the culture to evolve and mature to the point where way too many "impulsive" and knee-jerk, spur of the moment marriages would not still outweigh the serious, well thought out enjoinments. Thus making a mockery of the process and giving those that object for all the bigoted reasons Carte Blanche to cackle "I told ya so!"
Civil Unions with protected rights, without the legal ramifications that come with a failed legal, recognized marriage, I feel, would be a far more practical, initial approach. It is very important that committed Gay couples have many of the significant protections afforded heterosexual couples. But how are you going to separate the genuinely committed, deserving couples from the inevitable flighty, superficial and guaranteed to quickly fail marriages? And there would be MANY! The obvious answer is you can not. At this point and until it is widely acknowledged among ALL Gay people that legal marriage is serious stuff and not to be taken lightly, I do not in my heart feel full blown legal marriage is wise, just yet.
