January 29, 2009

Washington DC: A mere 9 days after the death of President John McCain of a heart attack moments after his swearing in, President Sarah Palin has set up a showdown with congress with several controversial choices for her new Cabinet.

Leading the controversy is her selection of a Toro Power Max 828 LXE snow thrower to be Secretary of Defense, a choice Palin defends as “a bulkhead against Russian aggression”

“Ya know, you can put this device right over there on that island there and throw snow right across that narrow strip of water and into Russia,” the new President said. “And they’ll be so gosh darn busy shoveling that they won’t have time to invade any more countries.”

The Toro Power Max 828 LXE faces a tough confirmation fight in the Democrat-controlled Senate, although veteran senator Lindsey Graham has been tapped to usher it’s confirmation through.

“The president gets to pick the cabinet,” Graham said. “If this president thinks a two-stage snow thrower is the best way to keep our nation safe and secure, then this president should get what she wants.”

However, Charles Schumer (D-New York) questioned Palin’s judgment in some of her choices. “For God’s sake, what kind of person tries to appoint their pregnant 17-year old daughter as Secretary of Health and Human Services and at the same time change it's name to the "Department of Chose Life!?” Schumer fumed. “And her husband clearly is not qualified to be Secretary of the Treasury, despite the fact she claims he balanced their checkbook back in Wasilla.”

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid promised in-depth hearings into Palin’s choice of a Siberian Husky named Jake as Attorney General.

Reid also promised an investigation into the massive power failure that knocked out power to all of New England and the Mid-Atlantic, as well as New York, California and Oregon last Tuesday.

The power failure has been blamed for shutting down 95 percent of the polling places in those states for 12-14 hours.

McCain’s democratic opponent, Senator Barrack Obama (D-Ill), sat with his head in his hands in the senate chambers, silently weeping.

McCain/Palin are floundering. No one suggests otherwise. So far, when the going has gotten tough, McCain has pulled some sort of stunt to draw attention away from the strengths of Obama and focus attention on himself. Palin at the convention, 'suspension'of his campaign a he 'rushes' back to DC to eventually-scuttled talks...more and more. Palin gave him a bounce, but now that her true colors are showing, that's gone. The suspension didn't play and the failure of the bailout (caused by his own party and specifically the group that he had courted) made his look weak and ineffectual. So what can he do now? What stunts are left? I can think of a few: 1. A Bristol/Levi wedding. This would focus attention back on Palin, his one bright spot (pollwise) and probably away from the disaster that tomorrow night is haping up to be for him. Of course, a Republican shotgun wedding could backfire as a celebration of American Family Values. 2. Some sort of terror attack. Fear works, as we saw in 2004 and I don't put anything past the Repubs at this point. McCain has shown clearly that he is willing to do ANYTHING at this point and an attack on American soil can only bolster him...or so his people probably thing. 3. Cancel the remaining debates. A true Hail Mary, he may be desperate enough to do this, since he could only fight to a draw with Obama in the one debate he was expected to win. Taking away the national audience for Obama to once again show how presidential he really is may be, in McCain's mind, a way to stop the bleeding. 4. Capture/Killing of Osama Bin Laden. This might be seen as what is probably is: an October surprise orchestrated by the Repubs solely for the purpose of the election. Big chance of backfiring and accusations of "Why now" and "why did it take 8 years?" The Repubs are clearly desperate so nothing is out of reach at this point...except winning.