I have now reached a point that i can honestly say i am walking again. It comes with a couple of caveats though. I use a walker for support, and I still need a light aid to move from sitting on the bed to standing in the walker. Also, i'm certainly not about to win any walking marathons, but i can manage 40-60 steps before the weakness and fatigue bite back. Fine motor control over my legs and back are slowly returning too. Yesterday, i walked too far in one session, and am still paying for it now. I must keep my impatience at bay, and not let myself get depressed during this slow, plodding recovery process. Part of me thinks how easy it would be to just lie down, and give up, but the rest of me gets angry at the thought. I've got to continue pressing forward; yet need to temper myself, so that i do not attempt more than i'm physically capable of accomplishing at this time.
Still no chemotherapy; no real expressed plan about when/how i'll be able to get it started up, and it is a necessary part of my recuperating. It's a matter of pay source. Until medicaid gets authorised, there is almost nil chance of my getting it, since this county does not have its own oncology program, and uses private third-party providers instead. No private group or rehab facility is going to be willing to simply shoulder the costs associated with my chemotherapy, and they should not be expected to do so. I seem to be left with an option of seeking out joining some randomised study, hoping i toss the right die, and get the most effective treatment from it.
Visions of guinea pigs and Russian roulette dance in my head, amidst an unshakable impression that I am lost at sea. I would be in a real world of hurt, if it weren't for my sisters. I cannot deal with bureaucratic red-tape, and hoop jumping. I do not understand the need to play silly games just so i can get medicaid authorised. I am disabled, there is no denying it, no matter how distasteful i find the concept. I have no health insurance, nor do I possess the means to pay for my own care here. What more should be needed in order to qualify for Medicaid assistance?
]]>It is right however to attempt and separate this from any religious, or any ideological underpinnings. Hasan is a broken human being, not operating under paradigms of rationality. Attempting to make sense from his actions, and the motivations which impelled the murderous spree is itself an act of futility.
]]>God is the solitude of men.]]>
There was only me:
I alone decided to commit Evil;
alone,
I invented Good.
I am the one who cheated,
I am the one who performed miracles,
I am the one accusing myself today,
I alone can absolve myself;
me, the man.
Jean-Paul Sartre, The Devil and the Good Lord, act 10, sc. 4
multitasking for good, not evil...
]]>you might find the last part of this comment, and the whole blog post interesting; although the concept that Warhol's art was capitalised, and therefore possibly co-opted is not brand new thinking. i liked Warhol, and believe some of his works were extremely relevant pieces of art within the context of their creation time.
the old question of mine is:
does contemporary art reflect the society in which it was created
or
does society reflect its contemporary art?
my best guess is it's quite a bit of both.
]]>i got trapped with "enantiodromia"; a word i was unaware of, but a concept which seems very familiar. you approach it from a Jungian POV, while i arrive at a very similar ideation contemplating the Tao from Confucian philosophy.
opposites turning into each other. this idea validates recursively. here are two examples:
the two most monetarily capitalised holidays in America are first Christmas and then Halloween. these two holidays are celebrations of near opposite abstractions.
let me introduce you to enantiodromia dot com, but please stay aware when clicking on the link, as it redirects, and the resultant site seems appropriate within the scope of this post.
this leads me to believe that you are on target, sniping at a proper target of opportunity. i'll attempt to flesh out my thinking about this, and post more content a bit later.
]]>i got trapped with "enantiodromia"; a word i was unaware of, but a concept which seems very familiar. you approach it from a Jungian POV, while i arrive at a very similar ideation contemplating the Tao from Confucian philosophy.
opposites turning into each other. this idea validates recursively. here are two examples:
the two most monetarily capitalised holidays in America are first Christmas and then Halloween. these two holidays are celebrations of near opposite abstractions.
let me introduce you to enantiodromia dot com, but please stay aware when clicking on the link, as it redirects, and the resultant site seems appropriate within the scope of this post.
this leads me to believe that you are on target, sniping at a proper target of opportunity. i'll attempt to flesh out my thinking about this, and post more content a bit later.
]]>