Maybe I ain’t no genius, but I’s sure is smarter’n her!
October 9, 2008 by pjburns
Sarah Palin’s overnight emergence (literally) on the national scene has
taught us all some valuable lessons in political maneuvering. A
“game-changer” will hold the entire base in awe, but for only about a
week – unless he/she can say something intelligent at that point. Also,
a fresh-faced political outsider can shout out anything to a crowd of
like-minded people and they will rave like mad dogs, even calling for
blood (again, literally). However, Palin has affected us all in ways we
may not have realized. She has made us all more intelligent.
Palin has blundered her way through some painful presentations that
have made audiences cringe. Some of the most noticeable gaffes have
been when she proudly said that she could see Russia from Alaska or
when she couldn’t recall a single Supreme Court decision besides Roe v.
Wade. She also couldn’t name a single printed news source. Then she
frantically admitted to reading them all. She didn’t know the Bush
Doctrine. She named the wrong U.S. military commander in Afghanistan.
She certainly said some things that made all of us irritated that she’s
honestly within a very-probable stroke away from the presidency.
However it also filled us each with a quiet sense of pride. As we
loudly screamed, “I can’t believe she is that stupid!” We quietly
considered, “I’m not that stupid. Am I?” Then we secretly reassured
ourselves, “No, I am definitely smarter than her.” Then we all covertly
sought to ensure that we were indeed smarter than Sarah Palin.
Google was inundated with searches for “Alaska view Russia”. People
learned that in fact someone could in fact see Russia from Alaska if
they are standing atop an igloo on a specific island at the height of
spring for one day only and only for about an hour. If we didn’t get
all that, we did at least learn that Sarah Palin can not in fact see
Russia from her back porch.
As for Supreme Court decisions, most of us out of high school could
have easily tossed forth Brown v. The Board of Education – an easy
no-brainer, go-to decision. But most of us might not immediately be
able to recall the names of any of our other favorites. Therefore if we
were ever on an RV with Katie Couric and she asked us, we too might
look stupid. She wouldn’t let us get away with just tossing out Brown
v. The Board. She would have smiled her ferociously cute smile and
said, “What others?” And then, we would be found out. Can’t have that.
So, we checked out some of the other big decisions we agree with but
can’t think of their names. What else is there again? Scopes? Come on,
there has to be something more recent! So we do a quick search – just
to remind ourselves. Oh, yeah, there was that Lawrence v. Texas. I
agreed with that one. Individual rights and all, you know. Super, that
was just five years ago. Oh, but I can’t be talking about that one with
Katie, not first off anyway. I will have to bury that one in my list a
bit. What else? There were all those Guantanamo decisions, in the past
few years. I liked those. Would Katie let me get away with just calling
them “those Guantanamo decisions”? I better write them down. There were
four?! Okay after some searching you might end up with a list of four
or five that you can proudly carry into work on Monday, or even sit
down for a “friendly” with Katie. But you can stand tall knowing that,
with Brown v. The Board you knew more than Palin!
“News sources? Well, I prefer to get my news from a number of
sources, mostly on the internet. Did you know that internet news
sources now far outpace the printed press. Yes, it’s true. Hm? Which
ones do I read? Oh, well I am glad you asked. I usually start off with
my personal news settings from Google news. Yeah, I like to balance it
out, so I am not getting my news filtered through a partisan lens. I
don’t shy away from the New York Times, but I like to counterbalance it
with some of my favorite columnists from the Washington Post. But
mostly, I like an international perspective. I subscribe to The
Economist. I really think they have a firm but friendly perspective on
America’s roll in the world. The Guardian is good too. Of course, there
is the Wall Street Journal. Oh, and Time and Newsweek of course –
usually just peruse the headlines on those. So, yeah… really a pretty
balanced array of news sources for me. Hm? Which Washington Post
columnists? … Shit!”
Now, as for Bush’s Doctrine, I will defend Palin on this one. It is
so far, the only defense I will make on her behalf. When Charlie asked
her about the Bush Doctrine, I too began to rack my brain. What did he
mean? There are so many! Bush’s domestic doctrine? – Which has reigned
in our civil liberties systematically over the past 8 years. The
judiciary doctrine? – putting 2 judges on the supreme court who refuse
to make left hand turns while driving for fear they might start
thinking incorrectly; or illegally firing district judges who wouldn’t
follow Bush’s party line? How about Guantanamo and extraordinary
rendition or enemy combatants? How about his fiscal doctrine, the
furious deregulation of banks and their overlord financial
institutions? How about blood for oil? That’s a Bush doctrine. So, I
thought Palin’s response was acceptable, “In what respect Charlie? You
mean Bush’s world view?” Oh! He meant preemptive invasion. So now that
is THE Bush doctrine? That is just the first chapter. Still we all knew
more about it than she did. She just got lucky on that one.
I knew the guy in Afghanistan was a McSomething, and NOT McCain nor
McDonald’s. I like to think that in a debate I wouldn’t have just
winged it with “McClellen”. I would have just said “the commander in
Afghanistan”. No one but Katie would have called me out on it,
certainly not Biden. The folks I talk to day-to-day wouldn’t have known
his name either. But we all do now. As soon as I heard her say it, I
knew it didn’t sound right. Sure enough, within minutes the blogosphere
was bombarded with corrections. McKiernan. We’re all straight on that
one now.
So, in her own way Sarah Palin has done our country a great
service. In direct defiance of her blatant ignorance on issues vital to
anyone seeking the second highest office in the land, we have all
become smarter. Now, thanks to Palin dumbing-down the interview
process, we can all proudly say, “Hell, if she can do it… I can do it
better.” Now, let’s all hope, and pray (and vote) that this is the last
service she does for our nation.