To whom is Tim Geithner analagous in J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Lord of the Rings"?

Frodo? Wormtoungue? Golem? In the picture on TPM frontpage right now, he looks like Elrond! Note the pointy ears. :)


(Thanks to MiddleClassBill for the idea)

Opening Scene: A small village with an open market.  Capitalism is on the march.  The voices of the assembled, both villager and vendor, rise and fall on the crisp morning air.  Occasionally one voice will rise above the others as a farmer cries out the crispness of her apples, or a child squeals with delight upon seeing his favorite treat at the bakers stall, or a man delivers a 'punch line' to his mate:

 

Man at pork belly stall: "... that's not what she said! Ahem. Get it? That's not what she said... get it?"

 

And then the chorus rises again drowning out the calls of the spring birds, the children's laughter, and even the jingling of coins in all the pockets and purses, bras, boustier's, wallets and shoes, even.

 

Somewhere deep in the forest, though, there is a villain plotting.  Linky Von Shrubb is mostly normal, but for all the bad things he has done already, and those he plots still to do. 

 

Linky is an aristocrat by birth, but not by nature. Even though his family has everything a young man could want, Linky doesn't like it one bit. He suffered through his lessons as a child, hating his great grandfather, grandfather, and father all,  for having been glorious battlefield heroes; and he chafed at the thought of learning art, trade or industry.  Linky wanted to study war, even though he always was afraid of the sight of blood (especially his own).

 

Linky does not like level battlefields, though, where many people could be heroes.  He wanted to be the winner, and he wanted everybody else to be the loser.  And most important of all he wanted everybody to know those two things: A. that he was the number one, first winner and 2. that they were all the dumb, last losers.

 

So, with these cherished beliefs in his heart he gathered together the worst gang of miscreants, lackwits, ne'er-do-wells, malcontents, lay bouts, rowdies, punks, white-collars, and ingrates that money could buy.

 

Linky: "Ok. You guys. You see all those people at the village market? Buying, selling, and trading?"

 

Henchmen:  "We see them."

 

Linky: "Do you hear their purses jingling?"

 

Henchmen:  "We hear them."

 

Linky: "Don't you want your purses to jingle like that?"

 

Henchman #1: "Well thanks to your generous no bid contracts, Linky. Our purses are heavier and jingle more loudly even than those town guards over there."

 

Linky (outraged): "That's Lord Linky to you. But if we take all their monies and put them in our purses then we will be the first winners and they will be the last dumb losers."

 

Henchman #1: "Ahh. I see. Then that cute wench with the freckles and the lazy eye will finally like me if I'm the first winner ...?"

 

 

Linky (nodding, but narrowing his eyes): "Exactly."

 

Henchman # 2: "... And I can make that town smithy stop wasting time making farm tools and horseshoes so he can build me an armored mercenary carriage and a remote drone assassin?"

 

Linky (visibly excited): "Exactly and we can call it Ye Olde Hummer, and collateral damage ... and eventually we can rule the world, and destroy it even, with our misguided concepts!"

 

Henchman # 2: "... And then we can start plotting against each other till there is only one of us?"

 

Linky (frothing in a frenzy): "Yes! Yes! Yes!" (Stabs henchman #2 in the stomach).

 

Henchman #2 (dying): "I ... can't ... wai ... wait! Ahhhg!"

 

Linky (wiping blood and guts off on Henchman #2):  "Okay guys gather round. Here's the plan:  We capture their agencies and dismantle their safety systems.  Their open market system? Anyone?"

 

Henchmen (uncertain): "Dismantle it...?"

 

Linky (frustrated): "... Yes, and replace it with an ...?"

 

Henchmen #1 (looking confused):  "... army?"

 

Linky (getting madder): "No."

 

Henchman #3: "Private schools?"

 

Henchman #4: "A faith based initiative?

 

Linky (red-faced): "No. No. No. Shut, and listen, up! We replace their open market with an unregulated, feral, dark legalistic nightmare of a marketplace where anything goes ... but specifically where their money goes to me, or sometimes to you guys too, erm ... hehe. But then we can kick them out of their houses and take over their shops and eat their grandmothers cookies ... my grandmother never made me any cookies... and woo-hoo we can fire the catapults and be heroes of history like all those historical heroes!"

 

Henchman #1 (looking at Linky like he's a little crazy):  "Ahh... we got you, boss, err Lord Linky."

 

Linky (crying over the body of henchman #2):  "Are you with me, guys?" (Linky looks up from the dead body at the other henchmen)  'cuz if ya' ain't ... then I guess that means your against me."

 

Henchmen:  "We're with you!"

End of Part I

(In part II Linky has his 'white-collars' figure out how to burn down the market place and then they manipulate the townspeople into paying them guaranteed bonuses in exchange for not starting the fire.  And how the people pay the bonuses to distract the thugs, while secretly building a new market with better regulations that will take a long time for the 'white-collars' to 'loophole' again.)