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TARP XXX - horsesh*t analogies
(Please be advised, the following content may be considered inappropriate for younger children and nobler souls sensitive to profanity and/or bad writing)
Once upon a time there was a poor artist called Damien Horseshit. One day he put a pile of horseshit in a gallery and a bunch of bankers came and said, "Wow, that's some deep sh*t!" and bought it, thinking "if we bundle and tranche tons of sh*t just like this and get an art appraiser* to call it art, then we could make some dough. So they did. And in the beginning, some people grumbled, "That's just horseshit". But all the experts said, "No, no, it's Horseshit!" Then for a while Horseshit was all the rage, and the bankers bought lots of it, building up a huge pile of the stuff, and everyone thought the bankers were really rich.
Then a couple of brave appraisers eventually came out and said, "Those banks really stink. They're full of sh*t!" and everyone said, "Holy Sh*t!" so the market crashed, and the bankers felt really poor. Naturally, they went to the Government to complain, because before the crash they were stinking rich and everyone admired their Horseshit, and now they were poor and just had a load of crap, and somewhere in Economics 101 it says that bankers can't be poor and full of sh*t. So the Government hired a bunch of new appraisers who said they could separate out the Good Shit from the bad sh*t, getting the Government a good price for it. And the Government thought this was a good idea, and the bankers were pleased.
But then some appraiser blogs said "That idea stinks, they are just wasting tax-payer money on the bankers' horseshit!" and Reasonable People responded by saying "well, maybe so, but Horseshit is really complex, and we can't really know, and if we don't buy it, all this sh*t will hit the Fan". So the blogs replied, "What Fan?" to which the RP said, "Who knows? Maybe there's a Fan, and maybe it'll get hit, so just in case we better pay for this sh*t". The blogs then started shouting, "you're just chickenshit and that's bullshit!" to which the eminently reasonable RP calmly answered, "See - you don't understand sh*t! There are fine and important distinctions to be made." In any case, this banter went on and on, while the Government bought the banks' horseshit, saving Economics 101, and the bankers lived happily ever after telling everyone else, "Eat sh*t."
THE END.
(* Not to be confused with ArtAppraisers, who are fine and upstanding citizens.)
Once upon a time there was a poor artist called Damien Horseshit. One day he put a pile of horseshit in a gallery and a bunch of bankers came and said, "Wow, that's some deep sh*t!" and bought it, thinking "if we bundle and tranche tons of sh*t just like this and get an art appraiser* to call it art, then we could make some dough. So they did. And in the beginning, some people grumbled, "That's just horseshit". But all the experts said, "No, no, it's Horseshit!" Then for a while Horseshit was all the rage, and the bankers bought lots of it, building up a huge pile of the stuff, and everyone thought the bankers were really rich.
Then a couple of brave appraisers eventually came out and said, "Those banks really stink. They're full of sh*t!" and everyone said, "Holy Sh*t!" so the market crashed, and the bankers felt really poor. Naturally, they went to the Government to complain, because before the crash they were stinking rich and everyone admired their Horseshit, and now they were poor and just had a load of crap, and somewhere in Economics 101 it says that bankers can't be poor and full of sh*t. So the Government hired a bunch of new appraisers who said they could separate out the Good Shit from the bad sh*t, getting the Government a good price for it. And the Government thought this was a good idea, and the bankers were pleased.
But then some appraiser blogs said "That idea stinks, they are just wasting tax-payer money on the bankers' horseshit!" and Reasonable People responded by saying "well, maybe so, but Horseshit is really complex, and we can't really know, and if we don't buy it, all this sh*t will hit the Fan". So the blogs replied, "What Fan?" to which the RP said, "Who knows? Maybe there's a Fan, and maybe it'll get hit, so just in case we better pay for this sh*t". The blogs then started shouting, "you're just chickenshit and that's bullshit!" to which the eminently reasonable RP calmly answered, "See - you don't understand sh*t! There are fine and important distinctions to be made." In any case, this banter went on and on, while the Government bought the banks' horseshit, saving Economics 101, and the bankers lived happily ever after telling everyone else, "Eat sh*t."
THE END.
(* Not to be confused with ArtAppraisers, who are fine and upstanding citizens.)
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That's some good shit, Obey.
Highly Rec'd. More highly LOL'ed.
March 22, 2009 12:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
phew!:0P
Thanks q
I was worried about this one. Either because
a) I forgot the funny
b) I'd get banned from TPM
c) I'd wake Carlin from the dead and he'd kill me for the poor imitation...
March 22, 2009 12:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
Obey,
If ya got somethin' to say - don't hold back.
A gift - profound and profane perfectly entwined. Kudos.
March 22, 2009 12:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks Sam, Thanks so much for stopping by!!
March 22, 2009 12:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
Obey: You have traveled the road less traveled; aka, you have had the flexibility to morph your discussions of serious subjects from academic-speak to TPM- speak .I've read every one of your blogs, and the distance you have traveled --linguisitically-speaking -- is not only mind-boggling, but also "let's hear it for the boy" laudable. I suspect you of a mighty heart. Sorry, if that is academically damning. But to be (or not to be) comprehensible is a weighty decision. And, imo, you made the right choice, in record time.
March 22, 2009 6:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks Staebler for the kind remarks! I'm working at it, and will get there eventually. LOL!
March 22, 2009 9:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
March 22, 2009 12:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
ack! sorry for the poor formatting, I was, er, flustered
March 22, 2009 12:36 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hi Bwak. yes - having chickenshit bankers might have been better I think, too. Sorry about rushing off last night. you know what's up with Ther? if anything?
March 22, 2009 1:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
I suspect it is this comment. But I dunno, for sure. Something like that would upset me.
March 22, 2009 1:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
oh, holy crap. you, dick, or someone should talk to her...
March 22, 2009 1:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
I will try, Obey, and send your concern along. Sometimes, this stuff gets, ACK!
March 22, 2009 1:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Tell TheraP. to come back now! Miss her much!
March 22, 2009 2:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ack! I can't tell anyone anything (they wisely do not listen to chickens,) but I will communicate that you say so.
=D
March 22, 2009 2:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ack!!
March 22, 2009 2:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Obey thats got to be the best way I've heard the economic situation explained. And unfortunatly we'll probably be eating shit for a long time
March 22, 2009 12:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yeah - looks like it. Very pleased you liked my little piece, Red!
March 22, 2009 1:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
But whatever became of Damien?
March 22, 2009 2:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
oh he got married to an Olsen twin, encrusted her head in diamonds and put her in a museum. Sick fuck. Got charged with a misdamiener eventually, but was acquitted, on account of the pretty diamonds...
March 22, 2009 2:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
Aha! Is that her picture up there? I must say, the diamonds are an improvement...
March 22, 2009 2:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Tsk, tsk, tsk. I take a nap and all this language. My goodness gracious.
Justice writes a little prose and gets wollaped, (how the hell do you spell walloped anyway, its not waylopped and...oh forget it)and I do a dilly bit of satire and get a really masterful philosophical analysis of our existential virtual illusion.
Nobody is going to ban a puppy from this site.
I wonder about me all the time. One fellow comes by and says I stink and I pull the blog and cry in my beer except I had no beer, which is a sadder story.
But another time, Miguel came by and told me that my blog 'lacked' quite a bit, and so I took his advice, pulled it and redid it and felt better about it.
Why should I care if a stranger does not like my stuff? I have lived like a hermit for 6 damn years.
You have vented with a very fine picture. And unlike my blog today that went south with a badly placed picture. After screwing around with it for an hour after it only took me an hour and a half to write the damn thing, I said to hell with it.
I have not been angry lately or disappointed. I just write and read and attempt to experiment. Do you know there are all these new thread things that I do not understand? And I sign up for the free ones just to see how they work.
All this takes hours and since I am still waiting for Godot, what the hell.
Obey, when 5 or 10 of my friends show up at my site, I do fine. And when they add a funny comment or add a bit a wisdom, I am fine. When the site explodes with you and q and Bwak and everybody laughing back and forth, I am in heaven.
Oh, how I do go on....
March 22, 2009 2:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
New thread things? Didn't even know about that. I'm just a couple of days ahead of you on the picture-insertion thingee in any case...
March 22, 2009 3:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Waiting for Godot, dear Dick? Moi, aussi. For years, mais, I can tell, toi, aussi.
March 22, 2009 6:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
(Clink!)
March 22, 2009 6:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
I have gardened organically for two decades, so I know shit. Horseshit, cowshit, sheepship, chickenshit and rabbit shit are my shits of choice for composting. New people moved in down the road from me. Hobby farmers. They have llamas and they offered to give me all the llama shit I wanted. I don't know what to do with llama shit so I politely refused.
Seems it doesn't matter what you think you know, there's always some new shit on the horizon to eff you up.
March 22, 2009 6:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yeah, like Belle says, Voltaire would be most proud of my Child Flower.
March 22, 2009 6:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
One of my old professors had llamas. Couldn't be bothered to mow the lawn, and figured the animals could take care of the grass for him. He worried about people running off with his sheep, so llamas it was. Only problem, they need their teeth filed down every once in awhile, which is a nasty business. So he got us teaching assistants to do it. not the kind of job hazards we're used to in academia...
March 22, 2009 9:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
Now these are the responsibilities of all TA's who decide to work with me:
1. Meeting always at 8 AM sharp
2. You will handle two labs a week
3. All papers graded within 72 hours
4. No nookie with any students in the entire school
5. File all llama teeth
THAT IS ALL
March 22, 2009 10:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'll bet you'd lose more TA's from Rule #4 than Rule #5.
March 22, 2009 11:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
Flower: when I come to terms -- re:life -- may I spend some time tilling your garden and just listening to you?
March 22, 2009 6:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Of course you may! Visit during raspberry season. Bring a hat because the sun gets burny. :o)
March 22, 2009 7:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
I am still waiting for the profanity...oh, wait a minute, yeah...bankers.
March 22, 2009 9:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
LOL! thanks for stopping by Libertine!
March 22, 2009 10:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Nice blog entry...I enjoyed it, good shit. ;-)
March 22, 2009 10:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
btw, that warning was for NOBLE souls, not base sinners like you and me...
;0)
March 22, 2009 10:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
"Then a couple of brave appraisers eventually came out and said, "Those banks really stink. They're full of sh*t!" "
I suppose The Emperor's New Clothes is in the public domain...
I see you put the good shit from our shitty-comments thread to good use!
March 23, 2009 2:20 AM | Reply | Permalink
lol! yes, eds, this is so much thanks to you. I was going to do a whole ham and clov routine with a pile of shit in the middle of the room, but these things morph...
March 23, 2009 7:30 AM | Reply | Permalink
I mentioned you in one of my three (yikes) blog posts today ... the one ending with "The question is, does the cow make good sh*t and of what value is that?"
:-)
March 23, 2009 9:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
Obey, nice post and I see you wisely left of the end of the epithet "Eat shit".... "and die." At least that is how I remember it from my childhood. Of course the (self-imagined) masters of the universe wouldn't want us to die. Then they wouldn't have anyone to exploit - or pay for their gambling debts.
You know, I think (perhaps falsely) that the average person takes extreme care when dealing with someone else's money. Where do these folks learn to be so cavalier? In business school? Or does the financial market just concentrate the sociopathic population?
March 23, 2009 10:07 AM | Reply | Permalink
Rowan - just getting back to this late. Yes, I think business schools tend to attract socio-paths who are then trained to hone their socio-pathic skills and told that an agglomeration of socio-paths in high places somehow is of benefit to society. Which a great thing to believe if you're a socio-path in high places. All very strange. It would be like having schools specifically for paranoid schizophrenics teaching them that Someone really is out to get them, that they should do something about it, and, here is how...
March 24, 2009 4:46 AM | Reply | Permalink