The wind tosses my hair as I walk to the edge of the beach.  The waves are high and crash against the sand.  It is late and the cottages behind me are in darkness.  The only light comes from the moon, bright in the sky and reflected on the water.  I feel very alone, small and insignificant as I stand with my feet buried in the wet sand.  It seems I am far away from anything or anyone. The water is warm on my feet, gently washing against me as it rolls up the beach. It is soothing, as I feel lost and afraid.  I do not want to see daylight arrive, taking away this protective darkness.  I cannot bear the harshness and reality of life anymore. It seems to do nothing but add to my hurt and utter confusion.
                                
I bury my feet into the sand to anchor myself against the flow of the tide, and my toes touch on a shell.  I wriggle it out and pick it up.  It is not very pretty and I wonder how long it has been tossed around in this enormous ocean, and what ugly sea creature it might have held.  I clasp it in my hand, and I remain rooted to that spot.  I have one shell in a vast ocean and I am one small person in an immense world.  I feel very close to that shell - we are alike I believe.

Looking up, I notice how many stars are out.  Twinkle, twinkle little stars  - like diamonds in the sky.  It all seems too beautiful for the thoughts I have.  It would be far more fitting if I was somewhere dirty and unsightly.   The thoughts I have make me feel sad.  So much beauty and I feel out of place.  Tears come to my eyes and I walk a bit further into the water. I plan to keep on walking and walking. As the water starts to reach up towards my hips, I step on something sharp and as the tide rolls back, I see another shell.  It seems to be smooth and shiny and glimmers in the moonlight.  I pick it up and it is beautiful, looking similar to an opal. I stare at it and feel it must have harbored a small, exquisite creation.

Thoughts swirl in my mind like the foam from the waves.  I hold on to both shells, and I start imagining what it would be like to feel like that shiny shell and not similar to the ugly one.  I suddenly feel how vibrant everything is around me - the sound of the water rushing to the beach, the moon and the stars so bright in the heavens, the feel of the sand on my feet, the slight breeze.  I picture it in the morning with the sun shining and puffy white clouds in the sky; perhaps a ship sailing out on the horizon.  I realize how just a bit earlier, I had planned to just keep walking out into the deep and never turning around to face my life as it was, so dark, depressing and hopeless.  I recognize that I do not want to walk out further.  The idea of allowing the ocean to swallow me up is no longer appealing.  I think of the two shells still clasped in my hand and I think to myself - I would rather be the beautiful one and not the ugly one.  I start to feel happy, yes, even smiling as I walk along the water's edge. I look down at the sand, ever moving as the tide rolls in.  I feel it is like life itself, ever changing and rearranging itself.  Perhaps, yes, perhaps I can change also.

Now I turn and walk up the beach towards the cottages.  I put the two shells in my pocket.  I think I will keep them as memories of this night. When bad moments come again, as I know they will, I can look at them and see how ugly like can be if you allow it, but how beautiful it can be if you want it.