Attention Pregnant Americans Traveling Abroad
A friendly message from your Dept. of Homeland Security :)
Warning!
Your child may not be an American citizen if born in a foreign country. Homeland Security's tighter regulation on the immigration of illegal aliens (and believe me all newborns really look like aliens) will require you to leave your newborn in the country of its birth.*
This will preserve the purity of the American Presidency in the unlikely event that your child would like to eventually seek the office. In this age of heightened security we cannot be too careful who we allow to aspire to become president 40 years from now.
*Fundamentalist Christians believe citizenship begins at conception and are therefore exempt from the above regulation per Constitutional separation of church and state.
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