Don't look, I'm trying to find a good hiding spot for my new penny sock. The sock security upgrade was made necessary by the government and financial industry change to the Madoff Dictionary version of the word "transparency". Big, clear plastic, pickle jugs no longer fit the definition, nor, do they meet my own personal stress test to protect thoughts-purchasing-coins in an economic depression.

Compounding the newspeak language problem is the fact that I caught my copper-grubbing Piggy-Bank sporting a black bandana and twirling a notched pair of six-shooters. I'm starting to suspect that he's joined-up with the Hole In The Wall (Street) Gang.

The gang has declared open season on any form of the dollar. They have become so brazen that they are known to raid with upside-down umbrellas at the mere sound of the Skyliners. And, pity the poor fool that disregards his Weather Channel - Local On The 8's.

Even so, it doesn't take a weatherman to know that this gang doesn't run under a tree at the sound of canned Congressional thunder. They merely follow the taxpayer bailout rainbow back to their, off-shore and untaxed, Hole In The Wall Heaven.

And, a dollar to your bank account's doughnut says that the gang uses the wrap-around greenback trail to cross the rainbow. But, so far, noone has been able to track them beyond the boulder strewn Politician's Pass.

But, you can't blame the self-regulation Sheriff or his no change-no coin return posse. They're rated AAA nationally and have won numerous awards for integrity from such organizations as the Dilapidated Vending Machine Owners Of America.

No, the real problem seems to be this word "Liberty" on the coins. If they would remove it, then it wouldn't be stealing. And, I wouldn't have to hide mine in my sock.