I can see the apprehension in your eyes, but it really is safe to read this. Not only are you protected by my swine flu mask, but I've armed myself with the H1N1 Computer Goggles and the accompanying No-Sow Keyboard Gloves. You don't have to breathe a word of it.

The pandemic pajamas? Oh, I'm just wearing them in case I should start daydreaming of pigs in a blanket. And, they do go pretty well with this big flu-shielding sombrero.

I also figured that the Mexican lid would give things a little Alamo flavor should it become necessary to take refuge at Fort Murtha. They say that this flu thing is traveling faster than Stuart Levine & Arlen Specter became Democrats. But, if Colgan Air can get Atta to Boston on time, then I guess they can beat the flu to Johnstown. I just wonder if I'll need to buy one of those mile-high Blago seats.

But, at least it's swine flu and not Mad Cow. It saves me the trouble of flying all the way to the Daniel Hopsicker storied, and ponzi-schemer Art Nadel owned, Venice Jet Center. And, come to think of it, where Atta supposedly took flying lession under it's old banner of Huffman Aviation.

And, where else but in the land of Jeb Bush can you watch live, Governor endorsed, terrorist training, be defrauded by the guy that owns the place and the companies based there, and, get ponzi-fleeced by new owner Nadel? It kind of makes you wonder what your survival chances are at Fort Jeb without the flu.

Accordingly, Florida Flu Doctor Hopsicker reaches into his medical journal and relates the tale of the Florida Nursing Corp. A case involving Nadel, Howard Sturman, and the Genovese Crime Family.

WHO apparently didn't track that flu, because it spread north to Cooper Optical & the Cooper Companies in New Jersey. Once there, it found a company board monopolized by the Sturman & Singer families. The name Singer is usually associated with the name Abbrezzese. Abbrezzese like in Joe Bruno, Evident Tech, Motient Corp, TerreStar, WSNet, AVIBioPharma.....you got the flu picture.

So, blow your nose on this. Also found at Cooper was one William Goolsbie. Sick William owned a company called ImmunoTherapy which was sold to AVIBioPharma in 1998. He became an AVI board member in 2007.

Stop the pandemic? Which one? And, how do I reject the Sinatra record with all of this crap on?

Just ignore all the noise in the background. It's merely my entrepreneurial Piggy-Bank pleading his case for an early release from hall closet confinement. He claims that he was innocently well-wishing when I found him outside on the street corner hawking bottles of Chet Stanczek tonic water. Yeah, right.

Holy water wouldn't have washed away his snout contorting guilt. So, I stripped him of his Larry Kudlow t-shirt and duct taped his money slot. We'll see how well he likes being a slot-less parking meter for towels. Or, he can just sit there and pretend he's the Indianapolis Bond Bank.

But really, why should I be the one constantly enduring the swine stress test? Everyone else gets to just sit back and enjoy their common garden variety, back-dated stock option, ponzi scheme, complex derivative, excessive bonus, or, finder fee Pig.

Me, I'm cursed with a total, all-in-one, toxic assets selling, snake-oil salesman. Where's the ceramic justice?

And, as if that wasn't bad enough, when he's not out on the street corner, he's out goofing-off on the yacht "Capitalistic". He's working on his tan while I'm stuck here in the Socialistic Tax Mill, filling toothpaste tubes, to pay the fuel and repair bills for his ship of fooled ya.

Captain Pig and his off-shore and untaxed Corporate K-Street and Congressional crew never saw a short term gain/long term loss chart to the Crestwood Islands that they didn't like. It's a course that changes Pig's normal copper-metallic greed smell to an overpowering one. An ordor so powerful that it deprives you of that fresh wife-emptied wallet smell.

Uh-oh. Ivanka in blue. Jail break in progress. Cover your ears - there's gonna be a gun fight.