David Vitter, eat you heart out. Your little anal romps don't even register on this adult pamper scale.

Federal Judge Coleen Kollar-Kotelly, the queen of comfort products for sore duffed phone tappers, is now experimenting with her new judicial anti-pucker line.

Kollar-Kotelly's new line is the direct result of  her own puckering experiences, as well as those of the Attorney General, while by-passing the Deputy AG and her fellow FISA Court Judges. Her new anti-puckering works great, just ignore the whistleblowing.

Her product line is so good that Dick Cheney is a regular customer and Kollar-Kotelly has covered every documented crack and creavice of his old butt.

Vitter may have gotten the vas-o-line and baby powder treatment, but it's Kollar-Kotelly that you want to see when you really want an ass covered.