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Palin: "Obama's handling of icelandic volcano helps the terrorist"
WASHINGTON (Ritters) - In a speech to the national convention of tea-party lawyers Sarah Palin criticized Obama for his handling of the Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull. She also suggested that volcanoes if they found there way into the hands of terrorist or rogue states could be a serious national security issue.
Palin suggested in a Q&A session that President Obama isn't doing enough to stop the Icelandic Volcano from disrupting European air travel. When asked about the situation in Europe the former governor replied: "Say he decided to use force on Eyjafjallajokull or decided really to come out and do whatever he could to support Air travel, which I would like him to do,"
When asked if Volcanoes could form a threat to the united states she implied Obama's handling of the matter might just make things worse: "He hasn't come right out and threatened violence on Eyjafjallajokull. Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that? It's a disturbing trend."
Perhaps the most shocking revelation in her Q&A session came when she suggested failed states might weaponize volcanoes: "What if Ahmadinejad obtains one of these monsters? That could be a serious threat, one which Obama has said nothing about.".
While knowledgeable experts and geologist laughed at the claims made by the former Governor, an unnamed source at the American Enterprise institute stated: "Several African nations have been connected to sales of weapons grade magma to both Iran and North Korea." He then added: "It's a real threat. If they manage to get a volcano, and then a fitting wind towards the West, we might all end up stuck on beaches coming summer, unable to return from our vacation destinations."
Finally Palin suggested she might be better equipped to handle a volcano then the president: "As Ash Clouds rear their heads and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where- where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border."
Palin suggested in a Q&A session that President Obama isn't doing enough to stop the Icelandic Volcano from disrupting European air travel. When asked about the situation in Europe the former governor replied: "Say he decided to use force on Eyjafjallajokull or decided really to come out and do whatever he could to support Air travel, which I would like him to do,"
When asked if Volcanoes could form a threat to the united states she implied Obama's handling of the matter might just make things worse: "He hasn't come right out and threatened violence on Eyjafjallajokull. Who calls a shot like that? Who makes a decision like that? It's a disturbing trend."
Perhaps the most shocking revelation in her Q&A session came when she suggested failed states might weaponize volcanoes: "What if Ahmadinejad obtains one of these monsters? That could be a serious threat, one which Obama has said nothing about.".
While knowledgeable experts and geologist laughed at the claims made by the former Governor, an unnamed source at the American Enterprise institute stated: "Several African nations have been connected to sales of weapons grade magma to both Iran and North Korea." He then added: "It's a real threat. If they manage to get a volcano, and then a fitting wind towards the West, we might all end up stuck on beaches coming summer, unable to return from our vacation destinations."
Finally Palin suggested she might be better equipped to handle a volcano then the president: "As Ash Clouds rear their heads and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where- where do they go? It's Alaska. It's just right over the border."
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Its not the terrorists, its those gay loving, drug legalizing, socicilists in Europe gettin their commupence from an angry Gawd. It is surly a sign of His displezure.
April 20, 2010 10:56 AM | Reply | Permalink
Sarah Palin is regal, majestic, proud, patriotic, and so right on the issues.
April 22, 2010 5:21 AM | Reply | Permalink
"weapons-grade magma!"
...made me laugh and almost spit coffee on my keyboard. Nicely done!
April 20, 2010 11:30 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yeah, it's funny, and the AP will pick it up!
April 21, 2010 2:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
"national convention of tea-party lawyers..."
Regent grads?
April 21, 2010 7:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
LOL...excellent. Great job. HAHAHAHA...
April 20, 2010 11:37 AM | Reply | Permalink
For a minute I took this post seriously..!
April 20, 2010 12:06 PM | Reply | Permalink
Not a chance that this could be taken seriously.
C'mon...do you ACTUALLY think the partial-term gov could pronounce "Eyjafjallajokull"?
She'd quit half-way through it.
April 21, 2010 2:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
Who knew there were Volcano's in Islip?
Oh, wait. Nevermind.
April 20, 2010 12:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
Wonderful! Thank you.
April 20, 2010 1:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
You mean she didn't say these things? It sounds just like her. You apparently have perfect Palin pitch.
April 20, 2010 2:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
The pitch is all hers, i used old quotes on Putin, the middle east and war with Iran. and substituted some words. Then i added a non expert quote from the American Enterprise Institute to boost credibility like reuters would in real life. Et voila a fake news article is born...
April 20, 2010 2:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
T'would be even more effective if you learned the difference between plurals and possessives. And just what is a rouge state? (I blush to ask.)
April 20, 2010 3:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
A rouge state is a communist country run by women.
April 20, 2010 4:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
Regarding plurals and possessives, one Palin is plenty, and plenty possessive, as well.
April 20, 2010 4:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm Dutch, this is in my second language so i indeed have no clue what the difference is between plurals and possessives. But i will try to find out! :)
and indeed i would imagine a rouge state would be an iron-fisted communist dictatorship run by women. Or run by a communist version of Palin...
April 20, 2010 4:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
Your introduction follows:
"lawyer's" (singular possessive)
lawyers (plural)
lawyers' (pl. poss.)
The house of John Adams
John Adams' house
The house of the Adamses (the marital home of John and Abigail)
The Adamses' house
April 21, 2010 1:12 AM | Reply | Permalink
But don't let it get you down --
Leftflank's "volcanoes" -- the plural of volcano -- should have been rendered volcano's since only one volcano is in possession of the "name" Eyjafjallajokull.
April 21, 2010 1:32 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks, now i have an excuse for roaming TPM instead of working on my PHD, this site will improve my written English.
April 21, 2010 3:35 AM | Reply | Permalink
I loved your post regardless of the plural and possessive errors.
April 21, 2010 9:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
While we're on the subject, here's another suggestion. Instead of "As Ash Clouds rear there heads ..." in the last paragraph, try "As Ash Clouds rear their heads ..."
Confusing "they're, "their," and "there" is one of the most common English errors people make, even those for whom English is supposed to be their first language.
they're = contraction of "they are"
their = possessive for "they"
there = not here
Now that that's over with:
Great post! Your use of actual quotes by the former 3/8-term governor of Alaska was brilliant, lending it just the right amount of authenticity. Thank you!
April 21, 2010 12:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
Point taken, miesjhel. I guess this goes to my contention that electronics are making our written language more like the oral traditions of yore, with accepted rules and spelling (pronunciation) being 'way less rigid. The Internet makes it all so international I wonder if we're headed toward a common polyglot; a new lingua franca of the World Wide Web.
Whatever. I did enjoy your piece, tho. ;)
April 21, 2010 12:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Considering what kids text on twitter these days, I'm surprised there's anything left of any language at all.
April 22, 2010 7:49 AM | Reply | Permalink
Sweat it not. I think I speak for the vast majority here when I say that our Dutch is nowhere as good as your English.
April 21, 2010 3:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
Also the difference between there and their.
April 21, 2010 7:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think palin is making an ash out of herself, personally.
April 20, 2010 6:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
She'll definitely try to write-off having volcanic ash cleaned from her private jet windows & possibly for the hooked-on phonics DVD to learn how to pronounce the volcanoes name.
April 20, 2010 9:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
Could somebody at least explain to her how lucky we are that daylight savings time is in affect. Otherwise the wind would be blowing to the west.
April 20, 2010 10:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh please! People taking this terrorist nonsense WAY too seriously.
Lou
www.ultimate-privacy.at.tc
April 21, 2010 10:26 AM | Reply | Permalink
Well, I fell for it until the last couple paragraphs. It does sound like something she could say. Nice job.
I'm reminded of how the now defunct SPY magazine interviewed congressmen about a fictitious bill. Most of them were full of piss and vinegar about something that didn't even exist, yet none questioned it.
BTW this item is going viral on Digg, so who wants to place bets on how soon Fox reports it as truth and comes to Palin's defense?
April 21, 2010 11:00 AM | Reply | Permalink
You mean they haven't already?
April 21, 2010 11:05 AM | Reply | Permalink
I was disappointed there wasn't a line about how she could see Iceland from her house, but that might have made the joke a little *too* obvious. :)
April 21, 2010 11:39 AM | Reply | Permalink
I was 3/4 through that, and I actually thought those were real Palin quotes. Well done! It did give me a flashback to the nightmarish shivers I had when considering that this woman could actually be VP to a senile old President.
Care to guess where our nation would be today had that actually happened?
April 21, 2010 11:03 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hey, Grampy could have dropped from apoplexy when he saw all those kids on his lawn last Easter - then where would we all be?
April 21, 2010 4:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
Gotta say, while I'm impressed with the wit, I'm not impressed with your use of the Reuters name. Someone will use this piece like it's real, despite the fact that it reads like something from The Onion.
April 21, 2010 11:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
This cannot be a serious article. It has to be a joke. Not even Palin believes the President has control over a volcano! Come on now! I read this piece twice. It's a joke. Send this to Jay or Jon. I would love to see them turn it into a Saturday night Live type skit. It's too funny to be true. Thanks. I need that laugh.
April 21, 2010 12:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think the 'magma' that erupted from Levi Johnson's volcano caused Palin more harm than the on in Iceland.
April 21, 2010 1:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
Such a thin thin line between satire and reality sometimes.
April 21, 2010 1:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
Scary. With Palin, my 'suspension of disbelief' is through the roof. The woman will do anything for a buck.
April 21, 2010 4:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
And this is the woman who would be Republican presidential candidate?
April 21, 2010 1:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
You could tell it was satire when it mentioned "Sarah Palin" in connection with "Q&A session."
Queen Sarah doesn't do the Q&A.
Also.
April 21, 2010 1:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
The worst part is I took it seriously, until I read the comments.
April 21, 2010 1:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
Nice satire but you should remove the Reuters bug from the top of the story, partly because they didn't write it and partly because they'd never make the mistakes with apostrophes that you made.
To indicate more than one of something -- as in plural -- in nearly all cases you need to simply add an "s" -- not an apostrophe s. So it would be "volcanos" not "volcano's."
If something belongs to something -- as in a possessive -- you usually need an apostrophe s.
If in doubt, don't use an apostrophe.
April 21, 2010 2:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
I was trying to remove the Reuters thing but i can't find the edit function on TPM.
Yeah some other people commented on the spelling, but i am told its volcanoes (irregular) and not volcanos in the plural so now we both made a mistake ;)
April 21, 2010 2:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
Found the edit, removed Reuters.. I agree adding Reuters went to far. Although it sure sounds like them, putting a quote by AEI in but not expert commentary...
April 21, 2010 2:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
I can't believe I'm going to say this because I am not a fan of correcting anyone's spelling, but when you say "went to far" it should be went "too" far...don't you just LOVE the English language?
April 22, 2010 5:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yeah speaking is alright, writing is a pain in the ass, i can use all the complex vocabulary i want as a PHD and then stumble over the subtleties of you immensely complex grammar...
April 23, 2010 3:13 AM | Reply | Permalink
Let's just say you're doing great! I couldn't ask for a glass of water in your language!
April 23, 2010 10:10 AM | Reply | Permalink
Nice.
April 21, 2010 5:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
Maybe Palin should offer herself up to the Icelandic version of Pele for the good of country. I supposes she knows a lot of about volcanoes from her stints at two colleges in Hawaii, having a lot of them in Alaska and dealing with the temper of John McCain (just ask five or six of his fellow Republican senators.
April 21, 2010 7:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
OMG. You mean she could see volcanoes from her dorm room?
April 22, 2010 5:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
Don't worry Palin. Obama has been spotted leaving an empty telephone booth in his tights & cape. He's flying toward Eyjafjallajokull as I type. Let's hope the terrorists don't stop him with kryptonite.
April 21, 2010 7:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
No more corrections! It was funnier before the changes.
April 21, 2010 8:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
OMG, I needed that today. Perfectly done!!!
April 21, 2010 9:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
You made this up? I hope? If you didn't her comments hit a new level of mind boggling stupidity.
April 21, 2010 10:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
The more popular, prestigious, & powerful Gov. Palin becomes, the more evident becomes the desperation, hysteria, paranoia, and utter moral decay of her detractors.
April 22, 2010 5:36 AM | Reply | Permalink
the G.O.P. has an objectively weak set of 2012 hopefuls.
Palin is currently at 48 unfavorable,39 favorable. The least liked of all the weak potential Republican 2012 candidates.
April 22, 2010 5:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
"...moral decay of her detractors..." The woman is a media whore and a shill for any comers. This woman is fueled by moral decay.
April 23, 2010 11:04 AM | Reply | Permalink
April Fools was three weeks ago. This would have been funnier then. Nice try, though.
April 22, 2010 3:08 PM | Reply | Permalink
Danke'.
I had a streetcar driver yell at me in front of the whole sreetcar, in Amsterdam,
"'Danke'', NOT 'DONKEY'!!"
OK, sorry...
April 23, 2010 12:02 AM | Reply | Permalink
I have no doubt Sarah Palin couldn't find Iceland on a map.
April 23, 2010 1:19 PM | Reply | Permalink