The Interview
She put her new suit on, gathered up the house keys and her portfolio containing ten copies of her latest, greatest resume, and took a deep breath.
Then she exhaled, smiled at the cats, and wished herself luck. Er, scratch that. Success. Not luck.
By the time she make it down the three flights of stairs, she was almost ready for the cold bracing weather.
She walked with head held high all the way to the train station, bought her round trip fare, and then sat on the bench with legs crossed and hands clasped for fifteen minutes straight. Without praying, or glancing down the tracks.
Got on the train and watched the Bronx go by.
Not until the deep dark of the tunnel did she let herself feel nervous, but one quick glance at her reflection told her she'd be fine.
She made it to the office suite and had to take turns with another woman just as hopeful, just as needy, just in the nick of time.
She found out during the interview that this was just a quickie, an overview before the next big interview. So she did her best to ace this audition.
Once it was over, she ventured outside into the cold city air, and felt the heat of the people passing by. She'd forgotten how warm Manhattan could be. How the heartbeat of footsteps and traffic keeps one alive. And here it is Fall, after all. Central Park's falling leaves leave their scent throughout midtown while only barely giving a hint of the burning chestnuts yet to come. But come they will, she knows.
The late afternoon sun was not warm enough to push her on to other opportunities this day, so she made her way back to the shadowy entrance of Grand Central. Found her train easily enough, and sat for twenty minutes waiting for its jaws to close before the beast containing her would move.
She was reluctant to go home, but her day here was done. Other beasts needed taming. Including her soul, which needed reclaiming, before she'd let the city swallow her whole yet again.
She had missed it, she had kissed it goodbye once, and now the hello was all too familiar. Twenty years after leaving it, she needed it again.
What beast had been tamed, she had to wonder aloud, before giving her cats their afternoon snack and then stripping herself of her suit.
Then she exhaled, smiled at the cats, and wished herself luck. Er, scratch that. Success. Not luck.
By the time she make it down the three flights of stairs, she was almost ready for the cold bracing weather.
She walked with head held high all the way to the train station, bought her round trip fare, and then sat on the bench with legs crossed and hands clasped for fifteen minutes straight. Without praying, or glancing down the tracks.
Got on the train and watched the Bronx go by.
Not until the deep dark of the tunnel did she let herself feel nervous, but one quick glance at her reflection told her she'd be fine.
She made it to the office suite and had to take turns with another woman just as hopeful, just as needy, just in the nick of time.
She found out during the interview that this was just a quickie, an overview before the next big interview. So she did her best to ace this audition.
Once it was over, she ventured outside into the cold city air, and felt the heat of the people passing by. She'd forgotten how warm Manhattan could be. How the heartbeat of footsteps and traffic keeps one alive. And here it is Fall, after all. Central Park's falling leaves leave their scent throughout midtown while only barely giving a hint of the burning chestnuts yet to come. But come they will, she knows.
The late afternoon sun was not warm enough to push her on to other opportunities this day, so she made her way back to the shadowy entrance of Grand Central. Found her train easily enough, and sat for twenty minutes waiting for its jaws to close before the beast containing her would move.
She was reluctant to go home, but her day here was done. Other beasts needed taming. Including her soul, which needed reclaiming, before she'd let the city swallow her whole yet again.
She had missed it, she had kissed it goodbye once, and now the hello was all too familiar. Twenty years after leaving it, she needed it again.
What beast had been tamed, she had to wonder aloud, before giving her cats their afternoon snack and then stripping herself of her suit.
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Good morning, Lis...I see I'm not the only one still up, venting, in hopes of getting to sleep soon.
Sleep well, my friend.
October 15, 2009 3:39 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hope, fear, desperation, loss...would it not be easier if we could kind of separate all these emotions...kind of schedule them?
I see a little girl in a big big city. Almost a country by itself.
I see a professional attempting to make a new life, a new career and a new perspective.
Wonderful prose LisB
October 15, 2009 3:48 AM | Reply | Permalink
I wish we could schedule the emotions as well as the trains, yeah.
Can't sleep, dammit.
City's still in me, maybe. That better be what it is, heh....cuz if it's quiet desperation, I'm fucked.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYiahoYfPGk
October 15, 2009 3:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
And did they get you to trade
Your heros for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
October 15, 2009 4:04 AM | Reply | Permalink
Not sure yet. Depends on whether I get the job or not. Heh heh...
The word "ouch" comes to mind, but that's too simple a word to describe the hope and fear that a job interview entails.
I turn 45 in a few days. I never envisioned this as a birthday present.
But, hey, the kid in pigtails knew life wouldn't be easy....she just knew it would be new.
October 15, 2009 4:11 AM | Reply | Permalink
as erza pound said: make it new
and i turn 45 in a few days too. hello fellow libra and tailend of the boomers.
October 15, 2009 4:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
Gen X and a Libra to boot. No wonder we get along.
Now, you gonna close the chat room with me, or what?
October 15, 2009 4:23 AM | Reply | Permalink
excellent
a life lived honestly. how difficult is that, but the reward...joy in chestnuts.
October 15, 2009 3:53 AM | Reply | Permalink
You write well and seem to enjoy it, have you considered that as a career option? JK Rowling was unemployed when she created Harry Potter (and the billion dollars it earned for her). I'm still rooting for you to hit that top tax bracket and morph into a fiscal conservative!
October 15, 2009 8:22 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hahaha! Thanks, CBD, for the kind words. I wouldn't mind ending up like JK Rowling...but don't count on me becoming a conservative, hee hee.
October 15, 2009 3:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
As though every wealthy person is conservative. Well, if you ignore Kerry, and Kennedy, and Turner, and Soros, and etc., etc., etc.
October 16, 2009 12:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
You'll let us all hear when it's good news, I trust?
October 15, 2009 10:13 AM | Reply | Permalink
Of course. Y'all will be the first to know, I promise.
October 15, 2009 3:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
Interviews are always weird.
Thanks for the image of the smell of chestnuts in The City. I'm suddenly back there sidling up to a vender and getting my little waxy packet full of hot goodness. Steamy smoke curling around both the vender and me and away through the chill air. Crunchy leaves blowing down the street and through the people.
Heh, this is one of those times that I wish I still lived in DC, just 4 hrs (depending on the turnpike) from NYC.
wishing you luck.
October 15, 2009 11:35 AM | Reply | Permalink
Funny, but I never cared for the smell of roasting chestnuts. But I do love the smell of Autumn, and right now, it's pretty strong.
October 15, 2009 3:49 PM | Reply | Permalink
I have a good feeling about this interview. You?
(You can do anything, for the simple reason you will do it well.)
Keep warm. All shall be well.
October 15, 2009 11:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, Loosey. You've been so encouraging -- I really appreciate it.
October 15, 2009 3:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
Sorry, but I go to my catechism here: It's not scattershot, but it is a numbers game, Loosey. Send the thank you notes, do everything to shore up the interview that's gone buy and that opportunity. Then immediately seek the next opportunity. Feeling good about an interview IMHO is totally nowhere. Play the numbers game, wisely and energetically.
All us unemployed/underemployed please take note.
October 15, 2009 3:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
Good luck!!!
No! Check that.
SUCCESS vibes coming your way!!!!
October 15, 2009 11:53 AM | Reply | Permalink
That's the spirit! Thanks, Icky.
October 15, 2009 3:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
Ah, Lis..
Hope you got some rest! There will soon be a new adventure with endless possibilities and choices for you to make - you need to be ready!
I truly believe there is something very positive and rewarding just waiting for you!
October 15, 2009 12:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, Aunt Sam. I keep going back and forth -- getting nervous about the future, and then feeling strong and hopeful. Maybe my first goal should be getting my emotions on an even keel. That would be nice, heh.
October 15, 2009 3:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
Courage confronting vulnerability, and overcoming it in the process. That's what I read here, and it is a rare kind of courage indeed.
Good luck, lis. No, strike that. Success! It will be yours. (And, yes, do not overlook putting these writing talents of yours to work for fun and profit. You gots skilz!)
October 15, 2009 12:32 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, SJ. You're not a bad writer yourself, ya know.
October 15, 2009 3:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
LisB: Few things are as difficult as living in limbo. Which, if prolonged, doesn't feel like living at all but, rather, seems more like treading treacly water in some alternate universe.
Just when you need energy the most, you may feel most drained. Just when a sunny smile is required, tears threaten to spill. Just when what seems as if it is a mountain must be climbed, climbing the train station stairs seems insurmountable.
You, Lis, are doing everything right: suiting up, stepping out, stepping up to today's challenge. I admire you. Rest now; tomorrow is another day.
October 15, 2009 1:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
I rec' this excellent comment.
October 15, 2009 2:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Me too. Thank you, Wendy. I only wish I had half of your grace and wisdom.
October 15, 2009 3:55 PM | Reply | Permalink
WOW! yes, I know those feelings all to well. I had an interview 2 months ago. They talked salary, suggested they did not want to waste my time and offfers in the low X's. Weeks go by with nothing, then an e-mail to come in for #2. They like me, but when salary talks, it is at the bottom of the X's, not low X's. How did it sink when my 2nd round was so much better then my first. They repeat, they do not want to waste my time. I reply my past work was 50% higher, I made Y. I offer the middle from their low X and my prior Y. They need to look at their numbers. No word since Friday. I need a job, but what price is my pride? Have not shaved since the last round.
October 15, 2009 2:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
It can be really discouraging, Gregor. Still, ya gotta get up and try again...and again...and again...and shave now and then. ;)
October 15, 2009 3:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
You're braver than you realize, Lis. You did great.
October 15, 2009 3:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, Gasket. I don't feel very brave, but all the kindness and encouragement from you guys sure does help. And hey, this whole situation has given me lots of writing material, so...it's all good.
October 15, 2009 3:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
You described the inbound trip scenario well enough that I almost got the sympathetic urge to run to the bathroom. :-) And then the aftermath of "the big Manhattan appointment," too--where your body and mind functions have finally adjusted and you want to stay and want more, it's time to go home, either that or wander until you find some more action, often futilely.
October 15, 2009 4:47 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks, AA. Been a long time since I've gone into the city seeking a job. First did it when I was fresh out of secretarial school at 19 or 20. I'd forgotten what it was like - it can be a real rush.
October 15, 2009 4:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
LisB
We all find ourselves cruising around seemingly comfortable but not even knowing how much of life we are really missing. It usually takes some sort of traumatic event to both remind us and indeed force of to reexamine the direction our lives were heading; if anywhere. Those autumn smells of fallen foliage and chestnuts roasting in steam have always been there but perhaps for you unnoticed until now. In many ways I envy you, yes envy! I have been comfortable for so long I have been afraid of big changes even though i know that this "agony of living slicing up the boredom of being" is life itself and not the static existence that most would call comfortable.
Once again a touching post worthy of recommending!
Thank you for sharing,
M. Paul
October 16, 2009 12:28 AM | Reply | Permalink
Basically they jerked you around, LisB.
So okay, fuck them.
They can get away with it in the current climate, and so they will persist. Whatever.
We will persevere because we are stronger, better, and as Ted Kennedy would espouse, *more prepared.* And don't ever forget that the yo-yo's conducting these interviews may be but one hour away from getting themselves a pink slip. Possibly waiting just outside that interview door or them. And then they won't feel so proud about having to be scrougin', but you'll be one step ahead, on to the next opportunity, one or more of which is going to be paydirt, Lis.
Your allegiant servitor,
Overreach THIS!
October 15, 2009 4:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
For what it's worth, Mr. Loosey, who was recently laid off after more than three years tenure, advises getting in touch with everyone with whom you have had any business contact. Absobloomin'lutely everyone. I watched him do it. Just a friendly call to announce his sudden availability and to ask for any advice, any suggestion of where to turn. Of course he watched for and responded to all ads. The severance from the global firm he worked for was a whopping two weeks salary, the same awarded to the rest of the 33% of the workers who were laid off, some with very young children. (For comparison, our son was laid off from his Palm gig where he has worked for a year with three months severance.)
But getting in touch with professional contacts worked. Three weeks after the severance he started to work with one of them, whose name is Lucky!
I have to say I am in awe of my husband. Not just for his looks and his smarts. I am in awe of his attitude and his New England work ethic.
When I say Good luck Lissy, I am making a wish. When I say I believe you will land on your feet, I am expressing faith. And faith is a good thing.
Hah! Luck is too. See above.
October 15, 2009 6:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
The last time I went on an interview was maybe 10 years ago. I did THINK I was going on one a few years ago, but as I was trying to show my portfolio, the woman sat me down, gave me a pile of corrections, showed me where the files were, and said "ask me if you have any questions."
So, I did the corrections.
=D
Still doing them . . . at one point they remembered to hire me.
Just... be prepared. Employment has gotten to be quite an adventure-ture-ture.....
October 15, 2009 9:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
I echo Aunt Sam and believe something wonderful is waiting for you. And you are a very gifted writer, first class even. Once you have your safety and security sewn up, I hope you submit some of your prose to wherever you're supposed to submit it to get a career going. You are that good.
This has to be the first time I've seen a compliment fall out of the Clever Bulldog's keyboard.
October 16, 2009 2:47 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks, Shellie. I'm gonna work on the writing, believe me. But, yeah, it would be nice to have a job first.
I know, right? I love it! I wanna frame it and hang it on my wall.
October 16, 2009 10:05 AM | Reply | Permalink
Best.
I have faith.
October 16, 2009 3:33 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks, Sal. I do too (most times, anyway).
October 16, 2009 10:06 AM | Reply | Permalink