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The Fall
"Okay....hit rock bottom."
She took a deep breath and tried it on.
Started to giggle, because she pictured a mermaid breaking her toe on a drunk. We all know mermaids have no toes, which is why she thought this was funny.
"Reached the point of no return."
Refused to try that one on, because it was so final. Nothing in her life, so far, had been final. So why start now?
"Fell on bad days."
Chris Cornell had already used that one, not that her mother (and maybe even his?) would know it.
All the while she stared up at the ceiling and noticed that it was starting to sink a bit, in spots.
Not that she could complain. Her shower was already caving in, and that only took up three square feet, albeit in a rectangular pattern, but even that was not enough to get her slumlord to visit.
He, the Man of No Termite Activity, who received Terminex bills every month at the site of infestation (i.e., her apartment, and theirs - the people under the stairs), yet still claimed no infestation existed.
So therefore, no infestation existed.
So sayeth the Slum Lord. He Who Shall Never Drive Down Here.
He only lived 40 miles north. But, shit....this was New York. Can anybody blame him?
Besides. Her apartment was kinda cool. It had character. She liked to think that it was a reflection of herself. She liked to think it was her haven. She liked to think as she lay across the futon in the middle of the middle of the apartment that was the heart of it, that it was her heart, in stucco and dry wall.
She liked to think a lot, in fact. But only so far as the thoughts made sense. Because once they became too difficult, she didn't want to wikipedia her way out of a good donnybrook. She just wanted to go to bed.
And she could go to bed either in the middle of the futon, or in the middle of her bed.
Depending on her mood, on any given night.
And, now, any given day.
And so she lay.
* * * * * * * * * *
She awoke, that first Monday, at the time that she would awaken on any given Monday. And there were the cats, staring. And the sun, shining.
The alarm clock did not beep. She gave a derisive smile, and went back to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * *
She dreamed of trains. A train in the backyard of her aunt's house. Her aunt took this train home to the backyard and kept it there, for old time's sake, even though she had no room for it, and it was old and falling apart. Later, she realized the train represented her father. Meanwhile, she dreamt also of soap suds on dishes that needed constant rinsing, and rooms in houses that meandered and grew ever darker and more frightening. She awoke at 11 a.m. without feeling as though she'd slept at all.
Twenty minutes later, her phone rang.
She recognized the office phone number, and let it go to voicemail.
Ten minutes later, she listened to the message left behind.
They wanted her to call in, and talk at length about what was still pending, depending on her mood.
They wanted to keep the doors open, while closing them slowly and with little final clicking noises that only she could hear.
They wanted to give her a chance, if she was willing to dance.
They wanted her to call back, and show up, and save her personal files to a personal disk.
No risk.
She decided to get out of bed, and maybe aim for all of that. Starting with the dancing, and the risk.
Because, otherwise, let's face it. What would be the point of getting out of bed?
* * * * * * * * * *
She made it through the office visit, and got home, and got with it. Put her music on. Got in her mood. The one that let no one in but the people she decided could come in. She could only do this because it was a Monday and she had nowhere to go on Tuesday. It was a nice feeling, yet....she felt lonely.
Already, lonely.
Not feeling strong and secure at all.
Oh, what a fall.
And with that, she let herself think of autumn, and the clear blue sky.
The crisp smell of leaves falling and school starting and notebooks calling and new friends to be made by other people who knew how to make friends without feeling shy.
She took a deep breath and tried it on.
Started to giggle, because she pictured a mermaid breaking her toe on a drunk. We all know mermaids have no toes, which is why she thought this was funny.
"Reached the point of no return."
Refused to try that one on, because it was so final. Nothing in her life, so far, had been final. So why start now?
"Fell on bad days."
Chris Cornell had already used that one, not that her mother (and maybe even his?) would know it.
All the while she stared up at the ceiling and noticed that it was starting to sink a bit, in spots.
Not that she could complain. Her shower was already caving in, and that only took up three square feet, albeit in a rectangular pattern, but even that was not enough to get her slumlord to visit.
He, the Man of No Termite Activity, who received Terminex bills every month at the site of infestation (i.e., her apartment, and theirs - the people under the stairs), yet still claimed no infestation existed.
So therefore, no infestation existed.
So sayeth the Slum Lord. He Who Shall Never Drive Down Here.
He only lived 40 miles north. But, shit....this was New York. Can anybody blame him?
Besides. Her apartment was kinda cool. It had character. She liked to think that it was a reflection of herself. She liked to think it was her haven. She liked to think as she lay across the futon in the middle of the middle of the apartment that was the heart of it, that it was her heart, in stucco and dry wall.
She liked to think a lot, in fact. But only so far as the thoughts made sense. Because once they became too difficult, she didn't want to wikipedia her way out of a good donnybrook. She just wanted to go to bed.
And she could go to bed either in the middle of the futon, or in the middle of her bed.
Depending on her mood, on any given night.
And, now, any given day.
And so she lay.
* * * * * * * * * *
She awoke, that first Monday, at the time that she would awaken on any given Monday. And there were the cats, staring. And the sun, shining.
The alarm clock did not beep. She gave a derisive smile, and went back to sleep.
* * * * * * * * * *
She dreamed of trains. A train in the backyard of her aunt's house. Her aunt took this train home to the backyard and kept it there, for old time's sake, even though she had no room for it, and it was old and falling apart. Later, she realized the train represented her father. Meanwhile, she dreamt also of soap suds on dishes that needed constant rinsing, and rooms in houses that meandered and grew ever darker and more frightening. She awoke at 11 a.m. without feeling as though she'd slept at all.
Twenty minutes later, her phone rang.
She recognized the office phone number, and let it go to voicemail.
Ten minutes later, she listened to the message left behind.
They wanted her to call in, and talk at length about what was still pending, depending on her mood.
They wanted to keep the doors open, while closing them slowly and with little final clicking noises that only she could hear.
They wanted to give her a chance, if she was willing to dance.
They wanted her to call back, and show up, and save her personal files to a personal disk.
No risk.
She decided to get out of bed, and maybe aim for all of that. Starting with the dancing, and the risk.
Because, otherwise, let's face it. What would be the point of getting out of bed?
* * * * * * * * * *
She made it through the office visit, and got home, and got with it. Put her music on. Got in her mood. The one that let no one in but the people she decided could come in. She could only do this because it was a Monday and she had nowhere to go on Tuesday. It was a nice feeling, yet....she felt lonely.
Already, lonely.
Not feeling strong and secure at all.
Oh, what a fall.
And with that, she let herself think of autumn, and the clear blue sky.
The crisp smell of leaves falling and school starting and notebooks calling and new friends to be made by other people who knew how to make friends without feeling shy.
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(((((((hugs))))))))
September 15, 2009 7:40 AM | Reply | Permalink
A chronicle for our times. It would be a real contribution to the café if someone with your writing skills might maintain this kind of narrative. It would be humanizing as well as serve as a foil for the reflections of others here. Studs Terkel would approve.
Most of us here are more sensitive and humane than our neighbors deserve. We don’t much like to look at life as numbers - 12% unemployment, 4621 dead, 700 billion dollars – we feel it diminishes us. It isn’t that we prefer a melancholy poesy. We find it as unhealthy as eating too much junk food thinking of life and its moments as categories, like some mass produced products sitting on a factory loading dock – a gross of disappointment here, cases if 10 paks of same old-same old there. Life has value on the individual level; the rest is a phantasm of the mind. One apple plus one apple is not two apples. It is an apple and a different apple.
I too have had a few of those first Monday mornings. It is a lot like breaking up as a couple. You don’t quite fit in as before because everyone is used to you as “a couple.” You can’t quite do many things as before because there is one now instead of two. Decisions are immediate and do not wait upon some consensus but rather than making decisions easier it makes them harder. You almost wish you could have the bad stuff back – the stuff that made you separate. Oh but no. That’s crazy. But then what isn’t crazy right now? “The Fall” indeed. Was Lucifer right? Is it “better to rule in Hell than serve in Heaven” or was he just putting on a brave front?
Of course it is the season of growth. It doesn’t come with a certain position of the earth with respect to the sun like Spring. This season is personal, part of one’s personal orrery. Like astronomers from another solar system, each of us watches you from afar in the hopes of learning something about our own world. So please do continue this narrative.
And of course we love you.
September 15, 2009 7:43 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, Larry. I just wanted to try my hand at writing. The subject, oddly enough, was at hand.
I will keep up the narrative, and it will get happier eventually.
It can only go up from here.
Thanks for understanding.
September 15, 2009 11:39 AM | Reply | Permalink
wow, Larry. This comment is almost as good as the post that inspired it. Seriously.
September 15, 2009 11:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
It was good.
September 16, 2009 3:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
When you get up the energy to start looking for work, keep a real open mind and make sure you take a serious, hard look into Europe. Luxembourg is a pretty good place to start if your of the accounting/financial persuasion. Also, look into teaching at the Department of Defense School System (DoDS) and any number of GS positions with the US military and Embassy's in Europe. If you need another job, you might as well get one were you can enjoy the world for a change.
PS - it's really cheap to live over here once you get the hang of things.
September 15, 2009 8:26 AM | Reply | Permalink
Heh, I'd be happy just moving to Chicago.
But, thanks.
September 15, 2009 11:57 AM | Reply | Permalink
Where am I now? How far can I fall?
Reality is not fun.
If you are not busy being born, you are busy dying.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ8UqstzNlU
Despair first.
THEN EMPOWERMENT.
September 15, 2009 8:40 AM | Reply | Permalink
Lis, I obviously don't know you personally--but I do, because you write about yourself so well. I've known plenty of writers--some whose names you would know--and I add you to their ranks.
I think, Lis, you've just found your calling. You have a style like no one else. There is a poignant bravery to your willingness to put your innermost thoughts and fears out there. You are one of a kind.
My suggestion: Start a journal today. Buy a couple of cheap, spiral-bound 5x7 notebooks and use this post as the starting point. (Don't buy a fancy journal. You'll feel you have to fill it with fancy words.) Write whatever you want in it, in any way you want. Don't worry about style in your journal. It's substance you're recording. Be sure and date every entry.
Someday your journals will be the catalyst for a more ambitious effort. How do I know this? Because I've seen this so many times before. I'm witnessing the birth of a writer. It's scary, it's overwhelming, but it's a path you are on now and unless you completely sabotage it, you're on it to stay.
Lis, if you want to talk about this, my email is ramona@ramonasvoices.com. I'm there for you.
September 15, 2009 8:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
I rec this comment!
Life will keep happening anyway so why not pursue giving your greatest gifts and experiencing your greatest joy.
Have you every reached your limit for experiencing joy?
Yesterday when I was walking my puppy around a beautiful lake... we were close to the end of the trail and there had been many places where very tall grasses were siding the path. Spontaneously he jumped into the tall grass and started frolicking and leaping in and out of the tall grasses in glee, stopping a moment to share his joy with me or lay in it and take it in... then back to romping and frolicking.
His joy made me realize how much I deny myself joy for absolutely no reason at all. I've just developed the habit of focusing on 'supposed to' and responsibilities and such.
A spiritual teacher I met recently said it is our highest calling to live our greatest joy. Not so easily done. Why do so few do it?
He shared a story he learned from a Buddhist teacher:
Mother Theresa passes away and appears in front of the gates of heaven. Saint Peter is smiling, standing at the gate. She walks up to Saint Peter and says 'I'm ready. Please let me in.'
Saint Peter says 'oh, no, you don't want to go in there.'
'What?' she said 'Are you kidding me? I've given my life in service. Let me in.'
St. Peter says 'No really. You don't want to go in there. You don't understand. They are seriously partying in there. 'you' don't know what that's like.' (the idea being it would be a shock to her system)
We seem to have a much greater habit/capacity for misery and denial than allowing ourselves joy because in general we seem to have a habit for denying it.
September 15, 2009 12:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
I think we're taught to be adults too soon. Or, rather, to stop being childlike.
Given your story, I think I'd like to be puppylike. If only for a day.
September 15, 2009 12:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
Here's a song I love for moments like these...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-aGKz764VE&feature=fvw
Sounds of Blackness
I’m Going all the Way
Whatever it takes to make it
I’m going all the way
I may be down sometimes
But I won’t be down always
I’ve had some problems
Heartache and pain
Tryin’ to find the answers
‘been rackin’ my brain
Oh but as I thought about it
Began to come clear…
To get myself together and
Go on from HERE…
chorus
Whatever it takes to make it…
I’m going all the way
I may be down sometimes
But I won’t be down always
Now I know better,
It’s time to move on
My determination…
Is what keeps me strong
Oh I believe in myself
Like never before!
Faith is the key…
To unlock the Door!
Chorus
Whatever it takes to make it…
I’m going all the way
I may be down sometimes
But I won’t be down always
Whatever it takes to make it
I’m going all the way
I may be down sometimes
I won’t be down always
Whatever it will take…to help you reach that goal
Don’t give up HOPE!…I KNOW YOU CAN COPE
Just move on don’t ever stop just keep marching on
Sing it sing it sing it
Don’t you give up Don’t you give up don’t you give in don’t you give in hold to your goal
September 15, 2009 12:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
Also recommend
'Nothing Is Impossible' by Dubtribe Sound System
September 15, 2009 12:38 PM | Reply | Permalink
for dancing... :)
September 15, 2009 12:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
What the chicken said...
September 15, 2009 9:03 AM | Reply | Permalink
My hugs back, to you and Bwak.
And thank you.
September 15, 2009 1:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
Nice blog, LisB. Just keep writing. They can't take that away from you.
Years ago, I ran a creative writing group in Cincinnati. It was fairly successful as these things go (meaning, it met roughly once a month for about 10 years). Since I moved to New York 13 years ago, I have tried repeatedly to form another group, with zero success. I haven't given up on the idea, but I have learned that I have to adapt to NY lifestyles, which are always in flux and overbooked (no one's life is ever overbooked in Cincinnati!), so meeting in person is difficult if not downright impossible.
Although my writing-group model was based on a class format one of my professors used, you've given me an idea that if enough people are seriously interested (emphasis on the word seriously), I could form a virtual group.
Anyway, just speaking off the top of my head here, because it's a new idea inspired by your post. Hope it's not too OT, but if people are interested in participating, I could begin collecting names for a mailing list.
September 15, 2009 9:48 AM | Reply | Permalink
Sign me up.
September 15, 2009 10:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
Sign me up too.
September 15, 2009 11:42 AM | Reply | Permalink
Cool. It'd be an honor to work with you, ww and LisB. :-)
You both have very different personalities, which automatically makes the group interesting. I'm totally psyched.
What I have in mind, btw, is that feedback from the group would be constructive and sincerely helpful to every writer who presents a piece. That means flaming is not an option and won't be tolerated. So, giving feedback will require genuine effort, which is what I have in mind when I use the word "serious." I say this to reassure you both and also to encourage anyone else who might be interested but who has reasonable reservations.
September 15, 2009 12:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
Agreed. So glad you're willing to do this, Gasket -- thank you. Something purposeful and positive... when may we start?
September 15, 2009 12:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hahaha!! We can start fairly soon. For my part, I have to write down some ground rules, etc., and also shoot an email to a couple others I know who might be interested. Realistically, we can be in touch after this blog goes by the wayside, but I'd like to get some bare-bones structure in place (even virtual structure) before the group officially begins. Sound good?
Meanwhile, if you have something you are working on, take a fresh look at it and get it into the shape you want for people to read. Could be anything in any style (I am not a snob): a short story, a book chapter, a memoir excerpt, a poem, creative nonfiction (although to be honest, from my experience, I foresee some limitations in critiquing poetry and serious nonfiction), anything you are writing that you want feedback on.
Thank you for being interested, ww. For me, it's not only a pleasure but a necessity after many false starts.
September 15, 2009 1:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
lisbaumann@yahoo.com
September 15, 2009 1:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
Okay, scratch that. Yahoo has been giving me error messages for two hours straight, and I can no longer access my inbox.
Lisbindahouse at gmail dot com.
Looking forward to working with you all.
September 15, 2009 2:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
Gasket: you can reach me here: wwstaebler@gmail.com
September 15, 2009 1:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
stillidealistic@ymail.com
September 15, 2009 1:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh, GAWD...this scares me to death. I have never put THAT kind of stuff out for anyone to read...I am so out of the league of lis and ww and barefooted. Promise not to laugh at things that aren't supposed to be funny?
September 15, 2009 1:40 PM | Reply | Permalink
stilli, if you can jump into the shark-infested waters here, you can brave anything. Sharks are not allowed at the effort I have in mind, so I predict you are going to have a great time. Yes, it's scary to bring your writing out of the closet, but everyone will be an equal in this group, and we all have something to learn as well as to offer.
September 15, 2009 1:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
kinda, maybe, sorta too.
September 15, 2009 1:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
Please do join in/up, Beetlejuice. In your posts, I hear not only clear thought but also feeling. So, imo, your personal writings on other subjects would be a gift, shared.
September 15, 2009 5:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
Me too if you all will have me.
clandesdun@yahoo.com
And thank you gasket.
September 15, 2009 5:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
I would love to join all of you in this endeavor if you are OK with that. I love the idea of a writing group in cyberspace.
September 15, 2009 1:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
Interested as well.
September 15, 2009 1:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
Of course! You can find my email address under my profile at my much-neglected blog.
September 15, 2009 1:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
No grades, right? Hey, the ol perfessor could learn a thing or three.
September 15, 2009 8:36 PM | Reply | Permalink
Can I just be on a reading list?
September 15, 2009 8:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
No grades, amike, although there will be homework (reading other people's work and thinking hard about it).
Of course you can be on the "reading list," Bwak. I'm thinking of setting up a blog site specifically for the group, so anyone can read/follow and contribute if so inspired. Right now I'm trying to get a sense of how much material people have. Once I know that, I can set a rough reading schedule.
September 15, 2009 9:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
FYI, unless you make the site a closed, membership-only group, anything posted there will be considered previously published by future editors, and most magazines and journals do not consider anything that has been previously published.
And they do use Google to search.
September 16, 2009 11:48 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks for mentioning this; I will look into it. From what people have told me so far, I think most of the material they are working on is not remotely in "publishable" form yet. In fact, some people are not interested in publishing at all; they are simply interested in craft, in becoming better writers and learning from others. So what gets posted will be drafts, and the final versions may be quite different.
For those who do want to pursue publication, my guess is they will take some initiative to research where to publish for proper exposure. Most people at that level begin that kind of research on their own. And I intend to encourage people who are at that level to do exactly that.
September 16, 2009 12:07 PM | Reply | Permalink
Still, it would be better to go with a membership model, because some editors consider even a draft of a story to be previous publication. And nothing pisses off an editor like finding out, from someone other than the author, that a story they just published has been published elsewhere. They're funny that way.
As for finding markets for stories and poems, one of the best resources is Duotrope.com. I track all my submissions there. And I use Querytracker.com in my (so far fruitless) search for an agent for my novels.
September 16, 2009 1:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
I haven't had that experience with editors myself, although I've mostly dealt with book editors, not as many magazine or literary journal editors. Book editors don't have this concern; they just add a line on the copyright page noting previous publication. I briefly worked for a literary journal that was willing to print previously published material.
September 16, 2009 2:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
Few will even consider it, and then only if you're a very famous writer. Others have restrictions, such as - never been published online (for an online journal), never published in print (for a print journal), published in a journal with very small circulation, or published more than five years ago.
Whenver I sell a new story and long before it is published, I will see the story title or part of the first sentence pop up as a Google search in my site statistics, as the editor searches to make sure it hasn't been published before and ends up finding my blog. It took me a while to figure out what was happening.
Not to say it isn't possible - I've sold two reprints myself, but as a general rule, if it's ever been online in anything but a members-only venue, like the Zoetrope studios deal, it's considered published. Unless, of course, you're using it on your resume, then it isn't published, except as it applies to their previously published rule. Catch-22
September 16, 2009 3:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
Just looked at your blog, Mr. C. Small world: I know Colleen Lindsay. We both worked at Random House.
September 16, 2009 4:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
I wish she would represent me.
September 16, 2009 4:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
Times are really tough right now. No one is taking on anyone. It's a good time to write; not a good time to publish.
September 16, 2009 4:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
I am writing.
Actually finishing up a novel right now. Trying to, anyway. Too many distractions.
September 16, 2009 5:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
From the looks of your blog, you seem to be doing all the right things. Just keep pushing yourself in your writing, go to conferences and meet editors and agents in person. Pay attention to the smaller houses. And don't give up. Publishing is in dire straits at the moment. It'll take awhile to rebound. It really has nothing to do with you. Business is just really bad.
September 16, 2009 6:54 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yeah, I understand. I'm not sweating it. I'm just writing, filling out my catalog. I have two finished novels, one almost finished, and a bunch more outlined and ready to write. When the industry rebounds, I'll be ready to saturate the market. Meanwhile, I just enjoy writing them.
But this thread has grown thin.
September 16, 2009 9:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
One more thing. I just finished writing a novel last night. Hurray!
September 23, 2009 6:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
What the chicken said. Would love to be on the reading list.
carole.linus at gmail dot com
September 15, 2009 11:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
I like this idea. I really doooooooooooo.
I think of Cafe as a type of lab, supplemented with chat...
It would be fun. Discuss a poem, an excerpt from a book...hell, besides blogs like LisB's, I come across comments that knock my socks off.
Everybody brings something to the table and you lead.
September 15, 2009 4:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
Interested too - my daughter inspires me beyond words. There is so much of her in this post and it shouts out to me. I would love to be a part of this group!!
mam7@ptd.net
September 15, 2009 4:33 PM | Reply | Permalink
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJl0pe-DWy8&feature=related
A song for you about walls falling down, good days, bad days, and big hearts.
September 15, 2009 9:52 AM | Reply | Permalink
I also send big hugs, and I second Ramona. This was written beautifully :)
September 15, 2009 9:57 AM | Reply | Permalink
This is good, lisB. It's so intruiging that you can third-person yourself. When I picture your ability to do that, it's as though you really comprehend that you are witnessing yourself in A moment in time, A rock bottom; not a "been down so long it looks like up to me" time.
Was it prescience that cause you to changed avatars so radically lately? I'm loth to characterize the two; I'd be interested to know what they signifiy to you.
September 15, 2009 10:01 AM | Reply | Permalink
This one is my second of three avatars. It's an odd photo that doesn't really look like me, but a lot of people here liked it. I've been told it's mysterious. Myself, I think it makes me look like an orange oompa loompa.
The Cubs hat will be back soon. For now, I just feel like being mysterious.
As if I could be mysterious with my whole life out there for y'all to see, LOL...
But, still.
September 15, 2009 12:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
Orange Oompa Loompa!!! Nah, not everything's out there. Please consider all the Mysteries you have withheld from us, and rightly so! Go Cubs!
September 15, 2009 12:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
it has an inside, looking out visual effect.
September 15, 2009 1:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
I had always thought this current avatar was meant to be angelic. For some reason it always makes me think of Wings of Desire: http://www.wim-wenders.com/movies/movies_spec/wingsofdesire/wod-song-of-childhood.htm.
I want to say and don't want to say, because it is at once important and at twice sounds trite, but hang in there. Have been there three times now and have always come out on the other end realizing it was where I needed to go.
September 15, 2009 2:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
Luv this avatar, it is so much the "you" I see when I read your work.
September 15, 2009 4:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
I’ve been laid off many times. The first time I was so scared I took a night job stocking shelves at a drugstore. A few weeks later, I got a real job. I juggled two eight hour jobs for three months and had plenty of cash for Xmas.
Later I would be more ticked off than scared. But after I found something else, and the world straightened out, I always looked back and realized what a rut those jobs had become.
September 15, 2009 10:05 AM | Reply | Permalink
Sometimes the universe forces us to do what we think we don't want to, only to find out we actually did want to. Between don't and did can get a little scary at times though.
September 15, 2009 2:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, both, for this encouragement. No, it isn't trite.
This did happen for a reason, and I was stuck in a rut, and not happy and no longer making my boss happy.
I wanted change....and I got it, LOL!! But, what's important is that I needed it.
Sure, it would've been nice if I'd been driving the bus, instead of getting kicked off of it, but...at least I'm on a new road.
Okay, how many more metaphors can I fit into one comment, eh?
Much love and thanks to you all.
September 15, 2009 2:48 PM | Reply | Permalink
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twJdy7z5Ma0
September 15, 2009 4:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
Brava, LisB.
What Ramona said. And the chicken.
-- ARG
September 15, 2009 10:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
When one door hits you on the ass, let that kinetic energy propel you through the next!
Great writing as always; Lis's talent is just beyond me. No words.
No bloody time for gloom, though! You gonna set the world on fire, girl!!
September 15, 2009 11:19 AM | Reply | Permalink
Rec'd with caveat as above.
September 15, 2009 11:32 AM | Reply | Permalink
Hang in there, Lis. I started the same journey earlier this year.
While my ultimate destination is still around the bend, being forced on to the road less traveled led to many opportunities and understandings I may have never achieved otherwise.
Namaste.
September 15, 2009 11:26 AM | Reply | Permalink
Don't let DanK see that you wrote namaste, Jason. He might make fun of us.
Thank you for your insight and support.
September 15, 2009 12:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
I never had as much of a problem with personal blogs as Dan does. It is the personal attacks I could do without.
I actually think personal narratives that highlight national trends is the ONLY way we can knit together our tattered grassroots and start to make some real changes. That doesn't mean some TPM blogs come across as overly self-indulgent, but yours is certainly not one of them.
Thanks for taking the time to craft a powerful story about a condition far too many Americans are having to face these days.
Cheers? :O)
September 15, 2009 12:06 PM | Reply | Permalink
Really well done Lis. My favorite uncle once told me, "Miguel, if you're using an alarm clock to wake up, you're not getting enough sleep". I've pretty much taken his advice to heart. Enjoy that part of this episode. Easing into consciousness is much better for the soul. In my experience, our best is mostly born out of the rubble of life's periodic implosions, and in the end it doesn't come easy. My advice is to go heavy on the dancing, and easy on the risk, OK? :)
September 15, 2009 11:31 AM | Reply | Permalink
OK. And three points for the Ringo song.
September 15, 2009 12:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
Goin' for four points now.
September 15, 2009 12:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
Lennon is an automatic ten points.
September 15, 2009 2:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
Lis! Keep writing, it will keep you sane! Already lonely. Yes that is what happens isn't it, a huge change, friends left behind at work, a hole left in your life.
You are going to fill it though, you have talent! The change will be both terrifying and make you feel incredibly alive. My girlfriend in North Dakota says there are more professional positions out there than they can fill. So you can start there. ND isn't a bad place. It is just different from NY, really different. It is damn cold in the winter, but living there is inexpensive and people are friendly, so damn friendly, just like Montana. The one thing I miss about being in Montana is having the ability to really be internally quiet, because it is so quiet. I have my own love hate relationship with it, but the incredible quiet, and easy friendships, filled with the beautiful outdoors, there is nothing else like it.
www.jobsnd.com, www.northdakotajobs.com, www.nd.gov/hrms/. The last is the state government site, it is always the best place to look first.
Take care Lis, I'll be reading.
September 15, 2009 12:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
I am not the best at giving this kind of advice but, never let hope die...and keep striving to have all your dreams come true.
September 15, 2009 12:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
Lis, my friend, you are going to be fine. Just FINE. Dance. Sing. And make note of things. Big hugs to you from the left coast.
September 15, 2009 12:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
Sorry about the situation. Been there. Yet wonderfully expressed. Thanks.
Breathe. All is well. Peace.
September 15, 2009 1:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
Lissy, try this song on for size...I played it late last night and you popped into my head.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XeGOddmMm3E
September 15, 2009 1:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
This is just excellent, excellent writing.
I'm so sorry you got fired. But if you have time in between resume polishing and such, keep writing, because you have a real talent for it.
And just think how happy your kitties will be to have you around for a little while to give them scratches between catnaps (yours or theirs).
September 15, 2009 3:42 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you so much, Dorn. Thank you, all of you. I'm feeling so much lighter already.
September 15, 2009 4:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
Lis - you can really write. That is a beautiful post.
September 15, 2009 4:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you. My god, it is so nice to see you. It's been ages.
September 15, 2009 5:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks.
I followed Greg over to thePlumLine and every time I take a minute off, I get an email from him wanting to know where I am - I can't get away! LOL
I'm so sorry about your job - I'm just sick for you. But I know it will be Ok. I know it will.
September 15, 2009 5:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
What a wonderful post you have here. Your feelings are out there for all to see and I admire that. LisB is a familiar person to me but I learn more about you each and every time I read your writings. Thank you for sharing so much of you with me. My heartfelt wishes for great happiness and wonderful things to happen in your future endeavors. Enjoy no alarm clock ringing - I know I have found it marvelous..........
September 15, 2009 4:36 PM | Reply | Permalink
LisB
Thanx for being brave enough to share.
Not being to handy with music links I sugest you try, I'm not down by the Clash, find it on the London Calling disc.
Not sure if you noticed but i did post a blog sunday dedicated to you-not sure if you would be apriciative or angry over it?
http://tpmcafe.talkingpointsmemo.com/talk/blogs/m_paul/2009/09/over-a-barrel.php
I hope that works.
M. Paul
September 15, 2009 5:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
It does. It did. Please see my comment there. And accept my big hug here.
September 15, 2009 5:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
Lisb. You have the power in you. What a great piece of work.
I've been going through it too, since Jan 13 not that I'm counting. We are not alone. Not that a thought like that is comforting. In fact just the opposite come to think of it. Every single time there's a job opening in my field there are hundred, hundred of other responders. Most not even qualified, just gumming up the works. Here I am with all this experience and the job goes to younger, cheaper people....
Ooops. Sorry. That was a rant for a different blog in a different forum. Really, I'm fine, happy as a lark. {ahem} Carrion.
September 15, 2009 5:44 PM | Reply | Permalink
Carrion, say you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vRgH0Tm_BNg
I adore Fiona Apple.
Hey, younger and cheaper is not what we want to be. Just remember that.
September 15, 2009 6:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
Backatcha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2F808F1nSlk
September 16, 2009 12:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
You write so beautifully Lis. Do keep up this narrative. And bring the pieces coming out of this writing group into the Café for us.
I've been where you are, Lis. A few times, in different contexts. Like they say, every ending is a new start, every crisis an opportunity. What a load of crap. But somehow true too...
xxx (-or whatever the subtle text version of blowing kisses is)
;0)
September 15, 2009 5:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
Well, it's pretty easy to figure out why they'd be firing YOUR ass, pugsley. But it's LisFuckingB we're talking here. Her boss gives new meaning to the word Loser.
But you? I'd only hire you just to fire your fat puggish ass -- which can't even reach the little FOOT STOOL by the way. Ha.
P.S. Got any jobs coming open over there in Switzerland, old friend? Not sure I can stand another Winter in this weather! ;-)
September 15, 2009 8:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
You just want the Eames chair, Quinn. Admit it. But you are too late. I'm second in line.
September 15, 2009 11:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
Low blow on the stool, my man, low blow. And yeah the puppy's got first dibs on the eames chair!
;0)
P.S. No job for you, per se, but we could use your brain for computer-modeling purposes - in our artificial insanity project. We'll cover shipping and handling...
September 16, 2009 6:23 AM | Reply | Permalink
PS, Lis - I've been right where you are before. I really mean it when I say I know it will be ok.
[hugs]
September 15, 2009 8:02 PM | Reply | Permalink
ya know.... I'm reading the Great Gatsby. Great writing. Complex, yet bears one along so that it's hard to stop reading and go to bed, like a good chicken.
When I saw this all bleary eyed before coffee this am, I was speechless, an odd situation for me, as you know.
Lis, as close as I feel to you, you never stop blowing me away. It's incredible. You have more than talent, my friend. You have a gift.
I'm so looking forward to MORE.
September 15, 2009 8:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, my friend.
September 16, 2009 3:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Uh, ok. You certainly have a future writing this sort of thing.
But before you pin any employment hopes on this, remember the words of Mark Twain who said, about writing as a career, you can make a fortune, but you can't make a living.
September 15, 2009 9:52 PM | Reply | Permalink
Triumph says...
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bM5QDFXYwzU/SjcFuMHh7jI/AAAAAAAABpQ/OMG16oHj4eY/S760/triumph.jpg
September 15, 2009 10:12 PM | Reply | Permalink
You are an amazing person, LisB. This is such a powerful piece of writing that I quite forgot to take a bite of my cheezeburger while reading it.
[ps. next time you're whirling to the music, do it next to a wall with a paint brush in hand. just sayin'. :-).]
September 15, 2009 11:18 PM | Reply | Permalink
I can haz paintbrush? Hmmmm....I'd rather have that cheezeburger.
September 16, 2009 3:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
I am really late to this party, but I just wanted to say what others have said. Powerful and meaningful writing. I am admittedly an emotional cat. I want to be touched and moved and inspired and challenged and angered and any other feeling that reminds me of being a human.
Thanks, LisB...this is why I love your blogs.
September 16, 2009 9:17 AM | Reply | Permalink