The Peon, Another Collaboration Between Dikkday and LisB
Chapter One: The Room
Olivia Peony. Well how much more can I tell you? She was supposedly from a place called Skunk Junction somewhere in northern Utah. Born September 14, 1982.
Her mother was Valerie Peony. The father was not listed on the birth certificate.
Olivia was actually 'raised' in Butte . On her sixteenth birthday she left Grant High School. And then...nothing until September of 2006 when she makes her first appearance at HCCC in Hollensburg, PA.
Olivia just kind of showed up out of nowhere. I mean nowhere.
I mean she was like 30 out of a class of 60 from the Holy Christ Community College and managed to get into Oral Roberts University on a scholarship. But for some reason Olivia left after her first semester.
She arrived at The Wrench on a Tuesday with her resume, Certificate of Completion from Holy Christ and a letter of reference from Oral Roberts.
Five feet 7 inches, two inches taller in those shoes. Beautiful legs in a mid sized dress.
Nice rack, thought Frank.
Frank promptly assigned her to the copy room.
Frank was an affable man. He was head of personnel as well as temporary vice president in charge of procurement. This encampment was so off the charts as far as The Wrench's main facility that once just four months ago, not one of the employees received a check.
The Wrench had forgotten that this god forsaken office even existed. Frank straightened out that snafu and for that he was praised by all his staff.
This new one is going to be trouble, Frank thought. Too good looking with little education and she is sent here from headquarters with specific instructions as to how she must be treated.
Ain't dippin this pen in that inkwell he thought.
Of course Frank always thought like that. He never would do anything like dippin. Never. Frank had his Flora for fifteen years now. The only woman to ever touch him in his happy place.
Frank did not like taking chances. Except for on-line poker, but that's another story.
Middlesex, PA was a nice town. About 40,000 good citizens resided here. It was centered where the two rivers met, along with four of Penn's most important freeways.
The copy room doubled as the coffee room. It was an absolute mess. Papers strewn all over the place. Reports that were supposed to log ALL copies made during the day were half completed. Oh, and the smell. Dried coffee or an unreasonable facsimile thereof on the floor and the tables and the machines. Ashes mixed into the mess. And the faint smell of cheap brandy.
Oh and the condom on that ugly black couch. Yuck..........
She immediately walked out of the room and straight for Bonny's desk. She smiled as Bonny looked up.
Come with me Molly.
Bonny had been at her job for just two months. She was nineteen and had a Certificate of Completion from some six month on-line facility. She would be Olivia's one and only assistant. Bonny had just been told of her new 'position' an hour before this meeting.
Olivia led her to 'The Room'.
Well, what we should do Molly is light a fire right there, pointing to a bunch of papers lying on the floor by the largest machine. But I wish to postpone that act until next week. Hahahahaha
That's Bonny, the underling replied.
Of course it is. Now you see that box over there? I want all paper, ALL PAPER put in THAT BOX.
Bonny began to do her chore immediately while Olivia sat down in the corner slot with her new computer and desk.
AND SO THE NEW ERA BEGAN AT THE RANCH, er....WRENCH.
Olivia had posted a Do Not Disturb sign on the door of The Room. Only Frank wandered in from time to time with stacks of papers. Bonny took the packs with instructions over to the various machines and worked on duplication while performing her other duties for the day.
Except for Frank, no one had access to the room.
Now this particular operation of The Wrench had no 'product' as such, except paper. Well paper-paper and computer pretend paper.
So there was much frustration throughout the rest of the office. You see The Room fulfilled many functions.
And she punched out and took the boxes of meaningless paper out to her car with the help of Molly...er...Bonny. Oh, and the coffee pot along with all the plastic thingies.
Olivia would not begin her second job at the local RNC until next week.
That night she went through every single piece of paper that she had procured from The Room. She prepared files on EVERYONE having any connection with a piece of paper. She threw away all but two extra duplicates for each document.
THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN Olivia thought as she turned off her night light at around 1:30 in the AM.
The morning of the second day was chaos. If the workers were angry about being kept out of The Room, this morning it was difficult to even get by the damn place. All machines, all furniture put out in the hall.
Walls were being painted, the window cleaned after the 'curtains' and such had been taken to the garbage by the crew. The workers complained that they could not only access the room to get that black stuff known as coffee, but they had to smell fresh paint all day. It was all Frank could do to keep people from going home mid-day complaining of headaches and dizzy spells. When the steam-cleaning van arrived and proceeded to clean the carpets with a horrendously loud steam cleaner, Frank thought he'd be pitch forked if he didn't close up shop early. And so he did. Close the office early, that is. The pitchforks would come later.
However, on the third day, Frank entered The Room only to find it miraculously changed. He had to leave The Room, close the door, and stand in the hallway for a few moments counting the doors to make sure he really was entering The right Room. This was a trick he'd learned at home with Flora and their six kids. You learned to count the doors before walking into one of the bedrooms upstairs. Frank got tired of bursting in on a daughter's slumber party with a new football or baseball in tow, intended for one of the boys, and poor Flora was brought to tears while bringing chicken soup to a sick child only to walk in on a teenager masturbating. You learn to count the doors.
Meanwhile, back at the Wrench, Frank stood in the doorway of The Room in awe. The place was spotlessly clean and organized. The white walls were covered in tasteful paintings, there were new curtains in the window, new plants in beautiful decorator pots scattered about. One of those new-fangled K-cup coffee machine sat on the counter, with boxes of flavored single-cup coffees neatly arranged next to it. And - ahhhh - an espresso machine! A small, sparklingly clean refrigerator was now tucked under the counter, containing flavored dairy creamers and countless mugs of Half and Half, Whole Milk, Lowfat Milk, and 1%. New ceramic mugs with the Wrench company logo were in the cupboard, along with small espresso cups and demitasse spoons, all emblazoned with the Wrench logo. In other cupboards sat reams of 8 ½ x 11 paper as well as 11 x 17 and Legal-Size. Some of the paper came with three hole punches already punched. Some of the paper came in soothing pastel shades. There were also reams of glossy paper suitable for color printing.
New bookshelves adorned one whole wall of The Room, where stacks of copies were neatly arranged in piles with post-it notes on them, stating the contents and the owner's name. 3-ring binders with neat labels contained yet more copies of paperwork.
Frank's jaw was still on his chest when Olivia Peony entered The Room. She wore a tasteful (yet form-fitting -- and oh, what a form!) dove gray suit and two-inch black stiletto heels.
Ms. Peony, I am amazed at the appearance of The Rack...er, The ROOM! It is as if a miracle has occurred here.
Olivia smiled and nodded her thanks.
I am so glad that you are pleased. I believe things will run a lot smoother now with these few simple changes I have put in place.
Smiling sweetly at the head of personnel and temporary VP of Procurement she added, I'll submit a small expense report for your approval later this morning. By the by, Frank, were you aware that Art in Accounting has been padding the accounts for the past two years?
And with this bombshell dropped, Olivia walked to the cupboard, retrieved a Wrench coffee mug, and prepared a cup of sweetly-aromatic hazelnut coffee.
Before Frank could murmur a stunned reply, or even think of a reply, young Bonny entered The Room.
Molly, you have done a wonderful job assisting me with The Room. Frank is very pleased, Olivia announced.
It's Bonny, replied the poor young assistant.
Yes, isn't it, though? I especially love the curtains.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Who can clean "The Room" up in one night?
Who can take an awful place, and suddenly make it all organized
Well it's you girl, and they should know it
With each document you steal and read they will know it
Secrets all around, and you will find them
You can hunt them down and then remind them
You're gonna blackmail everyone
You're gonna blackmail everyone
How will you take Wrench on your own?
This place is awfully big, with Molly around you're not alone
But it's time you started learning
It's time you let someone else do the burning
Secrets all around, and you will find them
You can hunt them down and then remind them
You're gonna blackmail everyone
You're gonna blackmail everyone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCL3B5LgUCo
(To be continued......)
Olivia Peony. Well how much more can I tell you? She was supposedly from a place called Skunk Junction somewhere in northern Utah. Born September 14, 1982.
Her mother was Valerie Peony. The father was not listed on the birth certificate.
Olivia was actually 'raised' in Butte . On her sixteenth birthday she left Grant High School. And then...nothing until September of 2006 when she makes her first appearance at HCCC in Hollensburg, PA.
Olivia just kind of showed up out of nowhere. I mean nowhere.
I mean she was like 30 out of a class of 60 from the Holy Christ Community College and managed to get into Oral Roberts University on a scholarship. But for some reason Olivia left after her first semester.
She arrived at The Wrench on a Tuesday with her resume, Certificate of Completion from Holy Christ and a letter of reference from Oral Roberts.
Five feet 7 inches, two inches taller in those shoes. Beautiful legs in a mid sized dress.
Nice rack, thought Frank.
Frank promptly assigned her to the copy room.
Frank was an affable man. He was head of personnel as well as temporary vice president in charge of procurement. This encampment was so off the charts as far as The Wrench's main facility that once just four months ago, not one of the employees received a check.
The Wrench had forgotten that this god forsaken office even existed. Frank straightened out that snafu and for that he was praised by all his staff.
This new one is going to be trouble, Frank thought. Too good looking with little education and she is sent here from headquarters with specific instructions as to how she must be treated.
Ain't dippin this pen in that inkwell he thought.
Of course Frank always thought like that. He never would do anything like dippin. Never. Frank had his Flora for fifteen years now. The only woman to ever touch him in his happy place.
Frank did not like taking chances. Except for on-line poker, but that's another story.
Middlesex, PA was a nice town. About 40,000 good citizens resided here. It was centered where the two rivers met, along with four of Penn's most important freeways.
The copy room doubled as the coffee room. It was an absolute mess. Papers strewn all over the place. Reports that were supposed to log ALL copies made during the day were half completed. Oh, and the smell. Dried coffee or an unreasonable facsimile thereof on the floor and the tables and the machines. Ashes mixed into the mess. And the faint smell of cheap brandy.
Oh and the condom on that ugly black couch. Yuck..........
She immediately walked out of the room and straight for Bonny's desk. She smiled as Bonny looked up.
Come with me Molly.
Bonny had been at her job for just two months. She was nineteen and had a Certificate of Completion from some six month on-line facility. She would be Olivia's one and only assistant. Bonny had just been told of her new 'position' an hour before this meeting.
Olivia led her to 'The Room'.
Well, what we should do Molly is light a fire right there, pointing to a bunch of papers lying on the floor by the largest machine. But I wish to postpone that act until next week. Hahahahaha
That's Bonny, the underling replied.
Of course it is. Now you see that box over there? I want all paper, ALL PAPER put in THAT BOX.
Bonny began to do her chore immediately while Olivia sat down in the corner slot with her new computer and desk.
AND SO THE NEW ERA BEGAN AT THE RANCH, er....WRENCH.
Olivia had posted a Do Not Disturb sign on the door of The Room. Only Frank wandered in from time to time with stacks of papers. Bonny took the packs with instructions over to the various machines and worked on duplication while performing her other duties for the day.
Except for Frank, no one had access to the room.
Now this particular operation of The Wrench had no 'product' as such, except paper. Well paper-paper and computer pretend paper.
So there was much frustration throughout the rest of the office. You see The Room fulfilled many functions.
A lounge where you could hide-out and pretend you were doing something.
A source of coffee...well I mean it was a black substance with plastic cups that were held in those plastic thingies and you could stir in that awful dry creamer and sugar with a plastic stirrer thing.
A place to smoke. Now this was tricky. You had to hide behind this plant and blow the smoke up one of the air shafts located in the corner. Only three of the staff smoked tobacco, and somebody was smoking something else.
A place to copy meaningless documents, attaching the product to other meaningless documents...and so on.
Late on Saturdays you might run into Sam and Big Bertha playing 'games' with their bodies but that really is another story.So that was the first day. And Olivia saw it and said: This is good.
And she punched out and took the boxes of meaningless paper out to her car with the help of Molly...er...Bonny. Oh, and the coffee pot along with all the plastic thingies.
Olivia would not begin her second job at the local RNC until next week.
That night she went through every single piece of paper that she had procured from The Room. She prepared files on EVERYONE having any connection with a piece of paper. She threw away all but two extra duplicates for each document.
THIS IS GOING TO BE FUN Olivia thought as she turned off her night light at around 1:30 in the AM.
The morning of the second day was chaos. If the workers were angry about being kept out of The Room, this morning it was difficult to even get by the damn place. All machines, all furniture put out in the hall.
Walls were being painted, the window cleaned after the 'curtains' and such had been taken to the garbage by the crew. The workers complained that they could not only access the room to get that black stuff known as coffee, but they had to smell fresh paint all day. It was all Frank could do to keep people from going home mid-day complaining of headaches and dizzy spells. When the steam-cleaning van arrived and proceeded to clean the carpets with a horrendously loud steam cleaner, Frank thought he'd be pitch forked if he didn't close up shop early. And so he did. Close the office early, that is. The pitchforks would come later.
However, on the third day, Frank entered The Room only to find it miraculously changed. He had to leave The Room, close the door, and stand in the hallway for a few moments counting the doors to make sure he really was entering The right Room. This was a trick he'd learned at home with Flora and their six kids. You learned to count the doors before walking into one of the bedrooms upstairs. Frank got tired of bursting in on a daughter's slumber party with a new football or baseball in tow, intended for one of the boys, and poor Flora was brought to tears while bringing chicken soup to a sick child only to walk in on a teenager masturbating. You learn to count the doors.
Meanwhile, back at the Wrench, Frank stood in the doorway of The Room in awe. The place was spotlessly clean and organized. The white walls were covered in tasteful paintings, there were new curtains in the window, new plants in beautiful decorator pots scattered about. One of those new-fangled K-cup coffee machine sat on the counter, with boxes of flavored single-cup coffees neatly arranged next to it. And - ahhhh - an espresso machine! A small, sparklingly clean refrigerator was now tucked under the counter, containing flavored dairy creamers and countless mugs of Half and Half, Whole Milk, Lowfat Milk, and 1%. New ceramic mugs with the Wrench company logo were in the cupboard, along with small espresso cups and demitasse spoons, all emblazoned with the Wrench logo. In other cupboards sat reams of 8 ½ x 11 paper as well as 11 x 17 and Legal-Size. Some of the paper came with three hole punches already punched. Some of the paper came in soothing pastel shades. There were also reams of glossy paper suitable for color printing.
New bookshelves adorned one whole wall of The Room, where stacks of copies were neatly arranged in piles with post-it notes on them, stating the contents and the owner's name. 3-ring binders with neat labels contained yet more copies of paperwork.
Frank's jaw was still on his chest when Olivia Peony entered The Room. She wore a tasteful (yet form-fitting -- and oh, what a form!) dove gray suit and two-inch black stiletto heels.
Ms. Peony, I am amazed at the appearance of The Rack...er, The ROOM! It is as if a miracle has occurred here.
Olivia smiled and nodded her thanks.
I am so glad that you are pleased. I believe things will run a lot smoother now with these few simple changes I have put in place.
Smiling sweetly at the head of personnel and temporary VP of Procurement she added, I'll submit a small expense report for your approval later this morning. By the by, Frank, were you aware that Art in Accounting has been padding the accounts for the past two years?
And with this bombshell dropped, Olivia walked to the cupboard, retrieved a Wrench coffee mug, and prepared a cup of sweetly-aromatic hazelnut coffee.
Before Frank could murmur a stunned reply, or even think of a reply, young Bonny entered The Room.
Molly, you have done a wonderful job assisting me with The Room. Frank is very pleased, Olivia announced.
It's Bonny, replied the poor young assistant.
Yes, isn't it, though? I especially love the curtains.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Who can clean "The Room" up in one night?
Who can take an awful place, and suddenly make it all organized
Well it's you girl, and they should know it
With each document you steal and read they will know it
Secrets all around, and you will find them
You can hunt them down and then remind them
You're gonna blackmail everyone
You're gonna blackmail everyone
How will you take Wrench on your own?
This place is awfully big, with Molly around you're not alone
But it's time you started learning
It's time you let someone else do the burning
Secrets all around, and you will find them
You can hunt them down and then remind them
You're gonna blackmail everyone
You're gonna blackmail everyone
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCL3B5LgUCo
(To be continued......)
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Nice Rack.
July 8, 2009 9:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm auditioning for Frank ...
July 8, 2009 9:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hahahahahahahaha!
July 8, 2009 9:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCL3B5LgUCo
This is great. Ha
July 8, 2009 9:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
toooooooo funneeeee!
July 8, 2009 9:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
What a hoot - poor Molly - oops - I mean Bonny!
Keep these coming off the press - a wild read!!
July 8, 2009 10:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
It's gonna get wilder. Wait for the RNC Prayer Meeting....
July 8, 2009 10:25 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh NO!!!
:))))))))))))
July 9, 2009 3:57 AM | Reply | Permalink
I'm not surprised that Frank, the man who thought, upon meeting Olivia, "Nice rack", was the head of "procurement". Wherever are you two taking us this time? LOL.
July 8, 2009 10:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
We're not even sure yet, Miguel. It's just gonna develop as it develops.
But we're working on chapter two tomorrow or Friday. So stay tuned....
July 8, 2009 10:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
Verrrrry nice...
July 8, 2009 10:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks. Put two weird heads together, and you get a weird story. Works for me!
=D
July 8, 2009 11:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
O.T. {heart} the Peon!
Love that catchy theme song!
July 9, 2009 4:09 AM | Reply | Permalink
See OT, THAT WAS MY IDEA!!!
Of course LisB WROTE IT. HA!!
July 9, 2009 9:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
I also felt deeply for all involved when you authors reviewed the catharsis that resulted from not counting the doors earlier on, and the important less that taught the character.
Also, I appreciate writing that is not enslaved by traditional literary convention. To wit,
"THE NEW ERA BEGAN AT THE RANCH, er....WRENCH."
July 9, 2009 1:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
Enquiring minds just want to know --
on the seventh day, is Olivia going to rest, her work complete?
where did the money come from to pay upfront for the paint (and paintings), the carpet cleaning, the espresso machine et al that are about to be submitted as expenses?
Already hooked; next installment please
July 9, 2009 7:04 AM | Reply | Permalink
Yes Genesis is supposed to be there. hahahaha
Oh I could have spent more time on instructions and such.
You ever been somewhere and somebody just comes in, takes over...
I thought of Patton in Northern Africa...
All of life is simply making or at least perceiving order out of chaos.
July 10, 2009 1:10 AM | Reply | Permalink
what a bonny story, guys. Looking forward to the rest!!
July 9, 2009 8:31 AM | Reply | Permalink
molly, DAMN. hahahaha
July 9, 2009 9:59 AM | Reply | Permalink
Ok. I'm hooked! :-)
Well done!!!
July 9, 2009 9:39 AM | Reply | Permalink
Oh Goooooooooooood. TheraP, that warms my heart ten minutes after wake-up. ha!!
I will be checking you out within the hour.
July 9, 2009 9:50 AM | Reply | Permalink
Check this out too dd:
http://pieces4nothing.blogspot.com/
Thanks for all your enthusiasm! And I love the joint writing you're doing! :-)
July 9, 2009 5:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
Count me in the "hooked" category! I expected this kind of "whackedness" from Arthur, but you surprise me, lissy! Good job!
July 9, 2009 10:04 AM | Reply | Permalink
LisB is more than goooooooood. Ha. We are playing this like a relay race Stilli.
You kind of paint the other author in a corner and watch her try to get out of it, and vice versa.
Oh Stilli, I fell in love with a song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ksiFrib7vh0&feature=related
For you!!!!!
July 9, 2009 12:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you, Arthur! Very nice...
July 10, 2009 1:30 AM | Reply | Permalink
I have to tell you, this is really, really weird. Not bad-weird, just weird.
July 9, 2009 10:21 AM | Reply | Permalink
Brant. We all have standards that we must live up to.
Weird is the top rung and I am constantly struggling to get there. ha
July 9, 2009 12:39 PM | Reply | Permalink
Good for you, dd! :)
July 9, 2009 5:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
For some reason I envision Olivia to be like What's her name's character in that movie? You know the one.
July 9, 2009 10:46 AM | Reply | Permalink
Oh yeah, HER. Yeah, I know exactly who ya mean. Yup.
July 9, 2009 10:58 AM | Reply | Permalink
Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction?
July 9, 2009 2:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
No, not her Lis the blond one. In the movie with that guy who was in the movie "The Producers". Ferris Buehler. He was a school teacher and she ran for student council president. Um, I suck at remembering actors' names and titles of movies. Can we talk about something else?
July 9, 2009 2:53 PM | Reply | Permalink
Helen Hunt?
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0455805/
July 9, 2009 3:30 PM | Reply | Permalink
No I got it, Reese Witherspoon as the vicious little spright in Election.
July 9, 2009 3:51 PM | Reply | Permalink
Demi Moore in what's-that-movie with Michael Douglas? Seashell, we appear to have him in mind for both possibilities .. ;)
July 9, 2009 2:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Disclosure?
Michael Douglas as a Seattle computer executive accused by new boss and former girlfriend Demi Moore of sexual harassment. With his marriage and career threatened, Douglas calls on high-tech help to clear him of the false charges.
July 9, 2009 3:35 PM | Reply | Permalink
That's it! Thank you, seashell.
July 9, 2009 3:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
It's fascinating to read two very distinct writing styles merged together. You're both obviously there - yet you've almost managed to create another, anoynomous blogger.
Have you considered giving your collaboration its own "name", Dr.'s Frankenstein? ;)
Fabulous, guys. Really.
July 9, 2009 1:41 PM | Reply | Permalink
Hey Missy. Thank you for the positive reinforcement. ha!!!
July 9, 2009 3:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
AND SO THE NEW ERA BEGAN AT THE RANCH, er....WRENCH.
fi, fi, fo, fum, I smell Texas coming on.
Good plot and characters. Waiting for Godot or ... something like the next installment or ... something.
And also fun.
July 9, 2009 2:15 PM | Reply | Permalink
It is fun Seashell. ha
July 9, 2009 3:16 PM | Reply | Permalink
You know me DD. The cynic. I'm intrigued. With only hints at what this is about I'll have to read chapter 2. You guys are mean. This feels like 1955 and waiting for the next Superman comic or Tom Swift sci-fi installment. Anybody else here remember the Tom Swift books?
July 9, 2009 5:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
The tale of the Wench at the Wrench. E-aginative, Lis and DD. Waiting for episode 2.
July 9, 2009 6:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
LOL, Fala, great name for it! Thanks so much for the praise. I'm awaiting some input from Dick and then we'll see where it goes next, hahahahaha.
July 9, 2009 6:35 PM | Reply | Permalink