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Caught Up In The Rapture

Olivia tapped her foot impatiently on the church front step.

Really, if he's gonna meet me here, he could at least be on time, she thought to herself.

She looked down and noticed she was tapping on a crack.

There goes Mama's back, she muttered aloud and laughed.

Maybe if she's lucky we'll get single payer this year. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Just then, out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Bill sheepishly peeking around the corner of the street. She gave a little wave. He visibly gulped. She hid a smile and beckoned him to come further.

Bill put a pair of sunglasses on and pulled a newspaper out from under the crook of his arm and pretended to read it as he walked towards the church. As he neared Olivia at the stairs he whispered through clenched teeth, I don't want anyone to recognize me. Go in alone, and I'll sit behind you.

Olivia laughed and then turned away and walked into the church doors.

Sure enough, within minutes she could hear Bill panting heavily as he sweatily seated himself behind her.

And then the sermon began....

Hitler and Obama......where shall I begin? Well, Obama is not Hitler, we all know that by now. Okay, well, his SUPPORTERS know that....but the rest of the country still has doubts......and I say that's okay. Because any President with all the people in the nation behind him minus a few who can't do what Hitler accomplished after a few months ain't no President of mine! Can I get an aye men?

At this point all the men in the church stood and shouted,  Aye!

Olivia muttered, Men....

But of course, no one heard her.

Now, we all know that you must be born in a manger to be heralded the savior, but where in hell was Obama born?? Anybody??????

No one spoke.  No one spake, even.

And there you have it, ladies and good gentlemen of the Church! Obama was never born, therefore he can't be President. Can I get an A, men?

All the men in the church stood and shouted "A" while making awkward hand gestures that looked as though they were trying to spell the word "A" with their arms, only they had forgotten to take the Village People Course in Spelling, so that they all looked as though they were raising their hands towards the ceiling like interior decorators measuring drapes, only not holding measuring tapes. 

God loves our country and we cannot see it torn down any longer by the Wrong People who lurk in our mist! cried the Pastor.

Aye, mist!!! yelled all the men in the church.

Oy...it's midst, you asshats, muttered Olivia under her breath, smiling to herself.

Just then she felt a tap on her shoulder.

Olivia tuned out the pastor's ramblings and turned her head to the left in order to hear Bill's frantic whisper from behind.

I'm not sure my wife would approve of me being here. But I've just found Jesus. You said on the phone last night that you could help me find him even further here. So far, I'm not seeing Him.  Am I missing something?

How 'bout half your brain, Bill? Hahahaha. Instead, Olivia said, Once the choir starts to sing and we all feel caught up in the rapture, you might feel differently. Now, pay attention to the Pastor.

And so while Bill listened intently to the Pastor, growing more and more confused at each word, Olivia spent the rest of the hour planning her week ahead.

And finally the choir started to sing:

Our Church, its bigger

It's bigger than left wing nuts who hate you and me
The lengths that they will go to
The tactics they will try
Oh no, they've said too much
They set us up

That's us on the fringes
That's them in the spotlight
Cursin' my religion
Trying to keep God from you
And I don't know if they can do it
Oh no, they've said too much

We haven't said enough
We can hear them laughing
But if they could just hear us sing
I think, they would hear our truth

Every whisper
As of this important hour we're makin' our confessions
God's gonna keep an eye on thou
They are like a blinded fool
Oh no, they've said too much
They set us up

Consider this
Consider this a world eons older

Consider this
A science that brings us up our knees to our true God
What if all the bible truths
Come flailing around

Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard them laughing
I hope that they hear us sing
I think, I thought, we can just try

Now I've said too much
I thought that I heard them laughing
I thought that we could be heard singing
I think, I thought, we could just try

That was just a dream
That was just a dream

That's them in the corner
That's them in the spotlight
Attackin' my religion
Trying to keep us secular
And I don't know if they can do it
Oh no, they've said too much

We've all just had enough
Enough of all their laughing
Now they can hear us sing
I think hell will make them fry

This ain't just a dream
Pray, pray, pray, pray
This is just our dream

Just our dream

With that the services were over.  All were jubilant.  The rapture would come and the secularists would all be burned and the Community would be graced by the sight of Our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ.  (The Community blesses itself lost in their own rapture).

What if all this crap were all TRUE? thought Olivia.  Hahahahahaha.  She could not help laughing to herself.

This is the key to movin' on up to the big time. A big smile came over her face.

She had forgotten about Bill.  The guy is so weird.  But he can help my cause.  After all, my cause is all that counts in the end.

Bill was lurking in the background.  He approached Olivia with a feeling of exhilaration.

Hi Olivia.  I do not mean to bother you.  Do you have a second?

Olivia turned. Oh no, another one with The Rapture all over his stupid face, she thought.

Why Bill, I did not see you there.

Oh I hate to be a bother but something happened to me.  I mean real stuff happened to me. This is the first time I have been to this church.  Or any church for that matter in a long long time.  I feel as if I have been reborn.

I knew it. I could see it. But how to make the best of this, Olivia thought.

Well Bill I will see you on the morrow and I am thinking of beginning a prayer group just before the morning bell. Would you care to join us?

Oh I would like that very much, Bill said, his spirits rising as well as other things.

And Olivia went home, pouring herself a stiff one and finding herself in her favorite soft and cushy chair.

And as she rested on the seventh day, Olivia thought, THIS IS GOOOOOOOD!!!

Any TPM'ers who plan to meet up with Gumbun, Ripper McCord and Jason Everett Miller for the Rally in DC today, please take note:

 

They are meeting up at 12:45 PM EST at the corner of Delaware and Constitution Streets, on the park side. 

 

Just got off the phone with Ripper, one of our TPM "reps" currently staying in Washington DC to attend tomorrow's Single Payer Health Care Rally. 

Ripper's doing great.  He had quite a busy day.  He met with a legislative aide from Missouri and got a lot of support on the Single Payer issue.  This aide suggests that we "find the soft spots (i.e., Blue Dogs) and PRESS them".  So Ripper's advice to those of you in Blue Dog states is to start up the FAX-APOLOOSA tonight and keep it going even after tomorrow's Rally ends. 

Ripper also met with the legislative aide to Kit Bonds (R-Missouri) but of course Kit is a conservative and so that meeting didn't go quite as well.  The aide seemed uninformed of Kit's feelings about Single Payer, but he at least was cordial.  After the meetings, Ripper had time to do some sightseeing and picture-taking at the Roosevelt and Jefferson Memorials, as well as the Wall. 

Our own Jason E Miller got to meet up with Ripper today and Gumbun should be arriving at the hotel shortly.  Her plane had some mechanical issues so her flight was diverted but she should be landing in DC shortly.    Tomorrow, they'll hook up at 12:30 PM EST outside the Russell Office Building and from there will go to the Rally.  If anyone here at TPM plans to attend the Rally but you don't have Jason's cell phone number, please contact Synch at synchronicity@yeswecan dot com. 

And PLEASE start faxing your reps tonight at 10 PM and continue to do so throughout the day tomorrow in support of the Single Payer Rally.  Be sure to cc: the White House and fax them a copy of each Rep letter you send out. 

Let's put Single Payer BACK ON THE TABLE!!!