Poignant blog, LisB. And to my mind a perfect example of why there should be an integrated national health system, with maybe even clinics in schools. You admit you began to rebel because of a "situation at home". Yours is the story of how rebellion can be a sign of depression, a sign of a kid crying out for help. You were expressing what we call a "negative identity" - you felt bad inside and expressed that on the outside by rebelling and hanging around with other kids who felt "bad". This makes me so sad. I wish I had known you then. You needed therapy. Even if you would have hated going. You needed to talk. You needed someone to understand you were hurting.

You've done well, my dear. And writing about these things is doing you well in addition. My heart is breaking for how you must have felt as a teenager. You were smart. But all teenagers feel so self-conscious. And no one noticed how much you were hurting. You tried to show them - in your own way.

I just wish I could give your 14 year-old self a hug. But I suggest you do that for me. Just imagine yourself - now - at your present age, with all the wisdom you've acquired. And imagine having a talk with your teenage self. Where you reassure yourself that things are gonna turn out all right. That you'll turn out all right. That you understand what your teenage self is going through. That you forgive that. Reassure yourself. Give yourself compassion.

And I hope you forgive me for a little free therapy - because I love you.

It's not too late to go to college. My guy cousin dropped out, got a girl pregnant, married too young - but recently got his college degree in his 50's long after he became a grandfather. He's teaching elementary school. I admire him far more than his more "successful" brothers.

We have a lot in common here, LisB.

I was thrown out of Catholic High School in Sophomore year and then attended an "alternative" school. Barely graduated from there, although I was capable of high honors and was actually interested in intellectual matters. I was in fact rather precocious, you might say, throughout my school years. It's just that I wasn't interested in performing for what I viewed were the ringmasters in my life.

Became a father and married at 18, and never really looked back. Advanced schooling really became impossible to justify and I followed other paths toward personal satisfaction and enlightenment.

Now crowding "old age," I'd have to say I have few real regrets. Any change in my past would have robbed me of what I now find to be so valuable, most particularly the son and daughters and grandkids that make this a great place to be.

The schooling and conforming and being responsible, etc., are all real important values to be instilled in kids - particularly at 14. But it is perhaps most important to encourage the growth of character within the youth, regardless of how that might be expressed. Intellectual accomplishment and schooling may well be a nice ornament for the tree. But it is the character of the individual that serves as the roots that will allow the tree to thrive and stand tall.

Enough "philosophisizing" fer now. I gotta get back to work, and I am pleased to find great satisfaction in doing so.

Wonderful post, LisB. Thanks for writing it.

Nice blog LisB, I also wonder what would have happened if I had stayed in school, I would have been in the crowed you started hanging out with in high school, but I was also a straight A student until then. quit school and joined the marine corp.when I turned 17. I turned out alright but could have been better.

Ah Lis,

The road less traveled and all that....

We are the sum of our history and you have definitely learned your lessons well. The important ones anyway.

You're smart, witty and well, I'm sure your heart has at least a Masters if not Doctorate degree in all the really important subjects.

I wish your post could be published and in fact with your permission would like to print off and post at our school.

Thanks so much for this.

My daughter was almost your opposite (except for the acne and braces; in a rare philosophical moment, she referred to them as "concurrent sentences"). A natural artist, she barely made it through elementary, junior and senior high schools. She was one of the Freak leaders, dying her hair red and black (the school colors). Oddly enough, she had many Geek friends as well.

Her last semester was the turning point. Her Counselor, who recognized her talent, gently read her the riot act about her future if she didn't get her oars on both sides of the boat.

She moved to Seattle and got a degree in commercial photography, and made the honor roll. Then she moved back to northern California and enrolled in the local JC to get an AA in art, graduating cum laude. She enrolled in Humboldt State where she again graduated cum laude.

She's now a bohemian artist and ceramist, living in the redwoods with her dog and three cats, remodeling her 70 year old house and eking out a living. She has no money, but many friends.

And no ulcers.

And she is to be applauded, Erichayes, with a standing ovation. Brava. And to you, for being a parent who could support her as an individual. Applause for you.

After reading all the stories here, I just realized I'm hanging around the kind of people my Dad told me to stay away from.

;o)

My notebook had :

I LOVE ELVIS

on the front. On the back it had:

I HATE PAT BOONE!

That pretty much says it all.