Ms. Lis on Dating
After Stillidealistic's semi-recent post about online dating, I decided to try it on. Hoping, of course, that one size doesn't fit all.
So I joined eHarmony three weeks ago.
As some background information, for those of you who don't know me, I broke up with a live-in boyfriend a year ago and I've been enjoying living alone ever since. But, as I admitted to Stilli one night while chatting, I've been sort of missing that nice pleasant feeling that comes with walking hand-in-hand down the street with a guy who's taking me to see a show, or out to dinner, or (insert pretty music, here) along the beach...
So Stilli talked me into trying eHarmony for a month.
Well, I'm sure she would've liked it better if I'd joined for a year, but they want your money all up front. So I went for the more expensive one-month option.
I spent over an hour answering all the questions in their website questionnaire, then created my "profile page" and uploaded my good ole orange avatar that you all get to see day after day, and then I logged out and hoped for the best.
Within days I'd seen every Tom, Dick, and Harry in my home state, plus a guy from Canada, a guy from Virginia, and at least 10 guys from Pennsylvania pop up as potential matches in my home page. It was Canada and Virginia that made me narrow down my search.
After two weeks of studying my matches and trying to use the canned "questions/answers" system to contact those I felt a little interested in, I was approached by a guy who lives only two towns away and he suggested I use "Fast Track", where you get to private message the person outside the suggested (canned) Q&A slow track system. I was all for that, so we started messaging. He seemed nice, he was in his early 50's, owned a company, and was 6'1". For me, being 5 foot nine and a half, height is important. Well after messaging back and forth, all free-style, he eventually called me and we seemed to hit it off over the phone well enough, so we talked one more time and then met up for a date.
This guy was kind enough to meet me at a local bar/restaurant around the corner from my house, but decided early on that it didn't have the right ambiance so he asked me if he could take me 10 minutes away to HIS local bar. Other than the fact that he wore too much cologne, I could sense nothing wrong with the man, so I agreed. We then had one of the most fun evenings I've had in a long time. His local pub was Irish, the crowd was really cool, they allowed smoking (somehow, I don't really know how, but they did) and after we'd been there for an hour a band walked in and proceeded to play Irish jigs on pipes, drum, fiddle and guitar. My date won two games of pool and we both had a great time and I thought to myself: This is awesome.
We finally had to say goodnight and that's where it gets a little odd because he decided he was not able to drive me home and he invited me to stay at his place. I, of course, said no, and told him I'd be happy to call for a cab and I was willing and able to pay for it. He refused to let me pay for it and gave me cash and a long passionate kiss when the cabbie showed up.
My date also said he wanted to have me over for dinner the next night, at his place -- he'd cook, which is a huge plus, since I don't really cook very well -- and off I went into my carriage, er, pumpkin, er cab, feeling rather happy and pleased.
The next night rolls around and.....no phone call. Nada. Nothing. No email, no phone call, no nothing. So, I go to bed disappointed and slightly worried and slightly wondering if maybe this guy is a flake.
The next day, which happened to be Valentine's Day, I get a phone call at dinnertime, and it's HIM, and he says he's sorry for not calling the night before but he had to work late to keep an important account of his. I forgave him instantly, of course, and when he asked me if I wanted to meet up in about 2 or 3 hours for another date, I readily agreed. He said he'd call me back between 8 and 9 to firm up our plans but he really needed to eat dinner first. I said fine, I would look forward to his call.
Well, three and a half hours later, I was still left hanging high and dry. Four hours later, and I was no longer willing to give this man the time of day. A week later, after our first -- and only -- date, I still haven't heard a word from him and I want nothing to do with the bastid.
So much for that.
But then, I start looking back on that entire evening a week ago, and I realize that I made a lot of concessions and diplomatically overlooked a lot of his shortcomings, and I say to myself....."Self? He was a right asshat, altogether, now, wasn't he?" And my self agrees. And I say to myself...."Self? You should not be making concessions for right asshats like that right from the git-go, now should ye be?" And my self agrees.
It's nice to be nice, don't get me wrong....but when it comes to dating and meeting a potential life partner, one really has to be careful and not get carried away with the desire to be "wanted" or "loved". One should always keep one's head.
Which is why, when I meet my new match on Sunday, I'm going to keep my head about me, and stay smart and discerning.
I just thought I'd share that with you all.
Oh, and did I mention this new guy is funny as hell, handsome, and six foot three??
So I joined eHarmony three weeks ago.
As some background information, for those of you who don't know me, I broke up with a live-in boyfriend a year ago and I've been enjoying living alone ever since. But, as I admitted to Stilli one night while chatting, I've been sort of missing that nice pleasant feeling that comes with walking hand-in-hand down the street with a guy who's taking me to see a show, or out to dinner, or (insert pretty music, here) along the beach...
So Stilli talked me into trying eHarmony for a month.
Well, I'm sure she would've liked it better if I'd joined for a year, but they want your money all up front. So I went for the more expensive one-month option.
I spent over an hour answering all the questions in their website questionnaire, then created my "profile page" and uploaded my good ole orange avatar that you all get to see day after day, and then I logged out and hoped for the best.
Within days I'd seen every Tom, Dick, and Harry in my home state, plus a guy from Canada, a guy from Virginia, and at least 10 guys from Pennsylvania pop up as potential matches in my home page. It was Canada and Virginia that made me narrow down my search.
After two weeks of studying my matches and trying to use the canned "questions/answers" system to contact those I felt a little interested in, I was approached by a guy who lives only two towns away and he suggested I use "Fast Track", where you get to private message the person outside the suggested (canned) Q&A slow track system. I was all for that, so we started messaging. He seemed nice, he was in his early 50's, owned a company, and was 6'1". For me, being 5 foot nine and a half, height is important. Well after messaging back and forth, all free-style, he eventually called me and we seemed to hit it off over the phone well enough, so we talked one more time and then met up for a date.
This guy was kind enough to meet me at a local bar/restaurant around the corner from my house, but decided early on that it didn't have the right ambiance so he asked me if he could take me 10 minutes away to HIS local bar. Other than the fact that he wore too much cologne, I could sense nothing wrong with the man, so I agreed. We then had one of the most fun evenings I've had in a long time. His local pub was Irish, the crowd was really cool, they allowed smoking (somehow, I don't really know how, but they did) and after we'd been there for an hour a band walked in and proceeded to play Irish jigs on pipes, drum, fiddle and guitar. My date won two games of pool and we both had a great time and I thought to myself: This is awesome.
We finally had to say goodnight and that's where it gets a little odd because he decided he was not able to drive me home and he invited me to stay at his place. I, of course, said no, and told him I'd be happy to call for a cab and I was willing and able to pay for it. He refused to let me pay for it and gave me cash and a long passionate kiss when the cabbie showed up.
My date also said he wanted to have me over for dinner the next night, at his place -- he'd cook, which is a huge plus, since I don't really cook very well -- and off I went into my carriage, er, pumpkin, er cab, feeling rather happy and pleased.
The next night rolls around and.....no phone call. Nada. Nothing. No email, no phone call, no nothing. So, I go to bed disappointed and slightly worried and slightly wondering if maybe this guy is a flake.
The next day, which happened to be Valentine's Day, I get a phone call at dinnertime, and it's HIM, and he says he's sorry for not calling the night before but he had to work late to keep an important account of his. I forgave him instantly, of course, and when he asked me if I wanted to meet up in about 2 or 3 hours for another date, I readily agreed. He said he'd call me back between 8 and 9 to firm up our plans but he really needed to eat dinner first. I said fine, I would look forward to his call.
Well, three and a half hours later, I was still left hanging high and dry. Four hours later, and I was no longer willing to give this man the time of day. A week later, after our first -- and only -- date, I still haven't heard a word from him and I want nothing to do with the bastid.
So much for that.
But then, I start looking back on that entire evening a week ago, and I realize that I made a lot of concessions and diplomatically overlooked a lot of his shortcomings, and I say to myself....."Self? He was a right asshat, altogether, now, wasn't he?" And my self agrees. And I say to myself...."Self? You should not be making concessions for right asshats like that right from the git-go, now should ye be?" And my self agrees.
It's nice to be nice, don't get me wrong....but when it comes to dating and meeting a potential life partner, one really has to be careful and not get carried away with the desire to be "wanted" or "loved". One should always keep one's head.
Which is why, when I meet my new match on Sunday, I'm going to keep my head about me, and stay smart and discerning.
I just thought I'd share that with you all.
Oh, and did I mention this new guy is funny as hell, handsome, and six foot three??
