Listen...

I've got plenty of stuff.

I've got big stuff and little stuff,

stuff to set stuff on and stuff to keep stuff in.

There's wooly stuff and fluffy stuff,

cool stuff and dull stuff,

sparkly stuff,

and even some stuffed stuff.

There's smart stuff... which can do some real neat stuff... if you talk to it nice. Aaaand there's dumb stuff - it doesn't do much of anything except sit there and act like stuff (which is what most stuff does anyway, most of the time, when you're not there).

Then there's the low-to-the-ground stuff and the high-up-off-the-ground stuff. The high-up stuff I can never really get to. So I just leave it alone. It's less stuff to worry about.

Sometimes people will come around and look at the stuff. It gives them something to do, I guess, while I'm busy with other stuff. Sometimes people will say, "Hey, where'd you get this stuff?" or "You know, you could use some more stuff." I used to think so too. I used to think how happy I'd be if only I had some more stuff.

And have you ever noticed how you can never go anyplace for very long? Because, well, what are you gonna do about the stuff? Right? You can't just leave the stuff alone. And if you asked somebody to watch the stuff for you, they could for awhile, but you gotta understand: so now who's watching their stuff? It's a vicious cycle.

Then one day I was waiting at a bus stop watching all the people running around trying to figure out how to get stuff. Some people were trading stuff they didn't want for stuff they did want. Others were just plain giving stuff away. Then there were the ones shoving other people out of the way so as to get at the best stuff first.

And then, too, there were always a few who mostly just wanted somebody else's stuff. I guess that's how wars get started.

I got to thinking, Geez ... what's all this stuff about anyway?

Well, it's like when you open up stuff and look inside.  There's stuff inside most any kind of stuff. People are like that too. You look inside them and WOW! There's stuff in there! GREAT stuff! If you ever felt like paying attention to that stuff, you'd notice it peeking out at you from behind somebody's eyes. Now there's the real stuff.

So to get the really good stuff, you could set aside all the other stuff, and make some friends, I guess, just by letting people look at your stuff. They'd probably even let you look at theirs. And that just makes me think - you can never really have enough of the right stuff.

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Now, I realize that I may be setting myself up here... putting my "stuff" out there in public and all that (I can literally smell the temptation to dive head-first straight into the gutter). May I just say, preemptively: Take the high road.

*Inspired by the stuff of the late, great George Carlin (May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008), political satirist, lunatic, humane being.

When desperate times call for desperate measures, I summon the spirit of George Carlin... we sure could use a man like you... right about now.