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Inspection- Why Does God Blame Me?
by Ken Carman
I'll bet almost everyone has experienced the family where one child is blamed for everything, or winds up being punished for what isn't his fault. Maybe even a relative, like in my family... a cousin... he has an older brother who was treated as if he "can do no wrong." Usually the older brother winds up a nit who does a lot wrong and borders on evil in a very sadistic way. The younger brother winds up a mirror reflection of his older brother, though underneath it all; somewhere, exists the little kid who only wanted to do what was right, be loved and be treated fairly.
Maybe the parents are having problems and they take it out on the child, or there are outside influences that destroy the couple... sometimes, but not always, "influences" within the family. There's quite a bit of truth to the son or daughter who goes out and has a wildly successful life but when they come home: nothing they can do is right. The old, sick, demented family dynamics reassert themselves. That's often that's why it's best for some people to move away so they can have a bloody life instead of always being the "failed son," "wayward daughter, "the one not worth listening to," the _______. (Fill in the blank with whatever asinine, convenient accusations, or conveniently misapplied label, you wish.)
That's why, if the person sticks around, and sometimes even if they leave, they eventually become the very person they never had to be. That's why moving away as soon as possible... sometimes; not always, is the best solution.
But we can't move away from God.
I believe this is one of the reasons a few atheists become as strident and as obnoxious as their overly dogmatic theist counterparts. Even if you're an atheist you can't move away because you will always be viewed with disdain: as the wayward daughter; the failed son, when living in an overwhelmingly theistic society.
So, since I am a rather odd mix of theist with agnostic tendencies, that makes me a good candidate to offer a few standard Christian concepts of the more fundamental type; and ask a few questions like...
A. Why should I be punished for what some super-great mom and Dad; "Adam and Eve," supposedly did eons ago?
B. Or, shouldn't a son who is old enough to be allowed "free will," like any adult should have, be allowed to have an opinion different from his father, even if it's about the very nature of his father?
C. If a father insists on punishing his son who has grown in the way I just mentioned, or allows him to be punished, isn't it the father who is out of line: who is refusing to let go and let grow?
D. If we are to believe the fundamentalists concept of God's nature: is "God the father" really a "good" father?
Once again, I'm sure most of us know the result of parents who insist on being too controlling; even into late adulthood with adult children who, in part for that reason, are still children and exhibit the very behavior parents would want the least.
Now imagine there is a father of all fathers and mothers. This father's sons and daughters have been a big disappointment from time to time. They live in sin. They covet. They... well you know the list. In response, if you believe some standard versions of God, you stop talking to your children and send another son to talk to them instead. After all these years it's horrible, but understandable, that some might be so angry they would consider Cain-ing this Abel.
Much of this started when God had an in-family squabble and Satan left in a huff after being heavenly booted with a deity-size set of Tony Lamas; presumably after a fight regarding who rides a better mechanical bull at some celestial cowboy bar. Levity aside, isn't this a little analogous with divorce? "You better behave yourself or you'll have to go live with your horn sprouting; torment loving, Daddy..." Daddy, of course, has been painted as pure evil; the monster under the bed... true or not.
Trillions of children over the ages have suffered under this dynamic.
I am not Cain.
I am not Abel.
I know little of the place and the events that led God to turn someone who just happened to look back into a pillar of salt. Was that with iodine, or not? Intrigued theistic nutritionists really want to know.
To paraphrase a now departed; linguistically limited, president, "Are our father learning yet?" After billions of years; thousands... if you believe some, could it be that God still needs to work on his parenting skills?
I want to know.
Why does God blame me?
-30-
Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 30 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.
© Copyright 2009
Ken Carman and Cartenual Productions
All Rights Reserved
I'll bet almost everyone has experienced the family where one child is blamed for everything, or winds up being punished for what isn't his fault. Maybe even a relative, like in my family... a cousin... he has an older brother who was treated as if he "can do no wrong." Usually the older brother winds up a nit who does a lot wrong and borders on evil in a very sadistic way. The younger brother winds up a mirror reflection of his older brother, though underneath it all; somewhere, exists the little kid who only wanted to do what was right, be loved and be treated fairly.
Maybe the parents are having problems and they take it out on the child, or there are outside influences that destroy the couple... sometimes, but not always, "influences" within the family. There's quite a bit of truth to the son or daughter who goes out and has a wildly successful life but when they come home: nothing they can do is right. The old, sick, demented family dynamics reassert themselves. That's often that's why it's best for some people to move away so they can have a bloody life instead of always being the "failed son," "wayward daughter, "the one not worth listening to," the _______. (Fill in the blank with whatever asinine, convenient accusations, or conveniently misapplied label, you wish.)
That's why, if the person sticks around, and sometimes even if they leave, they eventually become the very person they never had to be. That's why moving away as soon as possible... sometimes; not always, is the best solution.
But we can't move away from God.
I believe this is one of the reasons a few atheists become as strident and as obnoxious as their overly dogmatic theist counterparts. Even if you're an atheist you can't move away because you will always be viewed with disdain: as the wayward daughter; the failed son, when living in an overwhelmingly theistic society.
So, since I am a rather odd mix of theist with agnostic tendencies, that makes me a good candidate to offer a few standard Christian concepts of the more fundamental type; and ask a few questions like...
A. Why should I be punished for what some super-great mom and Dad; "Adam and Eve," supposedly did eons ago?
B. Or, shouldn't a son who is old enough to be allowed "free will," like any adult should have, be allowed to have an opinion different from his father, even if it's about the very nature of his father?
C. If a father insists on punishing his son who has grown in the way I just mentioned, or allows him to be punished, isn't it the father who is out of line: who is refusing to let go and let grow?
D. If we are to believe the fundamentalists concept of God's nature: is "God the father" really a "good" father?
Once again, I'm sure most of us know the result of parents who insist on being too controlling; even into late adulthood with adult children who, in part for that reason, are still children and exhibit the very behavior parents would want the least.
Now imagine there is a father of all fathers and mothers. This father's sons and daughters have been a big disappointment from time to time. They live in sin. They covet. They... well you know the list. In response, if you believe some standard versions of God, you stop talking to your children and send another son to talk to them instead. After all these years it's horrible, but understandable, that some might be so angry they would consider Cain-ing this Abel.
Much of this started when God had an in-family squabble and Satan left in a huff after being heavenly booted with a deity-size set of Tony Lamas; presumably after a fight regarding who rides a better mechanical bull at some celestial cowboy bar. Levity aside, isn't this a little analogous with divorce? "You better behave yourself or you'll have to go live with your horn sprouting; torment loving, Daddy..." Daddy, of course, has been painted as pure evil; the monster under the bed... true or not.
Trillions of children over the ages have suffered under this dynamic.
I am not Cain.
I am not Abel.
I know little of the place and the events that led God to turn someone who just happened to look back into a pillar of salt. Was that with iodine, or not? Intrigued theistic nutritionists really want to know.
To paraphrase a now departed; linguistically limited, president, "Are our father learning yet?" After billions of years; thousands... if you believe some, could it be that God still needs to work on his parenting skills?
I want to know.
Why does God blame me?
-30-
Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 30 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.
© Copyright 2009
Ken Carman and Cartenual Productions
All Rights Reserved
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I've always enjoyed the irony of the Annunciation and Nativity, both demonstrating God's Deadbeat Dad syndrome to the nth degree.
What a guy, God. Not only does he insist on knocking up a virgin, he also demands, but only through a representative, that she agree to collude in proclaiming her virginal status thereafter. Now there's real responsibility in action. So poor Mary becomes an unwed mother to be, and God's only contribution to her support, while she is obediently doing his gestational bidding, is to hook her up with an old man who is also willing to collude in the overall program.And with all his resources, God can't even take the time to check room reservations on Priceline, and thus Mary gives birth in a barn.
What a Prince, our God.
January 27, 2009 7:56 AM | Reply | Permalink
I wrote up a "heresy" about that once. I actually thought about how all this affected Jesus. Growing up in a little village, where maybe he was ostracized. And thus came to feel compassion for the disenfranchised, the devalued, the outcasts. Joseph was the hero in some ways - going against his society and marrying a pregnant girl (instead of stoning her or letting her dad do that). The whole story looks very different when you consider alternative explanations. (I considered the idea of child sexual abuse actually, a bit of a different scenario from yours.)
January 27, 2009 8:07 AM | Reply | Permalink
Your focus is more relevant, TheraP, in terms of the father/child focus of this post. As it is more compassionate.
Perhaps, then, a more apt analysis in the Dad department, per this post, is God's later willingness to sacrifice "his only begotten son" (you figure: now that Jesus is being crucified, God is all about claiming the relationship, if a bit late in the proceedings).
At least with Christ's death there is parity, a gender-free willingness to sacrifice one's child running through the ages: Agamemnon sacrifices his daughter (it simply doesn't pay to be a virgin, does it?) while God sacrifices his son.
Maybe it's not such a good thing to be the favorite.
January 27, 2009 11:48 AM | Reply | Permalink
Well, I'm gonna go all compassionate on you here again.
I'm a firm believer in the Trinity. I like the idea that at the heart of reality ALL is relationship. Now, it's a Mystery. Don't ask me to explain it. But the 3 are 1. So, now I'm sure I'm gonna veer into heresy again - but I have no fear of that. Somehow we have One God. Somehow Jesus and the Father are one. So, and I firmly believe this part, because I believe God is One with Suffering - somehow Jesus is the Suffering of God in human form - on the Cross. Other parts of Jesus's path are God with us in prayer or at mealtime or in healing. Whatever.
I've had to think long and hard about this one. Because I've worked with people who experienced such suffering in childhood - that I have had to square that with my belief in God. I could not have endured the suffering of working with these people, had I not turned to God for strength and hope. And people who have been terrible abused, even tortured, as children literally cannot recover unless they also make some kind of sense of the world and feel a connection to Holy Mystery - to some spiritual path or meaning. Not that I would ever impose one. But that seems to be part of becoming Whole - sometimes for the first time in a person's life.
January 27, 2009 12:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
TheraP:
I hear the anger in what I have said -- an anger that has very little to do with the tenets of Christianity and everything to do with the bad habit of filial, or feminine self-sacrifice. My anger was triggered by a piece of mind, spirit and body numbing news I received today that brought that awareness into focus.
I apologize for my anger,both to Ken Carmen and to you.
January 27, 2009 3:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
If my anger had been so softly translated into prose, I would be a much better person.
Bell, you are one fine writer.
January 27, 2009 3:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
Dick: unbeknownst to you, you have laser-beamed into my conflicted psyche with the appellation, Belle, or Bell.
Bell was my mother's maiden name. (Oops, there's a gift to identity theft bandits.) It was she -- blonde, blue-eyed and uber intelligent, while southern -- who once said, conversationally:
"Wendy, Darlin'face, no one will ev'ah rescue you; you appear to be too proud, and therefore, untouchable. Why don't you eva'h show your vulnerable side?"
January 27, 2009 6:21 PM | Reply | Permalink
"What a Prince, our God."
I prefer to use "your take on God," or "who some believe God is..." some variation on all that. I know, "awkward." But if there is God, then he/she/it isn't responsible for what some of us claim.
That's just me.
TheraP...
If we are to believe this part of the story, I think Joseph probably did what he thought was right, whether he had anything to do with it. I believe the story was dressed up to impress others with common myths and non-happenings. My guess is his ministry was impressive enough, but given the times and what that culture alone would have thought of what obviously would have been considered an illegitimate child... some story had to be told: true or not. Claims of virgin birth were not unknown back then by any means, or example. It was a superstitious society.
"God's later willingness to sacrifice 'his only begotten son...'"
wwstaebier...
I think this follows the "God demands you take your son out and sacrifice your son to prove you love him" pattern. Of course, to be honest, the concept of killing; or allowing a son to be killed, a son to prove love is vile at best. Can you imagine any father, instead of running to the rescue, just saying, "Let him die (Or "I'll kill him") to prove "love?" It proves nothing of the sort, IMO. But in the time of Jesus the story of Abraham was well known, so the use of this in the larger sense is understandable. Being the favorite is indeed a very bad thing in this case. Kind of like when cults would sacrifice the prettiest girl to their deity(ies). I suspect that's the actual origin of this; not God.
I must have missed the anger. I took it as passion, as in "The Passion of the Poster?" Chuckle.
January 28, 2009 6:44 PM | Reply | Permalink