Next week's brief edition of Inspection arrives on your digital doorstep early... to keep current with the news cycle involving the Prince of Darkness.

     Novak: I refuse to call him "Bob" because it seems about as inappropriate as kindly referring to Hitler as "Unkie Adolph," is in big trouble. I almost sympathize.

     For those who live on Saturn or Jupiter here's the scoop: he hit someone; the reports so far indicate a homeless person, who landed on the hood of his car. Novak took off and was stopped by John Q. Citizen bravely standing in his way. Or so the story is being reported on Sirius Left News now. At first the reports were that the homeless person was OK, then later that he was in a neck brace.

      I wrote my first draft before the second report. In Nashville, where I live... yet sometimes reside (long story), I was waiting for a light at an intersection a few years ago. A homeless person rode his bike past me, across the street and, without even a hint of a brake, into another car. His dramatic "toss myself onto the hood of the car and scream 'what did you do to me'" performance was so pathetic I remember elementary students who honestly admitted even back then: 66, that they had no business being on stage during the first musical I was in, The Mikado, doing a far better acting job. So, being a witness, I stayed, and told the cop what I just told you.

     As far as the witness goes, I know from an unfortunate personal experience many years ago in Georgia that...

A. Witnesses lie.

B. Witnesses get facts wrong.

C. Witnesses sometimes don't seem to have been on the same planet during the event they claim to have witnessed.

D. If you're a convenient target people will say anything, and some cops will go out of their way to support them, even coach them if their lie becomes too damn obvious... and will call and threaten anyone who says anything that challenges what they want in the record.

      Let's just say that lawyers may make good jokes: but there's a damn good reason why we sometimes have to hire them: even if they suck as much as mine did.

      So: at least for now, I still have mixed feelings about this situation with Novak, except one comment...

      Why the hell is this splattered all over the news when his outing of Plame didn't even get him charged with treason? That's what it was. He may be an arrogant putz and a nasty driver, but I deal with them every day. Frankly, if the newest reports are true, I hope he spends a lot of money and some time in jail. But the news media should sniff around a little bit then get on to more important stuff.

      Of course if this were a just society this would never have happened. Novak would be in jail; perhaps waiting in line for the needle, or an unhealthy jolt or two from Old Sparky. That's suppose to be the punishment for being a traitor, especially during "a time of war" against the very terrorists Novak helped by outing Plame, right?

                                 -30-

      Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over thirty years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.

"He makes like 'stupid' money, Cop."

                                             -Abby Normal, from Christopher Moore's book; You Suck

     Let's put this upfront: never talk to a cop like that; he (or she) won't be amused, even if you've named yourself after the brain Igor stole in Young Frankenstein.

     A few weeks ago the Talkingheadland and Blogworld blathered on and on about Rush Limabaugh's multi-multi million dollar contract. What didn't I write about? Oh, yeah, now I remember: Rush Limbaugh's multi-multi million dollar contract.

      I really don't care about one over the top contract.

      Why was it no one bitched about Stern's gazillion dollar deal with Sirius? Besides, neither Howard nor Rush should really be the point here. If radio personalities all earned star studded wages, well, I wouldn't even bother writing this edition of Inspection.

        They don't. These days; what few "J's" are left, work at minimum wages at small stations. Most of the industry is canned programming where even the "calls" from listeners requesting songs are digitally pasted it in with a talent's voice over: and I have little doubt these "engineers" aren't paid anything close to what the voice over "artists" are paid. (I've done voice over work: to call it artistry is a bit of a stretch; but decent digital sound editing? From personal experience I know that does take talent.) Like with talk radio, there are a few real mega stars nationwide who are syndicated and well piad: the rest are paid damn near nothing.

       The problem wasn't some silly, over the top, contract. The problem is a whole lot of obscene, over the top, contracts, for CEOs who kill their own corporations while treating employees worse that chuck-able spare parts, sports icons vs. ticket takers, musical stars vs. what the dirt-like "manna" is offered to the rest of us.

       The "free market" at work?

       This ain't no stinking free market. In a "free market" workers would actually be allowed to have some say in what they are paid and how they are treated.

       I've always thought Ben and Jerry's; back when Ben and Jerry actually owned the company, had it right. Managers, CEOs and other highly place/successful people deserve higher wages. This is a question of "how much" vs. "how little" for others.

        Let's say you earn a thousand dollars a day. That's a lot of money. Boy, I'd love to have that. But a thousand dollars a day isn't even half of a million a year. To earn a million you have to get close to three times that. The Stern/Limbaugh contracts turn a million a year into chump change.

         I'm sorry, no one deserves more than a million or two a year: and if we had strong unions these obscene contracts would be a thing of the past. The reason why CEOs, for example, can get astronomical figures is because workers under them work harder than they do for damn near slave labor: sometimes quite literally slave labor as that expense is outsourced to freedom loving countries like China. Baseball icons get "stupid money" because the guy selling hotdogs in the boiling sun while climbing stairs, or the ticket takers, get squat. If movie theater workers got a living wage then Mel Gibson might have to have a smaller mansion. If those who made TVs were adequately compensated Jay Leno might have to sell a few of his many antique cars or cycles.

        I'm crying.

        Boo... damn... hoo.

        Can anyone actually provide me with any overwhelming evidence that these sky high salaries produce better CEOs, or that the best amongst us are those who are compensated the most? I'm sorry: talent they have, but there are few who would actually claim that either Stern, or Limbaugh, are either the best the human race has to offer or even the most talented... unless you believe Limbaugh's self constant aggrandizing bloviations.

        I don't know about you, but I've found the more someone tells me how wonderful they are, the more I find they are their basic nature is sludge-like: the slimiest examples humanity has to offer. They usually make me ponder an all important question...

"Is humanity starting to return to the mindless swamp creatures from whence they came?"

         Paying anyone such astronomical amounts without over whelming evidence that what they are providing is "good" in all senses of the good: including moral and ethical (not necessarily the same) amounts to "stupid money." For example, I'm sure those who designed the ovens for Hitler were "good" at what they did; talented. But not "good" either morally, or ethically. (They may have claimed to be unaware, or to have had their good intentions taken advantage of by the Reich, but I find these claims to actually having such morals ethically challenged by their silence.) These days I tend to think that professional wrestling and much of Right Wing talk has filled the void left by those "talented" designers: they are also both morally and ethically challenged. Limbaugh, for example, has the ethics of both Goebbels and those who believed feeding heretics to the lions was an ethical form of "entertainment."

        The idea that these over-paid folks worked hard for their money is on a rare occsaion true, usually... not: notice how so many TV and movie stars just happen to have the same names as previous ones. Reaching out and giving your kids a hand up is fine and dandy; as long as the support system that helps sell your product isn't run by untouchables. Rush Limbaugh is talented, so is Stern: though I personally care for neither. But do they work harder than the grease monkey in a unairconditioned shop, under a car? Hardly.

        Has anyone ever noticed that the large car shops have air conditioning for... the office people... while the actual hard work is done under unhealthy, sweatbox, conditions? This is the true nature of work in America. The harder you work, the tougher the work, the less you get and the more inhumane the labor conditions. The more you live off of others hard work the better the compensation, the better the amenities.

        How many hours is Limbaugh on the air? How much prep does it take to spew the BS he pulls out of his colonoscopy hole? How hard is it to make lewd remarks and talk about spanking? If you find Howard funny, fine. Entertaining? Well, I don't, but I do believe society should serve multiple tastes. But how well such should be compensated?

        Please don't even begin to suggest that either Howard or Rush are more valuable than, oh, say a teacher. The whole situation is backasswards. A person who cleans the toilets or scrubs septic tanks deserves at least a living wage for what they do, and I'd start... if I ruled the world... by sucking off a good portion of what CEOs and mega-stars earn. Hell, I'd probably pay them more in some cases. Think that's "unfair?" Hey, I rule the world now. Try living without the guy who collects your garbage, takes care of what you flush, or buries the dead...

          Now, bow before me, damn you! I rule the world. Every comic will be Calvin and Hobbes. Studebaker will still be in business! Folk music will be the national music. Executions will be reserved for annoying people like TV chefs named "Ray" who wear too much damn make up, child stars called "Montana" whose picture is splattered everywhere, arrogant... snotty leaders appointed by courts, mega stars who have no talent, and of course...

           I don't rule the world. Oops, I almost forgot. That was a short reign.

           Miss me yet?

           Solutions?

           A national bill that enforces something like the old Ben and Jerry's rule: the highest paid persons in any industry can only earn, let's say... thirty or forty times more than the lowest paid worker.

          "Socialism!"

          "Communism!"

           Those who make such claims only display their ignorance of both systems. It is actually the best of "free market" at work, for a market to be "free," it must be "fair."

            Paying someone "stupid money" is neither.

                                                                -30-

      Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over thirty years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.