God tells Pat Robertson to sell dollars and buy gold
Televangelist and former GOP presidential candidate Pat Robertson has some good news for President-elect Obama. God spoke to Robertson and assured him Obama's stimulus policies will be successful and lead to a swift economic recovery. "Cast off the gloom and the doom," he told an interviewer, "because things are getting ready to turn around."
On the downside, however, God also told Robertson that socialist policies and massive government spending could lead to heavy hyperinflation, sending prices through the roof and the value of the dollar through the floor. "The Lord said the dollar is going to go down dramatically," Robertson said. "If I'm hearing him right, gold will go to about $1900 dollars an ounce and oil to $300 a barrel."
God also reassured Robertson on the subject of Israel. "Israel is entering a period of extreme crisis," he said. "A strong government that deals forcefully with the Palestinians will bring international condemnation and sanctions against Israel, but the Lord will uphold his people despite world opinion."
I guess this means the rest of us are just Bantha fodder.
Advertisement
At least he quit praying for Supreme Court Justices to die.
On another note. Is there the faintest possibility that he will pay any taxes on his profit?
January 4, 2009 8:43 PM | Reply | Permalink
Sadly, no.
Repeating what the late, great Frank Zappa said decades ago: "Tax the churches. Tax the businesses owned by the churches."
January 4, 2009 11:57 PM | Reply | Permalink
While we're at it, can we also tax the "not for profit" ivy leagues with the giant endowments? I sold my soul to pay off my school loans. I need vengeance.
January 5, 2009 11:54 AM | Reply | Permalink
The good news is with that devalued dollar due to hyperinflation, we'll be able to reduce the national debt mo' better.
January 5, 2009 12:55 AM | Reply | Permalink
hyperinflation
The way to "tax" *net worth, if only virtually; In Sweden they just go directly at it.
As opposed to income only.
January 5, 2009 3:18 AM | Reply | Permalink
Show's what Robertson knows. God is a total inflation hawk.
January 5, 2009 1:46 AM | Reply | Permalink
This made me laugh for two solid minutes. Inflation hawk...hehe.
Thanks, Destor :)
January 5, 2009 11:31 AM | Reply | Permalink
If God speaks to Pat Robinson, why didn't He tell Pat that he had no chance to win the Presidency in 1988?
January 5, 2009 1:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
yaknow, He probably did, but obviously Pat's a selective listener...
January 5, 2009 5:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
.
I'm not too suprised . . .
I was always taught that when a minister opens his mouth hold onto your wallet real tight.
This Robertson invest in gold BS doesn't surprise me in the least. After all, at one time he did have $8 million tied up in a Liberian gold mining venture.
I wonder where his flock's bucks are being spent digging for the shiny stuff now?
~OGD~
January 5, 2009 3:10 AM | Reply | Permalink
Christopher Buckley wrote a very wry book called God Is My Broker. Looks as though Robertson has read it, without noticing it was satire.
January 5, 2009 8:17 AM | Reply | Permalink
Honest, do people really fall for the "pay me money or you're going to hell" argument? Or is the argument as presented -- slightly more nuanced -- too confusing?
The only time I resent being raised an atheist is when I can't understand how people like Pat stick around so long.
January 5, 2009 11:57 AM | Reply | Permalink
Son of Sam's neighbor's dog told him to kill people spooning in parked cars.
Dog spelled backwards is god.
January 5, 2009 4:20 PM | Reply | Permalink
...so THAT'S what they mean by "The Golden Rule."
Did you hear the one about the agnostic dislexic insomniac?
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog...
January 5, 2009 5:01 PM | Reply | Permalink
So according to Pat - Jesus may have thrown the money changers out of the temple but he still apparently dabbles in commodity markets.
January 5, 2009 5:28 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oh, I need to give you a big LOL on that one!
January 5, 2009 6:34 PM | Reply | Permalink
What are the odds that Robertson will begin publishing an investment letter entitled Highly Recommended?
January 5, 2009 7:10 PM | Reply | Permalink