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Prayer by Numb3rs: A Breakdown of Prayer Requests on Social Networking Sites
- 25 - Number of times per day I request prayers for myself.
- 24 - Number of times per day those prayers are requested through facebook. As in, "I am having a hard time thinking of what I should make for dinner. I could really use your prayers!"
- 15 - Number of times per day I tell someone that I will be praying for them.
- 15 - Number of times per day those promises are made through facebook. As in, "Oh Lisa, I SO know what you are going through! I have NO idea what to make for dinner either! You will DEFINITELY be in my prayers!"
- 10 - Number of times (out of ten) a heathen would call these facebook prayer requests shallow and attention-starved. How silly and sad those heathens are! They have no idea about the true power of prayer!
- 5 - Number of friends I have had to leave behind (like Jesus will) when they responded to said requests with some variation of, "You will be in my thoughts". The correct answer obviously has nothing to do with thoughts!
- 1 - Number of cents I would wager that all whom claim to be Christian are actually following through on these faceless oops, I mean, facebook requests.
If you are like me, you have found these new social networking sites to be an excellent prayer request medium. Sadly, we have been unable to escape persecution even in this virtual world. I received two messages this week from two different hell-bound acquaintances, expressing their discomfort in our righteous pleas. One pathetic soul wrote, "With all that is going on in the world how could you in good conscience, request prayer so frivolously?" What an obvious and sickning display of jealousy! Granted, I'd be jealous too if Jesus was running around answering all of 'their' prayers! Don't fall for any of these low-down-dirty tactics my fellow Christ-fighters! These godless freaks have won the battle of keeping prayer out of our schools (the battle, not the war!) but they will not keep it out of our facebook!
Help keep facebook prayer-request status-updates alive!
Immediately request 10 prayers to know pure Christlike Love!
Request 5 prayers over the next couple of days to know Christ!
Request no prayers and KNOW NO LOVE!
Yours in Christ,
Kala
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Jesus H Christ!
May 6, 2009 10:23 AM | Reply | Permalink
Jesus Harold Christ On Rubber Crutches!
May 6, 2009 6:59 PM | Reply | Permalink
Jesus H. (the H. Stands for Humberto - but you must roll the "r's" very sexy like) Christ indeed.
I see this so often on Facebook - and myspace where these whiny housewives will get on there an complain about how hard their day is. Don't get me wrong - I understand being a mom is a very hard job - but do you have to have these nonsensical conversations where you shed every bit of your femininity? Sure - we'll pray for you because you don't feel well - but do we have to know that your "BM's" are especially large and hurtey? No. No we don't. We'll pray for you because you and the hubby aren't as intimate as you once were - but do we have to know it's because he likes a Mexican hairless and you're more comfortable with a French poodle who hasn't had a haircut in years? No - definitely no we don't. And guys - just an FYI - I don't know how Jesus likes to get his prayer requests - but I'm pretty sure he's not going to help you find a rohypnol dealer. But hey - I guess what's the harm in asking. Oh - ya - the harm is you go to hell for trying to date rape people.
So - I know it was a bit off topic - but I just had to let someone know to keep the prayer requests generic on the ol' facebook. Some of us haven't had lunch yet.
May 6, 2009 12:27 PM | Reply | Permalink
Oy!
May 6, 2009 3:09 PM | Reply | Permalink
Holy shit!
May 6, 2009 4:03 PM | Reply | Permalink
I never know what to make for dinner, either.
May 6, 2009 6:00 PM | Reply | Permalink
I have this excellent Pork recipe - it's called swine flu stew. But I think we may need to wait until next winter to have it.
May 7, 2009 12:49 AM | Reply | Permalink
What ever happened to praying silently and privately for daily bread and forgiveness?
May 7, 2009 3:32 AM | Reply | Permalink
That is so...unRepublican!
May 7, 2009 7:13 PM | Reply | Permalink
You know, I don't have a problem with anybody's religious beliefs. That is, until they're getting up in someone else's face about them. I think George Carlin had it right: "Religion is like a lift in your shoes, if you need it, fine, but don't go nailing lifts on the natives' feet." .
Unless this letter is pure sarcasm (and maybe it is, but it might be unwitting self-satire), I'd like people to learn to mind their own business with religion.
May 7, 2009 7:21 AM | Reply | Permalink
It would be nice if everyone -- including the rabid right -- agreed with you. Unfortunately they tend to push their face into everything, including saying that appointees who agree with the Law of the Land (Roe V Wade - Stem Cell Research) should be eliminated based on their own religious beliefs.
May 7, 2009 7:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
I have often feared that my sarcasm is too obvious. I can now rest assured, it's not.
May 8, 2009 6:07 AM | Reply | Permalink