Vegetarians Exposed: Anti-Jesus, Anti-American, Bestiality Crazed & Building Momentum. (Proof of Deviancy Far Deeper than Meatlessness!)
We have all seen them. Maybe at a restaurant or a family gathering? You know who I mean, that loathsome, tree-hugging liberal, smugly eating his tofu making it difficult to enjoy your own bloody hunk of cow flesh. If you are like me, you try to avoid looking at these people at all costs - just the sight of them makes your skin crawl! This is impossible; just as you feel compelled to look at the carnage left by a car wreck, so too are you compelled to look at the heinousness that is ʻthe vegetarianʼ. This point of view may not be widely vocalized but is widely agreed upon by any true red-blooded American Christian. These people make us sick, with their expensive haircuts and designer jeans, it's enough by itself to make you want to bludgeon them within an inch of their lives but sadly my friends, the problem goes FAR beyond this. There is a whole cesspool of unholy sickness bubbling right under the surface of these seemingly harmless (albeit annoying) vegetarians. Which brings me to the point of this post.
The Lord has asked of me to help bring these liberal sinners out of their shadowy dens of debauchery and let His light expose them for what they are! I pray that you will not only heed the following but that you will join me and The Big Guy on our crusade. Although Jesus and I both wish you believed in him we are aware that a few of his flock has strayed. :( I hope that even you people that will not be hanging out with me in Heaven, will also continue to read. They are not just a threat to Christianity, they are threat to the American way of life!
In the following, I will outline for you the real and unflappable proof that these godless left-wing, terrorists, a.k.a. vegetarians, are against everything we stand for as a people/nation/religion. If left to their own devices they will be the downfall of our society as a whole, mark my words! They are systematically attempting to dismantle what little we have left of our wholesome, Christian, American family values after that lust filled adulterer, President Bill Clinton left office. I can not, nor will not, idly sit back and watch them ruin what our forefathers and the Crusaders worked so hard to create with out putting up a fight!
Below, I have outlined for you the main threats posed, followed by the proof, and/or explanation of said threat. There should not be any further doubts.
1 - Vegetarians ARE NOT Christians!
How do I know this? I just do. I have faith that God has not misled me in my judgment. I realize that any left-wing, know-it-all reading this will not find 'faith', a sufficient answer. It is so sad that you liberal hippies can not grasp the concept of true faith. You always need to question everything, look to your ʻscienceʼ for proof, debate and study and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. So for you doomed souls, I offer the following facts (I know how much you love that word!) as proof that I am correct.
2 - Vegetarians killed Jesus
Please see 1-D - Bite of apple was taken, caused us to be a bunch of heathen sinners, God had to sacrifice his only Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so that we could be saved. I am sure even the most pathetic of you non-believers have heard the term, ʻJesus died for your sinsʼ? Well, we can just go ahead and change that to the way it should read - ʻJesus died for the vegetarians sins!ʼ I can assure you that no stinking apple, carrot, kumquat, whatever, would have tempted me bad enough to result in a dead Jesus! A side of bacon maybe, but an apple? NO WAY!
3 - Vegetarians are sexual deviants that support gay marriage
My proof regarding their sexual deviancy should hit home for all you devil-worshipping, evolution theory believing, left-wing wackoʼs, out there since I can prove this one with a MATHEMATIC FORMULA! We all know how much you just love to spout off with your, ʻnot convinced unless I have proofʼ bull-honkey. I am a heterosexual female. Since my husband, a wonderful, God-fearing man, made an honest woman out of me about 10 years back I have since rewarded him with missionary style ʻmaritalsʼ once a week, three times a month as a good wife/good Christian woman should. There is no variation and the only pleasure I receive from it is the pleasure of knowing I have been a dutiful wife and in turn a dutiful Christian. THIS is the way the Lord intended, THIS is the ONLY WAY! Any deviation from this is a perversion. For you porn-loving, Nazi sympathizing, left-wingers, here is the mathematic proof I had promised you (it is a story problem)...
Let me ʻshow my workʼ, so to speak -
I=A Eat=E Meat=T Sex=S Men=M
If((A*E)/S)2=T What is V?
V = Vegetarians are bestiality loving sickoʼs! That is what V equals!
Their support of gay marriage is by-product of their filthy lustful desires toward house-pets/farm animals/fish/birds/etc. I am sure you have often heard the argument that gay marriage will open the door to other, possibly worse atrocities (I shudder to think of something worse!). I have often heard "Whatʼs next? People will marry their dog?" It is believed that this argument is coming from my side (the side that has Jesusʼ support) but this is a common misconception. I have heard folks on Team Jesus say that they donʼt necessarily find this to be a valid fear. Obviously, these folks are not true Christians but that is not the point. The point is this - if WE didnʼt start the argument and YOU didnʼt start the argument, just WHO did and why? The answer is really quite simple, let me explain - awhile back a grass-roots campaign was schemed up by these four-legged-friend-fuckers to try and get gay marriage passed precisely for that reason. They KNEW it was a gateway to something even more deviant than a man on man union - a man on beast union! Oh boy did those disgusting sodomites want that gateway door flung WIDE OPEN! They wanted/want nothing more than to be able to take Fido up the poop-shoot on their honeymoon in Hawaii. But somewhere early on a mistake was made in their twisted plan. The LAST thing they wanted was for us meat eaters to realize gay marriage would lead to beast/human marriage, not until it was too late anyway.
4 - Vegetarians like babies, dead ones that is!
I guess it is only fair that I preface this category by stating that it is fitting of ALL left-wing, God hating, liberal bastards, not just vegetarians. Sure these 911 supporting, anti-Americans try to hide behind their veil of ʻopen-mindednessʼ or ʻhuman rightsʼ or some shit I will never understand nor agree with - they try and hide all of their misdeeds behind these fancy catch phrases it seems. Well me and the J-man ainʼt buying it! These soulless demons have one goal on this earth and that goal is to kill as many babies as possible. Sure they try and cover it up - try to distract us with their shiny new Prius, quick wit, beautiful smile and magnetic personalities. How COOL and With-it and qum ba yah and birkenstock wearing and poly-sci degree holding and mary-jane smoking and Dave Matthew's concert going and piss on the bible and piss on America and lets have a circle jerk and I am so popular and I am pure AWESOMENESS, these baby murders are. ʻOh, itʼs the womanʼs right to choose! Her body, her choice!ʼ, they lament, but I call ʻem like I see ʻem and abortion is murder you evil demons! And just for the record, I didnʼt want to be invited to your stupid ʻHolidayʼ party anyway Marissa! The only reason I sat outside your house that night was to see what happens at a satanic sacrifice. For the LAST TIME, yes, the vat of seven layer dip, box of White Zinfandel and assortment of Walmart bras and panties were for my own personal use - there is nothing ʻstalker-ishʼ about it! Plus, I did NOT call you 1,000 times like stated in the restraining order! Burn in hell you dirty, lying, siren of satan! I digress, I apologize.
My Fellow Christians -
Everyone else -
I will pray that you will find your way to the Lord and be able to walk next to your maker in the kingdom of heaven. Jesus is THE ONLY way to everlasting life, just as he is THE ONLY way to be truly know peace here on earth!
Know Jesus = Know Peace!
No Jesus = No Peace!
In the following, I will outline for you the real and unflappable proof that these godless left-wing, terrorists, a.k.a. vegetarians, are against everything we stand for as a people/nation/religion. If left to their own devices they will be the downfall of our society as a whole, mark my words! They are systematically attempting to dismantle what little we have left of our wholesome, Christian, American family values after that lust filled adulterer, President Bill Clinton left office. I can not, nor will not, idly sit back and watch them ruin what our forefathers and the Crusaders worked so hard to create with out putting up a fight!
Below, I have outlined for you the main threats posed, followed by the proof, and/or explanation of said threat. There should not be any further doubts.
1 - Vegetarians ARE NOT Christians!
How do I know this? I just do. I have faith that God has not misled me in my judgment. I realize that any left-wing, know-it-all reading this will not find 'faith', a sufficient answer. It is so sad that you liberal hippies can not grasp the concept of true faith. You always need to question everything, look to your ʻscienceʼ for proof, debate and study and BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. So for you doomed souls, I offer the following facts (I know how much you love that word!) as proof that I am correct.
- A - God made animals and then put them on the earth. He obviously wanted us to eat them or he wouldnʼt have made them so darned tasty Duh. A simply one to start.
- B - Animals are soulless beasts while God blessed humans with souls. This proves that in Godʼs eyes we are superior to animals and therefore ARE superior. As our God given right, we must eat them - the superior eat the inferior.
- C - Noahʼs Ark. What was the point for Noah to put in that much effort if it wasnʼt for food? Umm, there wouldnʼt have been one!
- D - Adam and Eve. Was it not an APPLE that they were tempted by that resulted in original sin? Oh Why Yes! I do believe it was! How interesting! Itʼs an apple, a plant based food, under which all sin is created! Eating vegetation = sin. After all, it certainly was not a chicken carcass hanging from that fateful tree now was it!?
2 - Vegetarians killed Jesus
Please see 1-D - Bite of apple was taken, caused us to be a bunch of heathen sinners, God had to sacrifice his only Son, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, so that we could be saved. I am sure even the most pathetic of you non-believers have heard the term, ʻJesus died for your sinsʼ? Well, we can just go ahead and change that to the way it should read - ʻJesus died for the vegetarians sins!ʼ I can assure you that no stinking apple, carrot, kumquat, whatever, would have tempted me bad enough to result in a dead Jesus! A side of bacon maybe, but an apple? NO WAY!
3 - Vegetarians are sexual deviants that support gay marriage
My proof regarding their sexual deviancy should hit home for all you devil-worshipping, evolution theory believing, left-wing wackoʼs, out there since I can prove this one with a MATHEMATIC FORMULA! We all know how much you just love to spout off with your, ʻnot convinced unless I have proofʼ bull-honkey. I am a heterosexual female. Since my husband, a wonderful, God-fearing man, made an honest woman out of me about 10 years back I have since rewarded him with missionary style ʻmaritalsʼ once a week, three times a month as a good wife/good Christian woman should. There is no variation and the only pleasure I receive from it is the pleasure of knowing I have been a dutiful wife and in turn a dutiful Christian. THIS is the way the Lord intended, THIS is the ONLY WAY! Any deviation from this is a perversion. For you porn-loving, Nazi sympathizing, left-wingers, here is the mathematic proof I had promised you (it is a story problem)...
My husband and I eat meat - We have sex with humans.
Vegetarians eat vegetables - They have sex with...? That is right kids, they have sex with animals!
Let me ʻshow my workʼ, so to speak -
I=A Eat=E Meat=T Sex=S Men=M
If((A*E)/S)2=T What is V?
V = Vegetarians are bestiality loving sickoʼs! That is what V equals!
Their support of gay marriage is by-product of their filthy lustful desires toward house-pets/farm animals/fish/birds/etc. I am sure you have often heard the argument that gay marriage will open the door to other, possibly worse atrocities (I shudder to think of something worse!). I have often heard "Whatʼs next? People will marry their dog?" It is believed that this argument is coming from my side (the side that has Jesusʼ support) but this is a common misconception. I have heard folks on Team Jesus say that they donʼt necessarily find this to be a valid fear. Obviously, these folks are not true Christians but that is not the point. The point is this - if WE didnʼt start the argument and YOU didnʼt start the argument, just WHO did and why? The answer is really quite simple, let me explain - awhile back a grass-roots campaign was schemed up by these four-legged-friend-fuckers to try and get gay marriage passed precisely for that reason. They KNEW it was a gateway to something even more deviant than a man on man union - a man on beast union! Oh boy did those disgusting sodomites want that gateway door flung WIDE OPEN! They wanted/want nothing more than to be able to take Fido up the poop-shoot on their honeymoon in Hawaii. But somewhere early on a mistake was made in their twisted plan. The LAST thing they wanted was for us meat eaters to realize gay marriage would lead to beast/human marriage, not until it was too late anyway.
4 - Vegetarians like babies, dead ones that is!
I guess it is only fair that I preface this category by stating that it is fitting of ALL left-wing, God hating, liberal bastards, not just vegetarians. Sure these 911 supporting, anti-Americans try to hide behind their veil of ʻopen-mindednessʼ or ʻhuman rightsʼ or some shit I will never understand nor agree with - they try and hide all of their misdeeds behind these fancy catch phrases it seems. Well me and the J-man ainʼt buying it! These soulless demons have one goal on this earth and that goal is to kill as many babies as possible. Sure they try and cover it up - try to distract us with their shiny new Prius, quick wit, beautiful smile and magnetic personalities. How COOL and With-it and qum ba yah and birkenstock wearing and poly-sci degree holding and mary-jane smoking and Dave Matthew's concert going and piss on the bible and piss on America and lets have a circle jerk and I am so popular and I am pure AWESOMENESS, these baby murders are. ʻOh, itʼs the womanʼs right to choose! Her body, her choice!ʼ, they lament, but I call ʻem like I see ʻem and abortion is murder you evil demons! And just for the record, I didnʼt want to be invited to your stupid ʻHolidayʼ party anyway Marissa! The only reason I sat outside your house that night was to see what happens at a satanic sacrifice. For the LAST TIME, yes, the vat of seven layer dip, box of White Zinfandel and assortment of Walmart bras and panties were for my own personal use - there is nothing ʻstalker-ishʼ about it! Plus, I did NOT call you 1,000 times like stated in the restraining order! Burn in hell you dirty, lying, siren of satan! I digress, I apologize.
My Fellow Christians -
The vegetarian threat is very real, it is also very terrifying. Obviously, it is not my place to judge these ʻpeopleʼ. After all, there is only perfect enough to judge - and no ladies, I am not talking about Kirk Cameron! ;-) I do not write this in judgment, nor did I write to inflame (as that too would not be very Christian of me) I only write this because I know God wants me to. He needs his flock to stand up and protect what we the blessed know is the only way into heaven, through evangelical Christianity. How do we do this you may ask? How can we control those unafraid of the bible?! Unafraid of judgment day!? My fellow Christians I implore you, letʼs give them something to be afraid of! Using the same skills we have honed on all groups of people that do not fit our ideal - oppression, public ridicule, alienation, exclusion, and my favorite, shame. Letʼs scare them into the loving arms of Jesus! I know together we will continue to fight the good fight against all threats (perceived or real) to our righteous and correct way of thinking. I will pray that God will lead us through these troubling times how he sees fit as we are not worthy of his unfailing love.
Everyone else -
I will pray that you will find your way to the Lord and be able to walk next to your maker in the kingdom of heaven. Jesus is THE ONLY way to everlasting life, just as he is THE ONLY way to be truly know peace here on earth!
No Jesus = No Peace!
God Bless,
Kala
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WOW Kala:
Finally - a woman who understands the Word of God the way it's supposed to be interpreted - LITERALLY.
So many supposed Christians don't get that sick to their stomach feeling when hearing someone order the $5 foot long veggie at Subway. Excuse my french - but WTF? God gave us dominion over the animals, and we Christians choose to exercise that dominion in the form of a slaughterhouse, prime cuts at our local grocer, and tasty piles of flesh and muscle tissue. If we are lucky enough have a butcher who will put all of the tastiest parts in to his sausage (bone marrow, intestines, beaks and feet, etc.) it's as close as we can get to a personal gift from God himself.
I find your arguments extremely compelling and intend to use them when I'm trying to scare the six to eleven year olds believing in the eternal love of Jesus. You would think that they would scare easy when I tell them that they will roast forever in the pits of hell, but since the advent of the videa-games they just don't scare as well. And although your arguments may not work on the educated, the free-thinking, or even the mentally challenged - they most certainly will work on our children. They will also be highly effective on the foreigners we show the love of our Savior and save from the pits of hell every year. You wouldn't believe what these people will do for a half of a sandwich and a bottle of water. How do you think I got my summer house in the Bahamas built? What a mission that was - I tell you!
It's just so nice to see such a unyielding faith - and take solace in the knowledge that you are doing what is necessary to "out" these Godless Sodomites and expose their radical agenda. Keep up the great work. With Christ warriors like you out there - we may actually someday see the day when we can forcibly shove raw meat down their unsoiled gullets in the name of Christ.
Praise His Holy Name!
Reverend Ezekiel
P.S. - if you know any good Christians who feel the call to serve and do a mission on the Cabo Peninsula this Fall - I'm building my new retreat down there. Actually - it's more like a Winter home - but you get the picture.
April 26, 2009 8:23 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thank you for your support. The blog you posted the other day inspired me to express these truths to the world. You have the courage to stand up for what is just and holy and I too must fight to push my values and opinions on everyone around me. I know it should be easy, not only do I know that I am right in every way, I have Jesus on my side, praise God! Yet sometimes I falter and it takes righteous Christ Warriors like yourself to get me back on my 'Pedestal of Truth', as I like to call it.
Thank you Reverend.
April 26, 2009 8:45 PM | Reply | Permalink
edestal of Truth. I think you have just discovered the catch phrase that will vault conservative evangelical Christianity back into National prominence. (the good kind - totally rigid in it's interpretation of the bible, even when it means running afoul of hate crimes legislation.) I mean - what's more important - a law written by a bunch of Godless beaurocrats in order to protect minorities, homosexuals, and the retarded, or the Holy Bible written by the Divine hand of God. Ya - that's a hard decision. People don't realize that if this legislation passes - you won't even be able to chain up your retarded illegal immigrant house cleaner at night to keep them from running away - and you'll actually be required to pay them!
If you get caught making fun of the gays and calling them dirty homo's - you could actually get a large fine!!! This represents another large threat to our way of life.
I knew if that Obama got into office we'd go downhill fast. It's so sad. He is nothing like our former President - and never will be.
April 26, 2009 9:06 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'm a Christian AND a vegetarian...I don't know whether to laugh or be offended, but it sounds like y'all are having fun. There is so little left in this PC world to laugh at...glad I could be of service. :-)
BTW, LOVE the avatar, kalakitty!
April 26, 2009 11:14 PM | Reply | Permalink
I hope that you were able to laugh! I too am a vegetarian and have been fascinated by the response I have received since my conversion from all different faiths and walks of life. I am constantly shocked at the strong, and very vocal, opinions everyone seems to have regarding my food choices. Two years meat-free and my friends and family members continue to question me with the same vigor and surprise they had day one. It seems to be a combo of anger, confusion and possibly mixed with a hint of envy? Did you have this same response? It's very odd.
So I do hope that you were not offended. I tried to write this from an over-the-top, exaggerated standpoint and hoped both parties would be equally eye-opening in their extremist views.
Thank you for commenting and showing some love for spaghetti cat!
April 27, 2009 12:07 AM | Reply | Permalink
I'm 17 years meat free! Surprise is what I get most often...people seem to think there is a sacrifice involved and it is hard for them to believe there isn't. My husband eats a little fish now and then for health reasons (that I disagree with, but that's neither here nor there)and my daughter is a veg, as well, and is raising my 2 granddaughters veg. So in my little world, I'm not an oddball.
Around here I'm more of an oddball for being a Christian! Combine the two and I'm asking for grief!
Anyway, yes, I was able to laugh! I added the happy face so you would know that!
Welcome to TPM!
April 27, 2009 2:07 AM | Reply | Permalink
The biggest sacrifice with being vegetarian in the heartland,is dining out. One can only live on freedom fries, steamed broccoli, and a salad for so long...
April 27, 2009 12:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
That's interesting, Piggy. I haven't traveled much within the U.S. since becoming a veg, and of course, out here in CA where the wackos are the majority, it is rarely a problem. We were VERY concerned when we were traveling in the UK, but that turned out not to be a problem at all. Even in the highlands of Scotland we found fairly good veg options, and in Bath and London, some of the best we've ever had.
April 27, 2009 1:26 PM | Reply | Permalink
A goodly tree far distant to behold
Loaden with fruit of fairest colours mixed,
Ruddy and gold: I nearer drew to gaze;
When from the boughs a savoury odour blown,
Grateful to appetite, more pleased my sense
Than smell of sweetest fennel, or the teats
Of ewe or goat dropping with milk at even,
Unsucked of lamb or kid, that tend their play.
To satisfy the sharp desire I had
Of tasting those fair apples, I resolved
Not to defer; hunger and thirst at once,
Powerful persuaders, quickened at the scent
Of that alluring fruit, urged me so keen.
About the mossy trunk I wound me soon;
For, high from ground, the branches would require
Thy utmost reach or Adam's: Round the tree
All other beasts that saw, with like desire
Longing and envying stood, but could not reach.
Amid the tree now got, where plenty hung
Tempting so nigh, to pluck and eat my fill
I spared not; for, such pleasure till that hour,
At feed or fountain, never had I found.
Sated at length, ere long I might perceive
Strange alteration in me,
April 27, 2009 11:29 AM | Reply | Permalink
You omitted the Cain and Able story. Able burned offerings of the meat and fatness from his flocks, and it was pleasing to God. Cain burned offerings of the produce from his fields, and God was not pleased.
It's the original sheepherder versus sodbuster story.
April 27, 2009 11:34 AM | Reply | Permalink
This was an awesome blog! My jaw kinda dropped at first because I am severely snark impaired, but then I started laughing my butt off.
Also, I was once accosted by a militant vegetarian outside the Fleetwood Diner in Ann Arbor, Michigan because I was wearing my radical rabbit fur earflap hat. (The tinfoil hat I usually wear was at the cleaners.) So, some of those 'seemingly harmless' vegetarians have serious anger issues.
Thanks for a big laugh and the next time there's a recipe thread, I'll post a couple of Native American dishes that are like totally veg for you and Still.
:o)
April 27, 2009 12:22 PM | Reply | Permalink
I'll be looking forward to them (but not the trolls who bring them out!!!)
April 27, 2009 1:29 PM | Reply | Permalink
Another couple of points you left out:
1) Vegetarians are rootless. That's why they eat plants--because they need roots so badly that they have to steal them. Rootless parasites.
2) Vegetarians poisoned the wells during the black plague (they fulfill their need for water with melons and cacti anyway).
April 27, 2009 1:56 PM | Reply | Permalink
Yes, and they want to take away the great American promise, a chicken in every pot. That's why we're having a bad recession right now. :-)
April 27, 2009 6:11 PM | Reply | Permalink
God help us, I do not want a bwak in any pot! ;)
April 27, 2009 6:24 PM | Reply | Permalink
But wait, there's more: evidently, being a vegetarian might just be a sign that you're really anorexic.
April 27, 2009 3:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
Couldn't open your link, but let me ASSURE you that vegetarianism does not, repeat DOES NOT lead to being anorexic, except maybe in my dreams!
April 27, 2009 4:04 PM | Reply | Permalink
Here's the link in pure form:
http://www.healthyplace.com/eating-disorders/main/vegetarian-or-anorexic/menu-id-58/
The claim is that many anorexic teenagers pretend to be vegetarian in order to hide their eating disorder. It does sound plausible.
(P.S. I'm a pescetarian. In addition to unholy fruits and vegetables, I also eat fish, especially Jesus-fish.)
April 27, 2009 4:10 PM | Reply | Permalink
Eating Jesus-fish? A little alpha with those omega-3s, eh?
You know what'd be tasty? One of those truth-fish-eating-the-Darwin-fish-eating-the-Jesus-fish fishes. Sort of like a piscene matryoshka doll. Or turducken.
April 27, 2009 4:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
Outstanding post!
Long ago I chose the middle way. Balance. It's a Buddhist thought - thought Buddhists are mostly vegetarians. I love vegetarian food. But ultimately I decided on my middle way. I try to avoid extremes. Thus, I guess I am half-gay, half-perverted, and yes, I own up to being a (heretic) Christian. It's the middle way and I feel "called" to it!
April 27, 2009 6:46 PM | Reply | Permalink
You are surely one of the biggest idiots in the Universe: congratulations. You obviously know know nothing about Jesus or his philosophy of peace and love: you're just a typical, pathetic right-wing hypocrite. I hope JC does return so he can let you know how wrong you are about everything. Please go fight your damn holy wars someplace else: we Earthlings are plain sick of your hatred and violence.
May 10, 2009 2:31 PM | Reply | Permalink
You are surely one of the least perceptive idiots in the Universe: congratulations.
See now, somehow the sarcasm you attempted was not lost on me. Hmmm, I wonder why that it is? Oh I know, I am not a complete moron! Sadly sir, you are.
Just to help you out a touch, there is one part in this comment that is not sardonic - I really do think you are a moron.
May 11, 2009 1:40 AM | Reply | Permalink