Weightless Weddings A Threat To Moribund Marriages
Noah Fulmor and Erin Finnegan will be floating -- possibly upside down -- as they say "I do" in a specially modified Boeing 727-200 departing Kennedy Space Center at Cape Canaveral on June 20, a statement from Zero Gravity Corporation said.
They will be "the first bride and groom to be married in zero gravity," the company, a provider of commercial weightless flights, said.
Weightless Weddings A Threat To Moribund Marriages
NEW WRECK TIMES
Senior Travel Editor
Gerry BroncoThursday, 4 June 2009
Omaha, Nebraska-- The first weightless wedding was condemned in a joint statement by a coalition of Catholic, Mormon and Evangelical church groups here today.
"In another attack on traditional marriage," the statement began, "the evils of society has reared its hate-filled head and thrust another affront on decency."
The coalition of church groups has been adamant that any weightless weddings be outlawed and that a constitutional amendment is needed to protect traditional marriage.
"We know that it is not without controversy, yet let me be clear that at the heart of this issue is the central doctrine of eternal marriage and its place in our Father's plan," Mormon Elder M. Russell Ballard said.
One Orlando, Florida pastor echoed those sentiments, "Weightless marriage is wrong. If we take sides, we must take the side of God."
The statement was one of many events planned supporting a constitutional amendment to take away the right of couples to get married in a weightless wedding. Christian conservatives have come to dominate the religious debate surrounding the issue - even though the Bible's statements on marriage are complex and disputed among Christians.
"We cannot allow these evildoers to make light of something as substantial as marriage," one evangelical congregant stated, "without our feet firmly planted on the ground, our commitments are prone to just float away. These weightless weddings threaten my marriage and all the heavy lifting required to make it work. I ought to know," he continued, "I've been married three times."
Liberal groups representing Christians, Jews and others are trying to defeat the amendment. But their efforts have been far more modest, even though priests and rabbis have played a pivotal role in creating and cultivating a theology that includes weightless weddings as equal to more moribund marriages.
"Culture is going to manifest itself in a way that summons the church to new realities," said Episcopal Bishop Marc Andrus.
More conservative christians took umbrage over Bishop Andrus' conciliatory tone.
"The last thing we need is to embrace these new realities when they rewrite sacred heritage," said Steve Hansen, pastor of Solid Rock Fellowship, an evangelical megachurch outside of Omaha. "For example, public schoolchildren will be indoctrinated about weightless weddings without parental consent. Everybody knows it's best for children to have their own mothers and fathers ruled by the laws of God and gravity," he said. "People can know the truth of marriage just from reason alone."
© 2009 by Justice Putnam
and Mechanisches-Strophe Verlagswesen
(cross posted at Daily Kos)
















Justice, I thought this was real until I looked again and saw it was from the New Wreck Times. Hahahahahahaha......I mean, I knew the weightless marriage part was real and in the news, but the rest.... hahahhahahahaha.
Where ya been? I've missed ya. If I'm being too nosy, nevermind. Just glad to see ya again. :o)
June 4, 2009 8:57 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks, I've been busy and not online as much as I'd like.
I have an old version of safari on my mac at home and can't post blogs on tpm there, only at work; so that intrudes on my online ventures as well.
I'll try to be around more often.
Glad to have fooled you with my satire!
June 4, 2009 9:35 AM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks for weighing in on the heavy subjects, Justice. Can we presume it's only a matter of time before marriage with box turtles shows it's ugly head again?
It's a shame that the Bible was not as clear about weightless weddings as it was about Ark construction. Have you noticed that we hardly ever have Ark controversies?
June 4, 2009 3:50 PM | Reply | Permalink
Seashell, that was sooo cute. Thanks for the laugh!
June 4, 2009 7:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
The only reason there are no Ark controversies is because there is a lack of Ark enemies.
Just an idea I've been floating.
June 4, 2009 9:17 PM | Reply | Permalink
Justice, I just do better where there is gravity. I mean when she is on top of me, so to speak and I grab onto her....well, I mean the gravity and weight of the situation is pure heaven for me...
I guess this might not have been your point here, so to speak, but my point.....
Well, thank you for the visuals..
June 4, 2009 3:58 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thie important thing to remember is, what about the children?
June 4, 2009 9:19 PM | Reply | Permalink
heheeee. I do not even know why that makes me laugh Justice. But it does. And that is all that counts sometimes.
This was a great blog by the way. ahhahaha
June 5, 2009 4:24 AM | Reply | Permalink
I have to admit, like flower, it took me a minute! Wonderful satire, you are indeed a man of many talents.
Lovely to see you again.
June 4, 2009 10:37 PM | Reply | Permalink
Thanks!
June 5, 2009 12:37 AM | Reply | Permalink
I’ve lost so much gravity reading this
that I’ve totally spaced out
and will now find my partner
and drift away...
June 5, 2009 4:12 AM | Reply | Permalink