SleepinJeezus

Dissociated Press

December 2, 2008

(Detroit, MI) Citing "opportunities that exist in this new economy," Former Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan announced today that he is coming out of retirement to embark on a new career as an entrepreneur. Greenspan and partners - including major names drawn from the mortgage banking industry such as Henry Paulson and Ben Bernanke  - rolled out their plan for a soup kitchen in Detroit to be called "Krewl Grewl."

"We've taken stock in America, and we're serving it up in Detroit," said Greenspan. "Our feasibility studies showed that the American consumer is moving steadily away from diets rich in flavor, calories and diversity and is looking instead for a more sustainable diet. Krewl Grewl will offer the consumer a range of selections of soups and porridge with a price tag they can afford."

A menu of items to be served at the spare, but attractive, Art Deco style building showed bargains were available, including the "Ayn Rand Grand? Ragout" for a nickel per serving. According to the menu, this offering is made with a "fresh water broth into which is introduced just a hint of beef and vegetables, all seasoned with care to enhance its substance. This recipe is so popular that diners not only stand in line to order a bowlful of this light offering, but find themselves soon wanting to come back for more!"

Continuing the Art Deco theme, Krewl Grewl has commissioned a new line of glassware to be used in the restaurant. These items were on display, and were not only joyously colored but were in fact crafted to a mirror finish sufficient to offer diners a reflection of themselves as they sit before these Depression Glass style plates and bowls.

"We're excited about this opportunity to participate in this economy and to create jobs and investments in our communities," Greenspan remarked. He then suggested that the Detroit opening of Krewl Grewl will be only the first of what he expects to be many within a nationwide franchise.

"We expect to be as omnipresent in our communities from coast to coast as Starbucks once was, only with more 'staying power' in the market. I have faith that my partners in this enterprise will  bring their talents to bear to assure such success for the future of Krewl Grewl, destined to become the venue of choice for American's looking to satisfy their appetite."

 Coming up:  "Soup's On!: Greenspan Cooks Up a Rich Stew"

Learn how the former Fed Chief's experience in the free market helped Krewl Grewl leverage "17 dollars, small change, and some pocket lint" to gain nearly $25 billion in government assistance to grow this exciting franchise.

ALSO: Newswoman Andrea Mitchell of NBC researches conflict-of-interest concerns raised over government funds being awarded to the same people in charge of disbursement. "We're not conflicted at all about receiving these funds," declares Treasury Secretary Paulson in assurances made at Congressional oversight hearings.