To Jon Stewart and Nancy Pelosi, much less the liberal-on-the-street, the anti-healthcare reform folks seem only ridiculous. And who can fault this conclusion. Stewart's most charitable descriptor is "hyperbolic," and I applaud this restraint, however fleeting. After all, it can seem that the Left's ridiculing reaction to the Right is at least a part of our problem. Who can even be certain of what's going on in the midst of a flurry of ridicule and counter-ridicule? And the possibility of actually influencing the other side is shot to hell in this acidic atmosphere.

Of course, ridicule is fun and relieving, and it's deeply ingrained in us as a reasonable reaction to transparently ridiculous rhetoric. But again, it's likely that, in lapsing into ridicule, we're only inflaming each other, further polarizing a frighteningly polarized citizenry. There's no easy-to-find path through this set of bramble of influences.

As a psychotherapist, it's tempting to preach psychotherapy principles, but that can seem only a more subtle form of ridicule. If I were to say, "We should try to be more tolerant (kinder, sensitive, nicer, etc.)," Stewart would have a withering joke at the ready. And I'd laugh with him.

Perhaps what we need is accurate understanding--not simply the kind of understanding that sounds only like being nicer, kinder, etc. I'm speaking of the kind of understanding that actually enables most people to conclude, "Ahh, so that's why he's agreeing with Palin that Obama wants Death Panels."

Palin is a political animal, so it's difficult to separate her political posturing from her actual beliefs, even though it's likely that she does believe that Death Panels are waiting in the wings. After all, her background seems similar to the backgrounds of many of the protestors that are lining up to rail against the pro-health reform candidates and to many of the folks who are registering their opposition in polls. In any case, what about the true believers, the folks who genuinely believe that Obama wants the Panels?

Why do they distort the provision to provide end-of-life counseling into an establishment of Death Panels? To answer that question, translate that question into the terms and conditions of your own life.

That kind of distortion is little different than the kind of distortion that occurs in an ordinary couple fight, or a verbal fight with any other family member, friend, or acquaintance. People ordinarily distort the facts when they're desperate to defend themselves against ridicule, blame, or any other kind of threat to their sense of well being. For instance, my father, now departed, and my mother, gone too, during their occasional fights would descend into invective. My sister and I always recall how father dear used to call my mother "fat" if she gained only five pounds. Later, he would apologize and explain that he was upset about something else and that she was beautiful to him. My mother once threw his razor on the floor, angrily saying, "Why don't you put it away? you must not care about me." Later, she would calm down and admit that she was upset because he was, at the age of 70, becoming forgetful and that she was scared he might get Alzheimer's.

These ordinary distortions are similar in kind to the distortions on both sides of the health care struggle. And they usually happen because of the desperation that comes from believing that the other side cares not a whit about one's ideas and welfare. A long tradition of ridicule entrenches that belief. We can blame Fox news and unscrupulous lobbyists and politicians for whipping up people, but we also need to dig a little deeper into our own contribution to the problem.

The point is not to blame ourselves for ridiculing others, but to realize that we're caught in a climate of ridicule and that there is precious little genuine understanding of our plight and the plight of the people we're ridiculing. Perhaps from that position, we can cool down and really listen to and actually be interested in the positions of our non-political opponents and in the non-political, genuine feelings even of our politicians. Let the empathy Obama championed find a home in us.