25,000 six-packs

Appearing today on Fox News, which recently won a heated bidding war for exclusive interview rights with the McCain-Palin campaign with a bid of $11.73(In related news Brad Righteous, vice-president for talent acquisition for Fox News resigned today to pursue other opportunities. Insiders say that the Fox News bid for the McCain-Palin rights was 50% higher than the nearest competitor.), Senator John McCain questioned Barack Obama's truthfulness concerning his relationship with Colin Powell.

"I don't care about some worn out unrepentant General who bombed some rusty Iraqi tanks 20 years ago and then did it again in 2003" said Senator McCain. "The junior senator from Illinois owes the American people an explanation about this sordid relationship. How long have Obama and Powell known each other? Did Obama know that Powell was a war hero, and if so why did he continue this association? It's about character"

When asked about the impact of Powell's endorsement of Obama for president, McCain shrugged bitterly, "Probably nothing, the main stream media are in the tank for Obama. First it was Ayers, then Rezko and Rev. Wright, and now Colin Powell. Where's the outrage?"

Dear Constituent,

As many of you are `aware, I recently called for a media expose of anti-American members of Congress on "Hardball" with Chris Mathews. It turns out that Fox News already has a list, but is waiting to air it until Fox News gets some credibility with the American people, but I can't wait that long as I seem to have aroused a bit of controversy that has every Hamas sympathizer in the Western hemisphere sending money to my opponent in the upcoming election. So I have decided to conduct my own investigation.

First, we need to define anti-American. I spent the entire weekend compiling a list of anti-American characteristics but when I showed it to Consuela my beloved nanny (who assures me that 13 year-old Guatemalans are not required by law to carry green cards) she pointed out that the list was rather wordy, and after all, one  does not actually snort arugula. So I have condensed the list to an easily digestible sound bite. Anti- American is the opposite of "white and thinks like me".

Based on that criteria we find that the Republican delegation to congress is totally pro-American with the possible exception of the Florida delegation, many of whom are of Cuban descent and will need to be watched carefully since everyone knows that when Fidel emptied his prisons and floated them off to Florida, he slipped some agent provocateurs onto the rafts with instructions to run for congress. Which leaves us with the Democrat party. Riddled with blacks and other minorities, Democrats routinely vote for Palestinian style agendas cleverly disguised as earmarks, and oppose George Bush at every turn. Obviously severely anti-American.

But possibly the most anti-American slime bag I have ever encountered is my opponent for congress, Elwyn  Tinklenberg. Known by his gay socialist fellow travelers as "Tinkerbelle", Tinklenburg was raised by descendants of failed Dutch dyke builders deported to this country in the 1800's. Seeking to disguise his commie inclinations he bought a phony degree and eventually became a minister with the far left religious cult United Methodist church. He now makes the absurd claim that being the Mayor of a small town in rural Minnesota is a qualification for higher office. Elwyn, which is Dutch for "jihad", wants to advance the Obama socialist agenda in congress. Worse, his victory would force me to return to the most boring patch of ground in our hemisphere, the 6^th Congressional District of Minnesota, where frankly, most people lack the personality of an ashtray.

This, dear constituent, must not happen. What I need now, more than ever, is money. Your vote is not enough.  Should I lose this election I'll be able to convert my unused campaign funds to maintain the lifestyle I've come to treasure. Georgetown needs me.

Sincerely,

Michele Bachmann

 

Dear Constituent,

As many of you are `aware, I recently called for a media expose of anti-American members of Congress on "Hardball" with Chris Mathews. It turns out that Fox News already has a list, but is waiting to air it until Fox News gets some credibility with the American people, but I can't wait that long as I seem to have aroused a bit of controversy that has every Hamas sympathizer in the Western hemisphere sending money to my opponent in the upcoming election. So I have decided to conduct my own investigation.

First, we need to define anti-American. I spent the entire weekend compiling a list of anti-American characteristics but when I showed it to Consuela my beloved nanny (who assures me that 13 year-old Guatemalans are not required by law to carry green cards) she pointed out that the list was rather wordy, and after all, one  does not actually snort arugula. So I have condensed the list to an easily digestible sound bite. Anti- American is the opposite of "white and thinks like me".

Based on that criteria we find that the Republican delegation to congress is totally pro-American with the possible exception of the Florida delegation, many of whom are of Cuban descent and will need to be watched carefully since everyone knows that when Fidel emptied his prisons and floated them off to Florida, he slipped some agent provocateurs onto the rafts with instructions to run for congress. Which leaves us with the Democrat party. Riddled with blacks and other minorities, Democrats routinely vote for Palestinian style agendas cleverly disguised as earmarks, and oppose George Bush at every turn. Obviously severely anti-American.

But possibly the most anti-American slime bag I have ever encountered is my opponent for congress, Elwyn  Tinklenberg. Known by his gay socialist fellow travelers as "Tinkerbelle", Tinklenburg was raised by descendants of failed Dutch dyke builders deported to this country in the 1800's. Seeking to disguise his commie inclinations he bought a phony degree and eventually became a minister with the far left religious cult United Methodist church. He now makes the absurd claim that being the Mayor of a small town in rural Minnesota is a qualification for higher office. Elwyn, which is Dutch for "jihad", wants to advance the Obama socialist agenda in congress. Worse, his victory would force me to return to the most boring patch of ground in our hemisphere, the 6^th Congressional District of Minnesota, where frankly, most people lack the personality of an ashtray.

This, dear constituent, must not happen. What I need now, more than ever, is money. Your vote is not enough.  Should I lose this election I'll be able to convert my unused campaign funds to maintain the lifestyle I've come to treasure. Georgetown needs me.

Sincerely,

Michele Bachmann

 

Does anyone feel the irony when Cindy McCain attacks Obama for not protecting her son in Iraq when unlike her husband he just wants to bring her son home?
John C

In an article in today's NYT Karl Rove once again got hugely undeserved credit for political acumen.
Let's examine the record. Karl guided the conservative son of a former Republican president to the office of governor of Texas (how hard could that've been?). Then he led him to a popular vote loss in his first run for the presidency. Saved by the Supreme Court, his sage counsel led to plummeting approval ratings.
Saved once again by forces outside his control (see 9/11), he led
George Bush to a narrow 3% reelection victory over a Democratic opponent with the personality of an ash tray in 2004. Some experts believe that sans 9/11 George Bush would have been the one term president we so richly deserved.
Undeterred by the narrow victory, Karl claimed a mandate to privatize Social Security, setting in motion a chain of political disasters leading to massive Republican losses in the 2006 elections. While being vastly overrated as a political guru, Karl was no dummy, promptly deserting ship like the rat he is for lucrative private sector punditry.
Which brings us to the Rove legacy. In just 90 days, Rove acolytes running the John McCain campaign, using time tested Rove tactics, have managed to thoroughly trash one of the iconic political brands of the last 30 years. Anyone who believes that the Happy Warrior of 2000 would be this far behind in the polls today, even in an admittedly disastrous political environment for Republicans, is simply wrong.
 It may be too late to turn this election around but John McCain needs to publicly and harshly fire Steve Schmidt, Nicole Wallace, and the rest of Rove's evil minions, invite the press back to the front of the bus, send Sarah Palin  to the sidelines (maybe she could help out in a phone bank) and start having some fun again. He'll get a lot closer to victory and even possibly salvage some of his savaged reputation.
John C