Forgiveness: What Is It?
The recent death of Susan Atkins led me to contemplation about forgiveness.
When the book, "Helter Skelter" by Vincent Bugliosi was published, I was a teenager. A friend of mine got the paperback version and lent it to me. I read it from cover to cover, and suffered nightmares as a result. In particular, the vicious and evil murder of Sharon Tate and her unborn child haunted me. Susan Atkins' crime was, to my mind, worthy of the death penalty.
Well, in a way, Susan Atkins got the death penalty. Not as quickly as the victims' families would have liked, but she died, in prison. I can't feel any sympathy for Atkins. I don't think it matters if anyone felt sympathy for her. The only people who can forgive Atkins are those whose loved ones were murdered by Atkins and her cohorts. What I or anyone else feels about it is moot.
Which leads me to the whole idea of forgiveness. What is it? Over the years, I have read a great deal about it and heard from many people how to achieve it, but there are still crimes in my own life that I cannot forgive; I can't let those perpetrators go into the clouds of letting go that forgiveness allegedly allows. There are things I have done that I cannot forgive myself for, despite the assurances of people that some kind of a god forgives me. I struggle with the whole god thing as well.
I am sensitive to the notion that forgiveness is not a feeling. Just as I know that love is a verb, not a noun, I am aware that it isn't necessary to feel forgiveness to experience it. There are times when it is required of me to act with love no matter what I happen to be feeling at the moment, so the act of forgiving doesn't require me to express any heartfelt emotions toward the forgivee. I merely have to act in accordance with the idea that I am letting go of whatever bad feelings I have had toward this or that individual. I get this. I get this concept.
What is forgiveness to you? What have you been taught about it? Do you have instances in which forgiveness was shown to you or you have shown it to others? I'm interested in hearing what you all might have to say on the subject.
In time, I learned that part of my earning forgiveness from people was to walk the walk of change. Perhaps they only knew me as the bad person who hurt them and need to see a continous progression away from that person and a metamorphosis into a newer and better individual who has more sense and responsibility and awareness. But, ultimately...no matter what I do to regain someone's trust or to earn someone's forgiveness, it isn't up to me whether it happens. It is up to the one or ones I've harmed.
Several years ago, the relationship between my ex-husband and I was repaired by a noble act of forgiveness on both our parts. It was incumbent upon me to take the first step in repairing the relationship, since I had done the greater harm. It never occurred to me that he and I would find such a spiritual release from so much anger and pain accumulated over the years. In one shining moment, it was all released and forgiven. We have remained cordial and friendly ever since. I don't have an explanation for this event except to say that Something was guiding the both of us.
So, let me know what you feel or think about forgiveness. I'm truly fascinated to hear what others know or believe about it. Thanks to all.
When the book, "Helter Skelter" by Vincent Bugliosi was published, I was a teenager. A friend of mine got the paperback version and lent it to me. I read it from cover to cover, and suffered nightmares as a result. In particular, the vicious and evil murder of Sharon Tate and her unborn child haunted me. Susan Atkins' crime was, to my mind, worthy of the death penalty.
Well, in a way, Susan Atkins got the death penalty. Not as quickly as the victims' families would have liked, but she died, in prison. I can't feel any sympathy for Atkins. I don't think it matters if anyone felt sympathy for her. The only people who can forgive Atkins are those whose loved ones were murdered by Atkins and her cohorts. What I or anyone else feels about it is moot.
Which leads me to the whole idea of forgiveness. What is it? Over the years, I have read a great deal about it and heard from many people how to achieve it, but there are still crimes in my own life that I cannot forgive; I can't let those perpetrators go into the clouds of letting go that forgiveness allegedly allows. There are things I have done that I cannot forgive myself for, despite the assurances of people that some kind of a god forgives me. I struggle with the whole god thing as well.
I am sensitive to the notion that forgiveness is not a feeling. Just as I know that love is a verb, not a noun, I am aware that it isn't necessary to feel forgiveness to experience it. There are times when it is required of me to act with love no matter what I happen to be feeling at the moment, so the act of forgiving doesn't require me to express any heartfelt emotions toward the forgivee. I merely have to act in accordance with the idea that I am letting go of whatever bad feelings I have had toward this or that individual. I get this. I get this concept.
What is forgiveness to you? What have you been taught about it? Do you have instances in which forgiveness was shown to you or you have shown it to others? I'm interested in hearing what you all might have to say on the subject.
In time, I learned that part of my earning forgiveness from people was to walk the walk of change. Perhaps they only knew me as the bad person who hurt them and need to see a continous progression away from that person and a metamorphosis into a newer and better individual who has more sense and responsibility and awareness. But, ultimately...no matter what I do to regain someone's trust or to earn someone's forgiveness, it isn't up to me whether it happens. It is up to the one or ones I've harmed.
Several years ago, the relationship between my ex-husband and I was repaired by a noble act of forgiveness on both our parts. It was incumbent upon me to take the first step in repairing the relationship, since I had done the greater harm. It never occurred to me that he and I would find such a spiritual release from so much anger and pain accumulated over the years. In one shining moment, it was all released and forgiven. We have remained cordial and friendly ever since. I don't have an explanation for this event except to say that Something was guiding the both of us.
So, let me know what you feel or think about forgiveness. I'm truly fascinated to hear what others know or believe about it. Thanks to all.
