Tomorrow, all across the country there will be tea parties galore. Here's a little tea party etiquette. Enjoy with pinky raised and tongue in firmly in cheek.

Use good bone china. If you're looking for quality, you've got to go bone. It's so hard, it's brittle. And pressure in the wrong place can make it snap. But, if you take good care of your cups and saucers, your bits and pieces, you wash them gently with mild soap and water, use a nice soft towel to dry them, and keep a little padding between them so they don't scratch or chafe, they'll serve you well.

Now for your table to be well-laid, you're going to need some cream, and some sugar lumps. People like sugar lumps. In some places they call them "cubes." Please don't handle your lumps or cubes. Pick them up with a pair of tongs made for the job. Ask your guests if they'd like one lump or two. Two is quite popular. Licking the lumps is not good form. Sometimes you'll see people dunk their lumps with their teabags, and then eat the lumps. It's an unusual technique, that some people enjoy.  It's also not unusual to have cream at tea party. I'm not particularly fond of clotted cream, but sometimes, that's all you've got. Just try to make sure your cream can make a nice steady stream so you can serve it properly. Who wants just a drop or two of cream? Speaking of cream, you can also serve cream-filled pastries. However, sucking the cream out of the pastry is not polite. At least not in public. If you're home, and you want to do that, go for it. Use your fingers if you'd like. Just don't do it at the table.  

Lemons are popular, but beware, they squirt. So be careful when squeezing your lemons because you don't squirt in the eyes of your guests. Then again, some of your guests might like that kind of thing. If you insist on squirting your lemon, practice so you can aim it. By all means, writing your name on the snowy white tablecloth with your squirting lemon is a big no-no.  

The best hosts and hostesses like their tea loose and dry. However, brewing your tea from tea in bags is quite in vogue. Tomorrow, there will be some tea in bags, but there will be no teabagging. At least not in the dining room. What you do on your own time or in the privacy of your own home is up to you. It is also considered bad form to dunk your teabags. Especially with your sugar lumps.  And squeezing them dry by wrapping them around your spoon is not particularly good manners either. Nor should you squeeze them in your hand. No. Do not do that. You shouldn't ask the person sitting next to you to squeeze your teabag either. You should also avoid dribbling your teabag on the tablecloth. The stains are hard to get out.

Cheese is an interesting accompaniment to tea. Just make sure to cut the cheese before your guests arrive.

And by the way, "tongue in cheek" usually means your tongue in your cheek. But when in Rome, do as the Romans do. When in the Minneapolis Airport men's room...watch out for undercover cops.