Once again, the McCain campaign team is announcing a new economic stimulus program from the Republican candidate.

Spokespersons for the campaign -- reluctant to tell all yet -- have hinted the new program is "hockey mom" friendly and one that the whole family can embrace.

Well, I've gotten the sneak peek and can reveal that it is....

Green stamps and tan coupons.

Picture if you will, Mom, Dad and all the youngsters gathered around the kitchen table. A big pile of stamp books at one end and scissors and coupons flying about at the other end. Junior and Princess are licking stamps and pasting them into books as fast as they can. Dad is puffing away on his newly re-introduced Raleigh cigarettes so he can paste the iconic tan coupons into the Raleigh books. Mom is clipping coupons to buy more items at the grocery store to get more green stamps so Bud and Blossom can fill more books. And Grandmother and Grandfather are perusing the catalog books, shouting out all the things for which the family can redeem the coupons and stamps down at the redemption center.

"Soap for 500!" Grandma gleefully shouts. "A tube sock," yells Grandpa, "just 14,000 stamps!" "What about tooth powder?" asks Mom. "Do they have shoelaces?" ask Dad and Bud simultaneously. 

Bud got a nifty book belt so he can strap his books together for that long walk to high school and that great after school job he got collecting scrap aluminum foil over at the town dump, er, recycling plant. Blossom got a flower covered hair bow to go with the new "vintage" dress she found at Goodwill. You won't even notice the elbow patches when she's waiting tables at the diner. Grandpa got a can of tennis balls he can use to keep his walker steady as she goes. Grandma got a pair of elastic stockings to keep the swelling down in her legs, since she hasn't been able to afford the Lasix prescription lately because her $5000 health care credit is just good for check-ups once a year with the "faith-based alternative healer". Junior loves his new paddle ball; why he can spend minutes whacking that ball tethered to the paddle with an elastic string before the ball goes flying across the room narrowly missing the living room lamp. Princess loves her E-Z Baker oven, although she's burned her fingers a few times lighting the tiny candles that heat the oven. (At least, sigh Mom and Dad, we don't have to use any electricity for it.) Dad got that great fishing pole he's always wanted and now can really bring home the catch of day. He's says it's great not having to actually climb in the dumpsters any more, and the pickin's are swell over at the day-old Wonder bread store. And now that the GM plant is closed, he'll have all the time he needs for "huntin' and fishin'". "City weasels" (you know them as rats) cook up good, although they're a little on the stringy side. If only he could see a doctor about that nagging cough. And Mom loves the kneepads and rubber gloves she got for her "domestic maintenance engineering" job over at the Motel Five and Half. And with that special salve that Grandma whipped up, the skin on her knees and hands will be growing back in no time.

Only late at night, after Mom and Dad blow out the candle and say "goodnight, dear" do       either of them admit they regret voting for the "two mavericks." "We shoulda picked the black guy," Dad said in the dark. "Um hum, yep, you betcha," said Mom.