The Top Ten Things Really, Really, Really Helpful to John McCain's Campaign
Since the McCain folks have had to walk away from from a terror attack being (with a hat tip to Idiotic) EXCELLENT NEWS FOR JOHN McCAIN!!! wouldn't it be helpful to give them a few more ideas to promote as good for McCain. Here are a few that come to mind:
10. Grape-Nuts cereal gets really popular again, along with Postum, stewed prunes and Geritol for your iron-poor blood.
9 The Green Lantern and the Shadow radio serials are revived and McCain can use them in the hunt for Osama Bin Laden.
8. Americans decide they've had enough of these new-fangled horseless carriages and go back to the horse drawn kind. Steam engines make a huge comeback.
7. The Supreme Court, led by Chief Justice Roberts and Justices Alito and Scalia, declare "activist" judges were responsible for ending slavery and giving the black man and later women the right to vote. By a narrow and contentious 5-4 decision, the affected amendments are declared unconstitutional. They also declare the Presidency should go to the "oldest white man still in the race."
6. Dick Cheney resigns, Bush appoints McCain. Bush resigns, McCain is elevated and then runs as the "incumbent" President. On the upside he gets to be President. On the down side, he still loses.
5. Gennifer Flowers announces she did not have an affair with McCain. Ever.
4. Bobby Ewing wakes up and learns McCain's candidacy was just a really bad dream. Unfortunately, we still don't believe Kristen shot JR.
3. Cindy McCain wins the Pillsbury Bake-Off with her "Have Cook Open a Can of Hungry Man Biscuits."
2. He chooses Larry "I've Got a Wide Stance" Craig as his communications director. New hand and foot signals are implemented. Foot tapping is now in vogue.
And the number one thing really, really, really helpful to John McCain's campaign is...... (drumroll)(rimshot)(cymbals)(horn flourish)... in a novel move, he selects both Lindsay "I'm your captain" Graham and Joe "little buddy" Lieberman as co-veeps.
10. Grape-Nuts cereal gets really popular again, along with Postum, stewed prunes and Geritol for your iron-poor blood.
9 The Green Lantern and the Shadow radio serials are revived and McCain can use them in the hunt for Osama Bin Laden.
8. Americans decide they've had enough of these new-fangled horseless carriages and go back to the horse drawn kind. Steam engines make a huge comeback.
7. The Supreme Court, led by Chief Justice Roberts and Justices Alito and Scalia, declare "activist" judges were responsible for ending slavery and giving the black man and later women the right to vote. By a narrow and contentious 5-4 decision, the affected amendments are declared unconstitutional. They also declare the Presidency should go to the "oldest white man still in the race."
6. Dick Cheney resigns, Bush appoints McCain. Bush resigns, McCain is elevated and then runs as the "incumbent" President. On the upside he gets to be President. On the down side, he still loses.
5. Gennifer Flowers announces she did not have an affair with McCain. Ever.
4. Bobby Ewing wakes up and learns McCain's candidacy was just a really bad dream. Unfortunately, we still don't believe Kristen shot JR.
3. Cindy McCain wins the Pillsbury Bake-Off with her "Have Cook Open a Can of Hungry Man Biscuits."
2. He chooses Larry "I've Got a Wide Stance" Craig as his communications director. New hand and foot signals are implemented. Foot tapping is now in vogue.
And the number one thing really, really, really helpful to John McCain's campaign is...... (drumroll)(rimshot)(cymbals)(horn flourish)... in a novel move, he selects both Lindsay "I'm your captain" Graham and Joe "little buddy" Lieberman as co-veeps.
